


A Sweet Year

by whoreforwomen



Category: The Fall (TV 2013), The X-Files
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2019-12-06 20:55:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 51,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18225314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoreforwomen/pseuds/whoreforwomen
Summary: Twenty seven year old Dana Scully has already been in the FBI Academy for a year before she meets  detective superintendent Stella Gibson who has taken a teaching job at the Academy after the case in Belfast. Chaos ensures.





	1. Chapter 1

She looked young. At least 3 years younger than she actually was especially now, that she wasn’t covered head to toe by her usual work attire. Dana Scully hated that she had to put significant effort every morning in looking the part just so her colleagues and students could take her at face value. The fact she was 5’3 was not helping either. She raised a hand to her auburn red hair and pinned a stray strand behind her ear for the millionth time that day before sighing and exiting the luxurious bathroom.  
She usually spends her birthday with either her family or met for lunch with a friend when she was working, and she always was. It had been a year since she was recruited into the FBI and had recently started teaching at the Academy which made the few people she had come to be friendly with hard to follow her schedule and even harder to find free time to have dinner with her. 

She had spent the entire day in the lab or hunching over a corpse pointing out the difference between the large and small intestine to a bunch of people who looked either nauseous or indifferent. She didn’t deem 27 to be a significant birthday, still a few years away from the next milestone, but the thought of cold leftover Chinese that was waiting for her back home didn’t seem appropriate either. 

On a whim, she had driven to the most expensive stake house Quantico had to offer and after getting herself a table for one had fled to the bathroom to make sure she looked presentable enough to seem like she belonged in a place like that. The posh waitress who had ushered her in spotted her now, and motioned for Dana to follow her further into the restaurant where a few tables were already occupied by either two or lone dinners like herself. 

Dana barely looked at the menu before ordering the first thing that sounded good along with a glass of Merlot, in a rush to be out of the waitress’s scrutinizing gaze. She didn’t let her shoulders relax until her food was in front of her and the red liquid gliding down her throat. It was still early enough that barely ten other people were eating or drinking at the bar and Dana absentmindedly let her eyes roam over them as her thoughts traveled back to her mom’s phone call earlier today.

After the expected wishes of health and happiness were uttered briefly but not lucking conviction by her father, he had passed the phone to her mother who was a tad more emotional and even mentioned she had prayed for Dana at church the very same morning. Margaret Scully was a complex woman with deeply woven principles, not unlike Dana herself, so when she wanted to make a point to her daughter, a few words would suffice. 

Dana hadn’t been in church in a long while despite her Catholic upbringing and Margaret would hint at it now and again, making her feel guilty. For what, Dana wasn’t exactly sure. Her hand that wasn’t gripping the wine-glass rose instinctively to her neck pulling lightly at her cashmere sweater to take the tiny gold cross between her fingers. Toying with it, she continued observing her surroundings before coming to an abrupt halt when her blue eyes were held captive by a similar pair of icy blue ones across the room.  
Normally, she would have immediately sensed that someone was watching her, especially after her training, but her mind had been so preoccupied that the directness of the look startled her, forcing her to look away almost immediately. She let her hand drop from her cross and picked up her fork stabbing the first thing she saw on her plate, shoving it down her throat hastily. She could still feel those eyes on her, so she took her sweet time swallowing the sweet potato and taking another sip of her wine, before daring to look back at them.

This time she managed to zoom out and take in the entirety of their occupant. To her surprise, they didn’t belong to a man, but then again she had never met a man who could muster up that kind of unspoken sentiment in a simple look. She was tiny, but unlike Dana, she could tell it never posed a problem for the woman, in fact, she guessed that it worked in her favor judging from the 10 inched black heels she had on. 

Dana’s eyes traveled from the stranger’s, what appeared to be bare, legs upwards to her black pencil skirt that offered shelter to the ends of a white silk blouse. Her eyes didn’t linger on its top two undone buttons but were drawn to the effortless looking perfection of her blonde hair. At last, Dana allowed herself to take in the woman’s face and exhaled sharply at the sight of chiseled cheekbones, thin drooped nose, and almost full lips. 

What seemed to her like hours of observing her, had only really been seconds but since the woman had already been staring at her it seemed like she allowed Dana a few seconds of stillness to return the favor. The woman arched a cleanly shaped thin eyebrow at Dana signaling her time’s up and forcing her to meet her eyes once again.  
She felt foolish and embarrassed at the way her mind and body were reacting to this perfect stranger. She tried to blame the heat she felt clearly displayed on her cheeks to the wine, but deep down she knew she hadn’t had enough of it to cause that reaction. She also knew she couldn’t deny that not-entirely-unknown feeling at the pit of her stomach, one she often associated with adolescent excitement over a …

She shook her head as if to dismiss that ridiculous train of thought and the movement seemed to amuse the woman who now raised her glass to her lips as if to hide a smirk that was forming there. Annoyed at both the stranger and herself, Dana looked away and did her best to focus on finishing her meal without indulging the woman any further into whatever game she was playing.

Control was something she exercised at all times that came easily and readily at her for as long as she could remember and despised feeling she was on the receiving end of it no matter how small or insignificant the situation. She motioned at the waitress for the check, does that dump little universal notion of putting her three fingers together and mimicking writing on thin air. After paying for her overpriced meal she put on her long cardigan and clutching her purse made her way out of the room.  
“Was that any good?” A low raspy voice, that would almost go unnoticed if it wasn’t for the British accent, made Dana stop dead on her tracks and automatically turn her head to look at the blonde, now a foot away from her. 

She hadn’t calculated that she had to pass by the bar to leave the room and the curious stranger was sitting alone at the very edge of it, in clear earshot of anyone coming or going. 

Dana surreptitiously looked around to see if the woman was, in fact, addressing her which in turn, earned her an even more surreptitious eye roll from the blonde. “What?” she breathed and immediately pressed her lips into a thin line as if to stop them from uttering anything else equally dumb. 

“The stake…” the woman said and rolled the stool around so that she was now fully facing Scully, her crossed knees almost touching the purse that Dana was holding like a shield between their bodies.” Would you recommend it?” she finished and Dana nodded, not yet trusting her voice. “It’s good enough… for that price” she added and immediately regretted it. The older woman did not look like she was on a budget. 

That last remark seemed to intrigue her, however, because her eyebrow rose again. “So you don’t come here often,” she said it like a statement rather a question and Dana fidgeted.  
“First time” she admitted after a beat, “special occasion,” Scully said almost unwillingly as if the woman was plucking the truth out of her the way skilled interrogators do.  
“Oh?” she exclaimed now, and as much as Dana did not want to tell her in fear that this complete stranger finds her pathetic, she did; once she realized the absurdity of that fear. “It’s my birthday,” she met her eye in time to see a gleam of what she imagined to be delight before adding “twenty-seven” willingly answering the question she knew the blonde would never ask or care to know. 

The woman quickly looked away and if it was anyone else but Scully’s skillfully trained eye on her, they would have missed the fleeting look of caution followed by a slightly perplexed countenance and finally a decision to a dilemma unknown to everyone but this creature in front of her.  
“Well,” the woman met Dana’s eyes once again, “that calls for a second drink don’t you think?” she smiled at her closed mouthed and motioned with the almost empty glass in her hand to the empty stool beside her. 

Fight or flight. 

Despite every fiber or her being, teaming up with every parental warning, instinct, and moral yelling no at her, Dana Scully closed the short distance to the bar, sat down and turned towards the direction of the intoxicating perfume the Brit had on. 

“Sure”.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'll have another one, and she'll have..." the woman who had yet to introduce herself trailed off looking at Dana expectedly.

"The same" she added quickly, not sure what the blonde was having in the first place but too distracted to care.

The barman nodded apprehensively and refilled her glass with neat scotch while producing a second one for Scully who eyed it reluctantly. Mixing drinks had never ended well for her in college, but she quickly dismissed the thought and turned to lightly touch her glass to the woman's, that was already extended in her direction.

"Happy birthday..." she trailed once again.

"Dana. Dana Scully."

The woman repeated Dana's name under her breath as if to check its flavor in her mouth and Scully marveled at the way her British accent made those two simple syllables sound rich.

"Stella Gibson," she said now and took a sip of whiskey looking like someone who had been doing so for many, many years.

Stella, shining star, was now Dana's turn to put a name to that face and almost scoffed at how fitting it was. 

She could tell Stella was much older than her, early forties perhaps, yet her face radiated light and the strength of a thousand stars. 

She mimicked Stella, bringing the odorous spirit to her own lips, not liking or recognizing the turn her thoughts were taking. 

Stella looked amused yet again by the way Dana winced when the scotch burned her throat and the latter was quick to mask it by stating the obvious.

"You're not from around here." 

"Neither are you." 

"How do you know?" Dana wondered genuinely.

"You're having dinner alone on your birthday. If your family was from around here I'm certain, this wouldn't be the case. Am I correct?" Stella challenged and Scully was overwhelmed by the childish urge to stick her tongue out to her or offer an equally infantile argument like 'what if I was an orphan'. 

"Yes" was all she said instead, in defeat. "I'm originally from Annapolis, but we moved around a lot. I'm here for work." 

Before Stella had the chance to reply to any of that or Dana to question herself on why she so readily gave up that kind of personal information to a complete stranger she continued, "London?"

"Through and through" Stella's top lip curved upwards but it didn't quite reach her eyes. 

"So what brings you in Quantico?" Scully pressed, although she could guess the older woman was probably here for a conference of some sort, from the way she was dressed, a guest lecturer, a motivational speaker perhaps?

She imagined her at the front of an auditorium and gulped. Not a single male would miss that class. 

"I sent myself here." Stella said instead and Dana's assumptions shattered, making her frown. 

"I'm a detective superintendent for the Met and I recently closed a rather demanding case in Belfast."

Scully's eyebrows raised involuntarily. A detective. Of the highest of ranks. Dana had looked up at women like Stella all her life. It took extreme diligence to make it, let alone excel in a mainly patriarchal sector of police enforcement, which made the woman in front of her all the more of an enigma.

Dana wondered if the case had gone south, or if the detective was on some kind of probation but she doubted Stella was anything but perfect in her line of work, which didn't explain what she was doing here.

As if reading her thoughts, Stella went on; "I took a position in the Academy. Behavioral science and leadership classes." 

Dana stared at her unable to form a coherent response, which had already been a prominent pattern with her today. 

"Me too" she offered after a beat, a tad too eagerly as if she was trying to establish herself to the older woman who was now openly smiling at her.

"I mean, I am with the Bureau too. Forensic science." She added and grew steadier into herself. She could always count on science and it's logistics to make sense of the world around her when she failed to do so with what was going on in her head.

"I know." Stella continued smiling at her and Scully swallowed hard. Had she seen her at the Academy? Surely Dana would have noticed her or at least she could always count on her friends' everlasting gossip updates on every poor creature that passed the lobby of the building.

"Your hands." Stella offered and Dana looked down at them as if she was noticing them for the first time ever.

"They're a doctor's hands. That, or the hands of a-" 

Scully's head snapped back up in time to see Stella repress a smirk and whatever was at the end of that sentence.

Dana could feel her blood pooling behind the creamy skin of her face, tinting it like the scorching sun. 

She knew Stella was teasing her merciless and hated every bit of it.

"I can also see your badge." Stella was quick to add sensing the younger woman's discomfort and Dana followed her gaze where her purse had half spilled its contexts on the bar and her laminated identification was almost entirely on sight. 

She quickly shoved her belongings back in the purse making sure to secure the clasp this time.

"I was recruited straight out of Med school a year ago" she said facing the front of the bar "my parents hated it but-"

"You wanted to make something of yourself." Stella finishes her thought and Dana had no choice but to look back at her.

The two women shared an understanding look and fell silent for a minute. 

Stella raised her hand towards her and asked Scully for permission with her eyes before taking the golden cross that had escaped from the safety of Dana's sweater, and examined it. 

A current run down Scully's back from where the golden chain tagged lightly at the back of her neck when Stella raised the cross to get a better look at it.

She instinctively pulled away and Stella's hand fell back to her lap followed by a slight apologetic expression on her face as if she was sorry she had crossed an unspoken boundary.

Dana fought the overwhelming urge to take the woman's hand in hers to reassure her that she hadn't and that it was a jerk knee reaction to what she had been pondering earlier. 

"Must be nice" Stella said almost inaudibly and finished her drink in a gulp. 

"What?"

"Believing in something bigger than you." 

Dana could tell she was being sincere. Normally she made sure her cross was always out of sight at work. A doctor and a scientist who believed in a man in the clouds, wouldn't make sense to her colleagues and oftentimes didn't make sense to herself.

"It's harder than you think" she admitted she Stella searched her eyes urging her to elaborate.

"I'm a scientist and there's far too much cruelty in the world" was all she could come up with praying the detective understood what she was getting at. 

Thankfully Stella nodded and dropped the subject, only to pick up a worse one.

"So Dana, no boyfriend?" She turned her sharp jaw at the direction Dana was eating alone earlier.

Scully almost said no, thinking that would be the desired response but again stopped herself from letting such an absurd thought poison her mind. Why would this woman care if Scully had a boyfriend?

"He was busy," Dana said quickly and hated herself for sounding annoyed. She knew Jack was really busy, him being an actual FBI Agent plus instructor and all.

In fact, Jack was her instructor at the Academy and although it wasn't illegal or anything, Dana didn't want to go public about it, fearing accusations of favoritism.

She hadn't been working her ass off for ten years to be now accused of sleeping her way to the top.

Jack was more than happy to keep their relationship to the low, even though a lot of her friends knew about them and she was certain she had caught a few of the other agents giving Jack approving looks whenever she was around. 

She hated that, but Jack could be really sweet and had been good to her these past few months. She was in desperate need of something simple after the whole affair with Dr. Waterstone in med school. 

"Too busy to have dinner on your birthday?" Stella inquired and Dana felt defensive. She didn't want her to think she was one of those pushovers with no brain cells that put up with jerks in the name of 'love'.

"It's his birthday too today, actually." she defended him lamely which in retrospect sounded like all the more of a reason for them to celebrate together.

Stella didn't look convinced in the slightest but didn't say anything more, seeing as Dana was getting annoyed.

"The next one's on me then" Stella said instead and motioned the barman over.

Dana looked down at her almost untouched drink and panicked before picking it up and downing the entire thing in 4 agonizing gulps.

"No, my birthday, my treat" she all but coughed out, setting down her empty glass just in time for the barman who just now seemed to take note of her existence.

In fact, as she looked around, she noticed that more than seven pair of eyes were looking at their direction, or rather at Stella. 

She had been so transfixed herself that she hadn't noticed that the restaurant was now almost full and the bar occupied by many men who eyed Stella like a piece of meat.

Dana cleared her throat, especially uncomfortable under the scrutiny of one balding guy in his 50s at the opposite end of the bar who had been smiling haughtily at them for some time now.

She knew she was attractive in her own preppy kind of way but in this instance, she might as well be invisible.

Several other men of various ages were openly ogling at Stella who in turn was unaware, or rather, purposely ignoring every last one of them and examining Dana's profile instead. 

She didn't look away when Dana caught her staring which made the ball at the pit of her stomach tighten and her breath to hitch.

"What are you doing later?" Stella asked maintaining eye contact and Dana was smart enough to read between the lines, this time, and recognize the invitation there.

To what she didn't know, or want to acknowledge.

What she knew was the unmistakable feeling of pride that washed over her. She had the detective's wholehearted attention in a room of more than willing contestants. 

Scully knew what they were competing for, but what was she doing?

"I'm actually meeting Jack later" she said almost apologetically and the older woman nodded at once as if to tell her 'say no more' instantly retrieving back to herself, all the while remaining put on the bar stool.

"In that case, I better be going" Stella said and finished her drink swiftly before retrieving her designer clutch and pulling out a sleek wallet.

Scully's hand flew without permission to cup Stella's, who looked taken aback by the gestured but didn't pull away.

"Please, let me." Dana insisted and Stella nodded wordlessly. 

The barman cleared his throat and Dana withdrew her hand, the absence of Stella's warmth immediately noticeable.

Dana paid, wincing on the inside at the hit her balance had taken today but was worth relinquishing a false sense of control.

Dana watched, along with literally everyone else in the restaurant, as Stella stood up and put on her coat while pulling her trapped hair out of its collar, shaking it into shape.   
It was almost comical how such a mundane gesture had turned into a sensual dance of pale fingers and ashy blonde curls.

"Shall we?" Stella prompted, looking smug since she had caught Dana staring, the later nodding embarrassed and quickly walking out of the crowded steakhouse and into the freezing street. 

"This is me" she stopped in front of her beaten up excuse of a car, the only rental she could afford and turned to look at Stella who was looking at her questionably. 

"Do you think it's wise to drive?"

Shit. Dana had planned to have a single glass of wine and be on her merry way, but after those last additions, she didn't feel like that was a good idea. She was nowhere near drunk but she felt heady, and even though she knew the woman standing in front of her was somehow more responsible for that than the scotch she didn't want to risk it.

Dana shook her head no and Stella nodded in approval. "I'll call you a cab" she offered and Scully waved her hand no in front of her. 

"No need, I'll have Jack pick me up." He would have been done with work by now and she knew he wouldn't mind picking her up, especially since she was going to his place after all.

"He can drop you off at-" she stopped, realizing she didn't know where Stella was staying. 

The detective smiled as if the thought was ludicrous for whatever reason Dana couldn't understand, but then again they were still strangers. 

"I'll call a cab," she assured Scully "but I'll wait with you until he comes". 

Dana wasn't particularly fond of the idea of Stella finding out she was dating an instructor from the Academy but she didn't want her to leave quite yet.

Dana leaned back on the side of her car to shield her small body from the crisp February wind and Stella mimicked her, their shoulders barely touching. 

Stella told her where she was staying while in town and Scully nodded having guessed as much. 

"I need the pool." Stella offered as if her lavish lodging needed to be justified. "I have to swim."

"I can tell from your body." 

Stella arched an eyebrow and turned to look at Dana who didn't dare look at her but was very aware of every fiber of the said body now pressing against the left side of hers. 

The detective said nothing and the two women fell into an awkward, from Dana's part at least, silence. 

She had called Jack who, as expected, was quick to accept and promised to be there shortly. 

Five minutes had gone by with just their breathing and the occasional car driving into the restaurant's parking lot interrupting the silence.

Dana jumped from her leaning position, upwards and turned to Stella. "You never ate!" she breathed as if linking the vital clues of an investigation together to solve a case.

It was Stella's turn to look confused. 

"You asked how the stake was but didn't order something for yourself" the more she spoke the more foolish she realized she sounded but she somehow felt responsible for monopolizing the detective's time and interrupting her dinner plans.

Stella laughed humorlessly. "Don't trouble yourself" she dismissed Dana like eating was never on her agenda.

"I'll order room service" she added and Dana was sure she was indulging her more than anything else. 

She nodded and assumed her previous position against the car. 

"So concerned for me, Agent Scully." Stella mused.

"Not an Agent yet. I still take classes besides instructing."

"Oh?" Was all Stella said and she knew they were both thinking the same thing. 

Dana had been thinking just that since Stella had mentioned it. She was, in fact, going to be in her leadership class. 

A honk made them both jump before Dana had time to reply and flashlights momentarily blinded her before Jack's car came to a stop parallel to hers and he rolled down his window.

"Dana" he said before noticing she wasn't alone and doing a double take. He killed the engine and jumped out of the car offering his hand at Stella who shook it with an unreadable expression on her face. 

"Superintendent Gibson, what are you doing here?" 

Stella smiled tight-lipped and retrieved her hand. Dana cursed under her breath. Jack clearly knew who Stella was and she him. 

"Agent Willis" she addressed him in what Dana guessed was her work tone " Miss. Scully was kind enough to keep me company over dinner. I'm hearing that a Happy Birthday is in order" she added and to both their dismay Jack blushed. 

Dana felt embarrassed for him even though she had been doing exactly the same for the past hour and couldn't exactly blame the poor bastard. 

"Thank you ma'am" he replied sheepishly and it just then occurred to Dana that she, too, ought to be addressing Stella in that manner. 

As if sensing her babbling apology, Stella put a reassuring hand on Dana's coat sleeve and shook her head, wordlessly conveying that such a formality wasn't necessary.

Jack cleared his throat and the two women broke apart. 

"Goodnight Agents, I'll be seeing you both around," Stella said suddenly and with a lingering look at Scully turned on her heels and disappeared into the night.


	3. Chapter 3

“Do you have any idea who that was?” Jack mused as giddy as a five-year-old whose mom just promised him ice cream. Dana put on her seatbelt, saying nothing as he reversed into the highway, heading for his apartment. He stole a sideways glance at her, having the good sense to realize something was off. 

 

“Well, you clearly do” Scully mumbled and Jack took a hand off the wheel to place it on her thigh. “Oh come on Dana, it’s not like that” he chuckled bluntly misunderstanding her tone. It would actually have made more sense for Dana to feel jealous or threatened in some way by Stella, rather than what was actually intrusively invading Scully’s thoughts.   
She felt protective over the woman, in lack of finding better words to explain her feelings. Like a shiny toy that Dana had found in the sandbox at school and wasn’t quite ready to share with other kids just yet, or ever. She tried to rationalize that thought as she moved her leg away from Jack’s reach. Perhaps she wanted to establish a good first impression with the detective that could help her in the Academy in the future. 

 

Temporarily satisfied with her internal reasoning she turned back to Jack, who in all fairness had done nothing wrong to deserve this attitude. She didn’t want to think about Stella anymore. Somewhat remorseful she leaned in and pecked his cheek ever so lightly. “Happy Birthday” she smiled and he sighed in relief. He was eight years older than her, which was practically nothing for her standards and history. She had always gravitated towards older men. Drive and success lured her in like a moth to the flame and she didn’t feel she had to justify herself for her choices. She remembers now a friend in college who had called her out for having “daddy issues” and Dana was so annoyed by it that she had stopped talking to her for a month, probably because she recognized the truth in it. 

 

“Happy Birthday yourself” Jacked kissed her quickly before looking back at the road and Dana was grateful for the distraction. “I have something for you” he promised her and she was relieved she had remembered to put the engraved watch he had gotten him in her purse. 

\--

 

“Was that my gift?” Scully asked, panting, feigning disapproval and pulling his pristine sheets up to her neck readjusting herself back on his bare torso that was rising and falling as quickly as her labored breaths were coming out. Her body was betraying that she wouldn’t have minded if it was, but the notion didn’t sit quite well with her.

“Of course not,” Jack who looked way too pleased with himself said as soon as he could speak. “We’re going away to my family’s cabin by the lake two weeks from now”.

“We are?” she frowned trying to think about upcoming work responsibilities and exams that could render her unavailable. 

“Don’t sweat it Dana” he said and ironically kissed her sweaty forehead. “It’s only for the weekend.”

A weekend away from everything sounded nice actually, and Scully started drifting off to sleep with the thought of a comfortable chair in front of the fireplace before she was sharply jerked back to reality by Jack’s voice thundering under his skin where her head lay and filling the dark room. 

“So why were you having dinner with Gibson in the first place?”

\--

Dana had an entire weekend to regroup and get in touch with herself, whom she felt like she had lost sight of, followed by the same panic of losing your mom as a child in a crowded place. She had always been under the impression she could will herself in and out of feelings, forcing her far more trusting mind to take control over her heart among other things. 

She had cleaned her apartment, twice, gotten ahead of work reports and rewritten her notes, not giving herself the luxury of thinking outside the very task in front of her which worked like a glove until she was blissfully submerged in her bathtub on Sunday night with a face mask on and a glass of sangria in hand. 

Only then did her mind conjure up blonde curls and icy eyes without her permission forcing her to deal with it. She had answered Jack’s questions about her as vaguely as humanly possible and had let him uncharacteristically bubble on about what he knew about her instead. 

 

She had, in fact, arrived this week and was to start working on Monday which had everyone in the Academy buzzing. As Scully had predicted, Superintendent Gibson was a big deal back in the UK, helping with some major investigations, especially her latest which had taken an unexpected turn. Jack didn’t know much about it besides the fact that the suspect had killed himself which allegedly unhinged Gibson. Dana had wanted to tell him that Stella didn’t look unhinged to her, but then again what did she really know about it. 

“She apparently made a request for a temporary transfer here. Too bad she doesn’t want to be on the field.”  
\--

Too bad indeed, Dana thought to herself as she squeezed in between two guys to get to one of the few available seats in the room; and she was five minutes early. She had been extremely busy all morning with reports and teaching to think about her Leadership class but as she sat down in the stuffy auditorium, which one would think was occupied by thirteen-year-olds instead of FBI analyst trainees in their late twenties, she started fidgeting.

She didn’t even notice the detective had entered the room until the collective hush that fell over the class made her look up to see Stella standing in front of the desk leaning casually back on it. The fluorescents cast an ominous light on her and Dana thought she looked like a theatre actress illuminated by that single circle beam of projected light that made her stand out on stage. 

Stella didn’t need the projector, the stage was hers. 

“Good evening, thank you for joining me today. As many of you already know I am superintendent Gibson and I will be replacing Agent Luks during her maternity leave” she said with the calm of someone who didn’t have at least forty pairs of eyes on her.

“I am caught up on what you’ve already worked on and we will be picking things up from there” she scanned the room and their eyes met for a single second before moving on to the guy next to her who was whispering something rather inappropriate under his breath to his friend.

Scully’s breath hitched but Stella had looked at her with complete indifference, or rather like the way you look at some stranger on the street, registering their presence but making zero mental notes about it.

Could it be that the detective had forgotten about her already? Dana wondered and hated the ting of disappointment that followed that thought. Why did she care so much? Jack had said that Stella was unhinged, but right now Scully felt that the only name following that adjective was her own. 

She tried her best to pay attention to what Stella was saying, taking down some ineligible notes that she would have to redo later. She searched the room for a familiar face and found Ben Miller who caught her looking and smiled at her before nodding his head at Stella’s direction and wiggling his thick eyebrows up and down suggestively. 

Scully scoffed playfully and rolled her eyes at his adolescent antics, which of course was the exact moment Gibson looked at her, questioningly cocking her head slightly to the side. From where she was standing she couldn’t see Ben and would have undoubtedly perceived the gesture as Scully’s response to something she was saying. 

Dana cursed her luck and looked down in shame, which reminded her of the time her elementary teacher had caught her playing with the residue her eraser left on the desk instead of paying attention. 

Scully didn’t look back up again until they finished going over an old case. She would have normally participated and suggested a course of action when Stella asked for suggestions, but rather, she remained silent and let the sound of Stella humming almost inaudibly in approval of what the other agents were suggesting, register in her body like a second heartbeat similar to the way the pumping of the base in nightclubs mimicked its rhythm. 

She shoved her notebook in her overflowing briefcase when Stella thanked them for a good start to the class and a promise to see them again next week. The room was buzzing with noise again and people were talking in what they thought were hushed voices about Gibson and her various aspects. Dana was certain she even heared the words “nice rack” coming from someone in the room as she waited for them to fill out and shook her head in disgust. These people were going to be the future of the country’s safety and right now it didn’t look promising. 

She had almost made it to the door when someone called her name. She turned and saw Ben rushing to her side with a grin. The room was almost empty now apart from a couple of guys who were lingering at their seats and doing a horrible job of masking staring at Stella while she gathered her things and put her blue blazer back on. 

Ben’s booming voice calling Dana’s name had caught the woman’s attention and she momentarily looked at Scully who couldn’t help but smile small at her. Stella didn’t return the gesture but watched as Ben’s huge frame pulled Scully’s tiny body in for a side hug. He was at least 6’2 and obscured her view of Stella in doing so. “Cat got your tongue?” Ben joked and guided her out of the room, walking with her to the direction of the parking lot.

“Huh?” Scully mused confused, her mind preoccupied with a certain pair of unmoving lips. 

“You usually don’t give anyone a chance to put a word in at Luks class, why the sudden vow of silence? Too starstruck?”

Dana broke free of his hold and threw him a warning look which made him laugh and put his hands up, faking surrender. Scully looked like an angry Chihuahua in front of him but she knew he meant well and she actually liked the guy. Ben looked around him to check if anyone was listening and bent over Scully to let out a low whistle “I don’t blame you. That woman is something else.” He admitted like it was some kind of breakthrough sentiment and not what was literally on everyone’s mind. Hers above all. 

“Shit” Scully cursed and stopped walking remembering she had left her files in the copy room this morning in a rush to get to the lab. “I forgot something. Are we still on for tonight?” she asked already walking away and Ben gave her a thumbs up in confirmation. 

They were having drinks at a bar nearby like they did every Monday night for the past year along with the rest of their group. Dana had been reluctant to go out on a Monday at the beginning but soon she found herself looking forward to those meetings. Most of the bar’s clientele consisted of agents, trainees, and instructors of the Academy so they could always count on a colleague, supervisor or student to have one too many and make a fool of themselves. Even skeptic, reserved Scully had been the star of one of those nights once or twice. 

She was still cringing from recalling the unfortunate combination of tequila shots and karaoke when she ran smack dab into someone exiting the copy room and cursed out loud when she felt hot liquid scorching the exposed skin over her collarbones. 

“Oh my! I am so sorry sweetheart” an older guy holding a now half-empty cup of coffee looked down at Dana and to her further dismay she saw that he didn’t look sorry in the slightest.

The hot coffee had seeped into her white dress shirt, soaking her bra in the process. She winced and pulled the shirt away from her skin nodding at the guy once. She knew that if she let herself talk she’d tell him exactly where to put his sad excuse of an apology along with that pet name. 

“Agent Scully,” Dana’s head snapped to the direction of the Brit and she looked past the guy, who took the opportunity to vanish, and into the copy room where Stella was, photocopies in hand. Her anger morphed immediately into mortification that the older woman had witnessed Dana making a fool of herself yet again. 

Stella came to stand at arm’s length from her inspecting her ruined shirt which would have made Dana turn crimson if she wasn’t already red from the slight burn. She couldn’t be sure but she thought she heard Stella say “wanker” under her breath before raising her eyes to Scully’s and ordering her to follow her. 

As if in a trance, Dana followed her down the hallway and up two flights of stairs where the Instructors’ offices were. Stella came to an abrupt stop in front of what Dana assumed was her office for the time being and Scully who had been walking two steps behind her like a puppy almost crashed into her back. The universe was just pushing it now, she thought as Stella unlocked the door and walked in throwing her purse unceremoniously on the desk. 

Dana stood frozen in the doorway unsure of what she was supposed to be doing. Stella turned to look at her and Scully was sure that if she didn’t look so miserable already, the blonde would have rolled her eyes at her. “Well come on in, don’t just stand there. I have a spare blouse you can use” she unhooked a plastic clothing bag from behind the door and handed it to Dana who had already risen her hands to protest. 

She wanted to tell her that she couldn’t possibly accept it, but something in the way the detective was looking at her told her that it wasn’t an offer she could refuse. She took the hanger from her and thank her before turning on her heel and escaping to the closest bathroom. 

She removed her jacket that was thankfully intact and took off her shirt and bra, feeling vulnerable and exposed half naked like that. She had made sure to lock the door but the image of the older woman barging in and seeing her like that entered her mind and Dana pressed the wet tissue she was using to clean herself hard over her burned collarbone. Her eyes watered by the self-inflicted act of punishment and for the millionth time that day Dana wondered what the hell she was doing. She didn’t look herself in the mirror as she put on Stella’s white blouse that smelled like the dry cleaners and very faintly off her heavy perfume. 

She headed back to the office knocking stupidly at the ajar door. Stella looked up from whatever she was reading and gave her a once over, pausing ever so slightly over Dana’s chest area. “I knew we were the same size”.

“Thank you so much, I’ll have it back at you-“

“No need,” Stella dismissed her waving a hand in front of her “it is a spare anyway”.

Dana lingered awkwardly at the door before clearing her throat and looking away. “Right, well thank you again. I have to be going” she put her hand on the door handle ready to close it behind her when she heard Stella’s voice again. 

“Oh, and Dana?” she looked at her pointedly “You should put on that blazer. It’s rather... nippy outside”. 

 

\-----------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The FBI agent assigned to me is getting significantly more nervous watching me do research about the FBI for this fic so yall better give me feedback before they take me out. PS. Do you like longer or shorter chapters?


	4. Chapter 4

Dana spent the entire ride home blushing, wishing to encounter a crack in the asphalt big enough to swallow her whole. She irrationally cursed her nipples, as if the normal reaction of her body was to blame. 

She hopped in the shower as soon as she got to her apartment, scrubbing viciously on the irritated skin of her torso, moving lower circling the traitorous parts of her that still stood up in attention. Stella’s smirk as she pointed them out played on a loop in her head and combined with the texture of her sponge created a familiar tingling sensation that surprised her so much that she gasped and dropped the sponge. 

She finished washing her hair quickly and wrapped her now very frustrated small body in her fluffy robe, ignoring its needs. What she needed was a drink. Barefoot and dripping she made her way to the kitchen and opened the lower two drawers of her cabinets, using them as a ladder in order to reach the half-empty tequila bottle she hid behind her baking supplies. 

She contemplated for a second about doing this the right way but her impatience got the best of her and she took a swig straight from the bottle, making a face and repeating the process three times. The phone rang cutting her midway her fourth “shot” and she hastily put the bottle back, somewhat embarrassed, running to answer it. 

Jane Greene, one of Scully’s few girlfriends from the Academy wanted to ask if Dana wanted a ride to the bar since she was this week’s designated driver. She agreed, whooping internally that it had been her turn to be the DD last week and tonight she was free to get loose. God knows she needed it. 

Jane promised her she’d be there in an hour and Scully got to work immediately. She blow-dried her curly hair into obedience and put on a brown eye-shadow and heavy coat of mascara that made her eyes sparkle, or perhaps that was the tequila. Either way, she felt good, and the burgundy lipstick tied the look together. 

She quickly put on her favorite pair of fitting black slacks that hugged her form and tried on seven different shirts before rejecting all of them on a pile on the floor, sinking down beside it in defeat. She scanned the room having that idiotic moment of ‘I’m not going’ that every woman, scientists included, seemed to experience once in a while. 

Her eyes stopped on the chair she had discarded her work clothes and dragged herself hesitantly to it, picking up Stella’s blouse that was surprisingly unwrinkled. Scully pondered her options before ransacking her underwear drawer in search for a white lacey camisole that tied on the crotch.   
She threw it on and careful not to mess up her hair and makeup, put on the blouse, examining the results on her full body mirror. The camisole was slightly peeking through over her cleavage but this time nothing was poking through. 

She wondered if it was right for her to wear it, granted no one had witnessed the coffee incident and yet she felt oddly like the time she had ‘stolen’ her high school sweetheart’s letter jacket and had worn it territorially until they had broken up. 

Jane’s buzzing made the decision for her and she quickly finished getting ready and sprinted to Jane’s car who gave her an appreciative look. “Is this new?” she asked pointing to the shirt on their way to picking up Meg and Scully shrugged noncommittally, “sort of”.

The guys were already at the bar by the time they got there and Ben waved them over a table across the bar. The place was pretty packed by the usual suspects and a few locals.   
“Ladies, looking hot as always”, Sean McKinsly whistled and earned himself a slap on the back of his neck by Jane. Tommy Jones, Mark Skips and Dave Bishop were the only three guys along with Sean and Ben that had been smart enough to not immediately piss off Dana a year ago during their orientation. They had proven themselves to be quite the stand-up guys and the seven of them had cliqued. 

They always started with beers and finger food, talking about their weeks since they rarely all saw one another, apart from the occasional shared class. Speaking of which, it surprisingly took three rounds of Budweisers before the Stella subject was brought up. 

“Say Miller, you were in Gibson’s class you lucky son of a bitch, weren’t you?” Tommy inquired and Scully was sure Ben had already told him everything. 

“Man you know I was, quit playing. Dana was there too” he added as an aftermath and Meg elbowed her. 

“Shut up” she stated in disbelief, “why didn’t you tell us?”

“What’s the big deal with her, you’re all acting like fools, I don’t get it” Jane cut in and Dana was so thankful she could have kissed her. 

“You’re kidding, right?” Sean threw a fry at her, which she caught and popped in her mouth, to his good luck. 

“She’s like the go-to Super for the Met” Sean explained but was interrupted by Meg before he could continue listing off Stella’s titles, “And extremely hot”. 

All the guys nodded in unison and Jane rolled her eyes hard enough for the both of them. 

“Meg you haven’t even seen her” Mark pointed out and Meg shrugged. She and Dana had undergone field training together and Meg had helped her train on the weekends to be able to pass the evaluations. She had come out to her as a lesbian shortly after that and just confirmed what Scully had already, stereotypically from her part, suspected from the young woman’s pixie cut and the name Stephanie tattooed on her bicep. 

“I don’t need to” she smiled widely now and Dana observed once again how beautiful she was in spite of the short sleeved dad dress-shirt and stripped straight pants she had on. “Her reputation precedes her”. 

“Dana?” Dave turned to her for confirmation and now they were all looking at her, always the voice of logic. Her brain scrambled to find a satisfactory answer that wouldn’t betray the ever ending list of adjectives Dana Scully could use to describe the detective. 

“Smart is sexy” she said lamely at last and finished her beer. The guys whooped childishly and Meg gave her a high five for whatever reason. 

“Do you guys think she dips her toes in the lady pond?” Meg asked and Dana all but spat out the shot of tequila she was currently trying to swallow. 

“Keep on dreaming Megs” Tommy said and clinked his shot glass with hers before downing it.“Don’t fucking call me that” Meg threatened but did her shot as well. She knew Tommy was only teasing her, and similarly to the rest of the guys and Jane, they had reacted to her sexuality the way they had reacted to Dana being a redhead. “Okay and?” Dana recalled was Dave’s exact reaction to Meg coming out to him which was one of the reasons why she really liked these guys.   
“I love a challenge.” Meg said smugly and Dana coughed again. 

“What’s wrong with you today?” Jane who was sitting next to Scully whispered at her. Unlike the rest of them and Dana herself who was getting increasingly more intoxicated, Jane was sober and observant enough to notice a change in Scully’s behavior.

“You should slow down” She said again when Scully did another shot so that she wouldn’t have to answer her. 

“Is everything okay with Jack?” she asked again in an even lower tone and Dana nodded in relief they had entered a safe territory. She told her about the watch and the cabin and Jane had a hundred follow up questions that Dana was too dizzy to answer. 

“Scully, you are up after Sean. Song?” Mark pointed to the Karaoke songbook selection and Dana started shaking her head no. “No, no way” she took the book from him and closed it. “Not after the ABBA fiasco”. The guys laughed recalling Dana’s slurred rendition of Super Trouper.

“If I’m doing it, you’re doing it” Ben pointed a finger at her but being the lightweight he was, despite his huge frame, his aim faltered and he ended up pointing somewhere behind her. 

She laughed and opened the book, scanning over her options. “Number 276” she handed the book back to Sean and looked around to locate the source of the noise she had been hearing for a while only to realize Karaoke was already in full swing and the said noise was, in fact, one of her coworker’s take on 'Billie Jean'.

“Is that Andrews?” Jane followed her gaze and laughed in disbelief but Dana was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to respond. Dave saw her and gave her a huge grin, “Love me some drunk Scully”. 

“I’m not drunk, I’m tipsy”

“And I’m Santa Clause” Mark snorted at her and she actually pouted. 

The bar-goers cheered and clapped as Agent Andrews finished his song and took a bow which turned out to be a terrible idea since he toppled over and face planted on the dirty floor. 

Dana gasped and run, or rather wobbled, to his side. “Agent Andrews, are you okay?” she helped him up with the help of another guy and he smiled at her dizzily despite the blood running down his face coming from his nose. 

Some girls standing close started squealing and Dana rolled her eyes, helping Andrews to a chair. Somebody yelled to call an ambulance and Scully tried her best to sound like she wasn’t seeing double. “I’m a medical doctor” she announced to no one in particular and took a towel somebody had stolen from the bar, pinching the agent’s nose, checking to see if it was broken. 

“Agent Andrews, you’re lucky, it’s not broken. Keep leaning forward and bleed into this, don’t tilt your head back, do you hear me it’s important”.

The agent nodded and Dana let him be dragged outside by his friend. To her surprise, none of his blood had gone on her clothes and she gave herself a pat on the back for a job well done. 

“That’s enough of that Doc, time to be a star” Tommy manifested beside her out of thin air and pushed her in front of the Karaoke area where Sean was messing up a rap song Dana didn’t recognize. 

Meg who was clapping for him equally out of rhythm saw her and pulled her in for a side-hug resting her chin on top of Dana’s head. She hated when people did that but she was too out of it to fight it.

Sean finished his song and everyone clapped. She was sure that at this point no one would have noticed if he had sung the National Anthem which was the only reason, along with the alcohol on her empty stomach that gave her the guts to take the mic from him. Dana bopped her head to the opening notes of Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Rhiannon’, closing her eyes and trying her best to imitate Stevie Nicks’ low voice. She knew the song by heart and kept her eyes closed for most of it. 

All your life you’ve never seen  
A woman taken by the wind  
Would you stay if she promised you heaven?  
Will you ever win?  
Will you ever win?

She sang the last verse and smiled shyly as her friends clapped and Meg put her hands on either side of her mouth, making a makeshift megaphone to amplify the sound of her whistling. 

The song ended and Scully handed the mic to the next person in line, turning around to inspect the damage she had done, only to freeze when she spotted her. She was standing by the bar clapping, for what Dana could only assume was her. Stella caught her eye and smiled, making a show of clapping harder even though no one else was still doing it. 

Scully took off towards her direction immediately and the older woman stopped mid-clap, clearly not expecting Dana to engage with her so directly. And she was right. Without a second glance at her, Dana flew past her and into the safety of the bathroom, the beers and tequila threatening to make a reappearance. 

Thankfully the dirty, graffiti-ridden stalls were empty and Dana put two hands on the filthy sink counter to steady herself. She looked in the mirror trying to focus and the woman who stared back at her was almost unrecognizable. 

Her skin was flushed, the slight perspiration giving her a light glow, her eyes wild and unfocused. She looked feral, the tiny part of Scully’s mind that was still working offered and she ran a hand under the water bringing it to the back of her neck.

Several minutes of heavy breathing and a weak pep-talk directed to her reflection later, Dana exited and stall and there she was again. 

“Are you okay?” Stella asked, observing her and Dana nodded. 

“What are you doing here?” she all but spat at her and Stella raised that damn questioning eyebrow at her.

“Agent Willis asked me to check on you.” She replied equally annoyed and Dana could tell the detective was not one to put herself in these kinds of situations. She looked especially out of place in here. “I can see you are just fine” she went on and turned to exit the bathroom.

Dana extended her right hand over the woman’s shoulder forcing the door shut and reaching around her waist, locked the door with her left one. She stepped away from Stella and the bubble of her perfume as quickly as she had invaded her space, leaning over the opposite wall. 

Stella looked at her genuinely surprised for the first time saying nothing but not attempting to leave again. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.” Dana started before she lost her nerve and met the woman’s eye. “What I meant to say was, what are you doing here, as in this bar.”

Stella considered this for a while and it looked like she wasn’t sure herself. “I was invited. Some instructors thought it would be a good idea to get to know each other.” She laughed humorlessly. 

“This doesn’t look like your scene.”

“It is not.”

“Then why- “

“Your boyfriend built quite a case for this place. And you.”

Dana frowned. Jack knew that today was Scully’s one day with her friends to kick back and how she hated for her romantic and platonic relationships to mix like that. When it happened that both she and Jack were at the bar at the same time, they had agreed that they would stay out of each other’s way. 

Despite the fact they had met and hooked up in here, Dana didn’t consider the bar like a “them” territory. 

“What did he say?” she didn’t know why Jack had told this woman anything in the first place or mentioned Scully. 

“Some Karaoke woes were told,” she smiled and Dana felt nauseous all over again. “You exceeded all expectations, however.”

Scully groaned and closed her eyes, “how much of that did you see?”

“I was quite hooked right from the ‘medical doctor’ part, I have to admit. Interesting choice of song, Stevie Nicks is quite a woman.”

Dana cursed inwardly that Stella had not only witnessed her singing but also her sloppy caretaking. She opened her eyes to look at Stella, “yes she is.” 

The implication hung heavy in the small space and Scully was sure the older woman could hear the thud-thud of her heart crashing against her ribcage. Stella lowered her eyes to its direction and Dana panicked thinking that the detective could seriously hear it but Stella just smiled. “It looks better on you”. 

Scully followed her gaze and winced. She had forgotten all about the shirt and the embarrassment swept through her like a tsunami. “I’m sorry I should have asked but-"

“Agent Scully, do you make a habit of profusely apologizing over things you shouldn’t feel sorry about?”

Dana thought for a second and shook her head truthfully, “almost never, to be honest. In fact, I haven’t been quite myself these past few days”.

Stella took three steps forward and came to stand directly in front of Dana, the pointy part of her heels touching Scully’s. “Why is that?” she asked and her breath fanned Dana’s face, who had stopped breathing altogether.

“I find you confusing,” the words came out involuntary like she was holding a medallion in front of her waving it back and forth, back and forth, hypnotizing Dana. No, Stella didn’t need the medallion. “And I’m usually really good at reading people.”

“Confusing how?” Stella raised her hand to pin a lock of auburn hair that had escaped behind Dana’s ear but seemed to rethink the gesture and let her hand drop. 

“I want…” the redhead faltered, not really knowing, or wanting to accept the rest of that sentence. 

“What do you want, Dana.” Stella asked patiently but firmly and Scully swallowed hard. 

“I want us…to be friends” was the best thing she could come up with, literally cornered like that, and on some extent, it was the truth. Stella’s face did not betray a single thing but Dana felt like she had filled the wrong answer on a Scantron test sheet. 

“Friends…” Stella echoed like the concept of friendship was foreign to her. “I don’t much care for that.” She took a step back and assumed her previous position, leaning against the door.

Dana felt oddly rejected but she could breathe again now so she was the one to close the distance with two small steps. To a third eye, observing the scene from above, they would look like magnets, pushing and pulling each other, alternating between being like and unlike poles. 

“What do you care for then?”

Stella didn’t seem to hear her, “I’ve made some serious mistakes these past few months. Mistakes I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I, too, was good at reading people, but I don’t trust my gut anymore.”

Dana was completely taken aback by the pure anguish in Stella’s voice, her hand flying to her automatically, wanting to give her comfort. She circled the woman’s arm just below her elbow and Stella pulled back. 

It was obvious to Scully that Stella didn’t allow people to see her like that, and even more obvious that this was something extremely hard for her to admit. 

“I think you could use a friend. A temporary one, at least” Scully offered, wanting to offer the older woman much, much more all of a sudden. 

“Friends,” Stella said again, but this time it was followed by a small smile. 

“Well, it’s not out of the realm of extreme possibility.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it weird that I find these two characters completely different even if they're played by the same damn woman? baby ( circa txf pilot) Scully and blonde (47 year old Gillian) Stella look completely different to me, yes, but even beyond that, I think of them as two people. is that mental?


	5. Chapter 5

Now what? Scully thought and Stella unlocked the door, turning to look at her over her shoulder. “Now you get something to eat” she told her and Dana realized she was thinking out loud. 

“There’s not much to eat around here” she said and Stella pursed her lips, her pupils dilating momentarily with whatever thought crossed her mind. If Dana had been sober she might have taken a guess. 

Stella opened the door and ducked her head reflexively down, narrowly missing the angry fist of a twenty-something-year-old woman who had been clearly banging on the door for some time now. Dana, on the other hand, who was standing directly behind the blonde and could barely stand, wasn’t in touch with her reflexes. The woman’s fist collided with Scully’s eye socket, sending her flying back. 

Dana heard the sickening sound of her back colliding with the hard linoleum floor, more than she felt it and all of a sudden she was grateful for all the alcohol she had consumed. The woman who knocked her down was pressing her legs together hopping from foot to foot, in clear need of the bathroom, gasped. “Oh my gosh! I am so sorry”.   
Stella rushed to Dana, bending down to place a hand on her cheek and despite everything, Scully smiled up at her, or rather all five of them. “Just go!” Stella barked at the woman and Dana saw her disappear down the hall and into the men’s room.

“Dana” she started, her eyebrows furrowing together in worry and Scully wanted to reach up and press her fingers between them to smooth the detective’s perfect skin. 

“Dana” Stella repeated more urgently, “can you move?”

Scully felt really light, weightless almost. She feared that if Stella took her hand away from her face, she would fly away like a helium balloon. 

She went to move and the room went dark. 

\---

Scully opened her eyes, or rather one of them with a start and gasped. Her hand flew to her face, clawing at the bandage she found there and somebody gripped her arm pulling it away.

“I wouldn’t do that”.

Dana looked up and it took her a second to focus on Stella’s face. “How are you feeling?” the blonde said and took a seat next to Scully’s hospital bed. Realization dawn on her at last and she panicked trying to get up, her heart monitor going crazy.

Stella was on her again, gently but firmly pushing Dana back to her pillow. “Dana please lay down, everything is okay.”

Scully closed her eyes, letting the woman’s words register in her mind. She had never been one of those people who experienced memory loss when drunk. She would have opted for that option now, instead of slowly recalling the embarrassing events of last night. 

She could feel her right eye was swollen shut and her headache was borderline unbearable. The adrenaline that had kept the pain away last night was now attacking her full force and a part of her thought she deserved it for being so careless. 

She sighed and tried to focus on her breathing until the frantic beeping of the monitor subsided. She opened her good eye again and looked at Stella who was still hovering over her, coffee cup in hand. 

“What time is it?” she asked and looked around the room. She was hooked on an IV with fluids but besides that, no other measures were taken.

“Past five in the morning,” Stella said and sat back down. 

Dana frowned and the notion hurt her eye, a hissing sound escaping her lips. 

“I’m calling the nurse” Stella stood up yet again and Scully was the one to grab her arm this time. “No, it’s fine. Can you please pass me my chart?”

Stella seemed unconvinced but Scully must have looked extremely miserable so the older woman said nothing and obliged to her request. Dana skimmed the few pages and nodded to herself. Just as she had thought, the IV was to chase the alcohol out of her system and keep her hydrated. Her eye had taken the worst of it aside from the bruises she could feel splotching the smooth skin of her back. Thankfully nothing was broken. 

Stella snorted and Scully looked at her questioningly. “Doctors really do make the worst patients” she smiled at Dana and the latter cursed herself for not being able to roll her eyes. 

“What are you doing here? How did I get here in the first place?” she silently prayed that Stella hadn’t called an ambulance.

“I called an ambulance” Stella confirmed her fears and Scully groaned loudly. “I didn’t know if you had hurt your head and I didn’t want to risk moving you.” 

“You scared poor Willis to death” she continued and Dana had a feeling she wasn’t talking about jack at all. 

“Jack-” 

“Don’t worry, he was here until the nurses kicked him out and so were your friends” Stella reassured her and looked amused. “They insisted that the hospital gives you a private room or else they’d use their FBI connections to shut down the hospital’s funds.”

Dana groaned again at her friends’ drunken stupidity but couldn’t help but feel touched. 

“Wait, if visitation hours are over how are you still here?” and why she asked that last part in her head and looked at the Brit, taking in her appearance for the first time. Stella had on the same thing she had worn in class that morning and Dana felt like that had been forever ago. She realized that the older woman hadn’t been home all day and the dark shadowed under her pretty eyes told her she hadn’t slept in a long while either. Suddenly Scully felt overwhelmed. 

“I have my ways” Stella replied and took a sip of her coffee. 

“Why are you here?” 

Stella looked at her saying nothing. Dana held her gaze and her breath hitched, her heart pumping blood twice as fast to make up for the lack of oxygen in her body. The beeping of the monitor jumped to match its rhythm and it took Dana a second to realize what was happening before quickly looking away from Stella, her cheeks flaming.

She quickly reached up to the machine and turned a metallic switch down, cutting the monitor’s sound off. The silence that followed was somehow louder than the frantic beeping and Dana felt like crying. What was she doing to her?

The sound may have been off but Dana could still see the graph on the monitor’s screen going wild and so could Stella. From where she was sitting, the blonde had a grand view of the exact effect she had on Dana and she felt vulnerable and exposed. 

Stella dragged her chair closer to the bed and put her hand on Dana’s torso just under her collarbone. “Breathe” Stella whispered and Scully closed her eyes, on the verge of hyperventilating. 

“This. Isn’t. Helping” she gasped almost inaudibly and the older woman must have heard her because she withdrew her arm immediately. 

“I’m- I am going to tell the nurse you are awake” she said taking the hint and giving Dana some space to calm down. 

Scully kept her eye closed way after she heard the door close behind the detective, trying to keep the tears from spilling. She was humiliated, exhausted and in pain. She didn’t know what was happening to her and why her body was reacting to the detective in that way but now it wasn’t just her burden to carry, Stella knew the effect she had on Dana. 

A mocking voice in her head pointed out that she was being dense and that the DSU had known since the day Dana had looked at her in the restaurant even if she didn’t know it herself just then.

Stella came back after a minute with a nurse who raised an eyebrow at the heart monitor but thankfully said nothing. She reconfirmed what Scully already knew and after changing her IV left with a final warning to Dana to go to sleep. 

Stella put on her coat and Dana refused to look at her when she squeezed her hand wordlessly on her way out. If she wasn’t so stubborn and embarrassed, Scully thought she would have held on to her small warm hand forever. That scared her more than anything and she almost missed Stella lingering by the door.

“Because that’s what friends do.” She answered Dana’s long forgotten question, without looking at her and quietly slipped out, leaving Scully alone to cry herself to sleep.

\--

Dana spent the rest of the week holed up in her apartment avoiding the world. Jack had picked her up from the hospital the morning after Stella had left and had offered to stay with her half-heartedly. Scully had refused adamantly but had let Jane stay over her place for a night and wake her up every few hours to check for a concussion. 

She had called in sick at work, although word had gotten out that she had been decked in the ladies room by some chick who wanted to pee, according to Mark’s very enthusiastic phone call. There were even some rumors that Stella was the one who had knocked out Dana and the redhead stayed in bed for two days after hearing that one. 

Jane could tell there was something bothering Dana beyond her black eye but she didn’t press her to talk. After sending her on her merry way, Scully had stayed on her couch becoming one with the duvet until the food she had in the apartment had run out. 

She looked and felt disgusting yet she couldn’t find the will to get up and get on with her life. By Friday morning, the swollen of her eye had gone down completely and was replaced by nasty bruising, painting her undereye area a blackish purple. The blood vessels in her actual eye had popped creating a labyrinth of thin red lines around her pupil that stood out, making her look like a vampire. 

She made the take-out guy leave her food on the doormat and slipped him a twenty under the door. Aside from her messed up face, her hair was matted into a bun and she still had one the sweats she wore after coming back from the hospital. 

Dana Scully loved cleaning, being clean and baths. She couldn’t remember a day in her life she had gone without taking a shower after that one week she had to spend in bed with smallpox as a child. Her current state was the single most out of character thing that had happened this week, and there were a lot of them, she thought bitterly. 

She devoured the Chinese takeout and settled back into the couch, turning down Jack’s request to come see her. She held some unreasonable resentment towards him for whatever reason and childishly blamed him for the way things had turned out. He had been the one who told Stella about the bar and from what he knew of him, and her, he was the one that he insisted she went there. If she hadn’t gone, maybe none of this would have happened.

Scully knew she was being stupid and just wanted someone to blame for her own dumb luck. She tried rationalizing the way the blonde woman had turned her otherwise composed self into this sniveling mess, without doing much. 

Dana’s ‘out of sight out of mind’ approach to things had not worked in the slightest. When she wasn’t restlessly sleeping, she was thinking about the detective and the way her hand had felt on her torso. 

Even crazier than that Dana had felt disappointed that the woman hadn’t made any contact with her since leaving the hospital. Scully tried to banish that thought, reminding herself that the detective didn’t even have her number and why would she check up on her in the first place after Dana’s childish reaction to the woman trying to help. 

She bit the inside of her cheek and felt horrible. She wanted to call her and apologize or thank her just now remembering she hadn’t even done that. 

It actually took her two more days to gather up the courage to call and in the meantime she busied herself with cleaning the apartment and taking a much needed long bath, avoiding looking herself in the mirror. 

By Sunday evening she felt more like herself than she had in weeks and after downing the entire glass of wine, Dana dialed Stella's number and tried to calm her breathing while it rang.

“Gibson” Stella picked up on the fourth ring and Scully felt like she lost control of her vowels. 

“Hi, it’s Dana” she whispered and was met with silence on the other end. “Dana Scully” she tried again stupidly. She doubted the detective knew many Danas that would call her on her private number on a Sunday. 

“How did you get this number?” Stella asked and Scully gulped at her icy tone. Maybe this had been a bad idea. She had asked Jack to pull some strings and get the number for her ‘to thank her’, which was half the truth anyway. 

“I have my ways” she mimicked what the older woman had told her in the hospital and started pacing up and down her apartment nervously. 

Before Stella had the chance to reply Scully went on, “I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of things and staying with me at the hospital, I believe I was extremely rude and forgot to the thank you then”, she gashed before losing her nerve and only then realized she was standing on top of the couch in the middle of the living room, having no recollection of getting there. 

Stella said nothing for what seemed like ages and Dana was sure she was going to start crawling on the walls if this lasted any longer.

“You don’t need to thank me I was just doing my job.”

Her job? Scully wanted to yell. What the hell did that even mean? She felt like the blonde had reached her hand through the line and slapped her. It was clear to her that whatever promise of a more personal relationship between them had shattered to the ground and despite everything, Dana wasn’t one to beg. 

“Well” she started slipping in the tone she used at work “thank you either way. I was going to invite you to lunch sometime to thank you, but I can see now that that wouldn't interest-"

“Lunch?” Stella interrupted her and dana almost fell from the couch. 

“Or dinner” she offered, frustrated. She really couldn’t figure her out. 

“Are you free tonight?” Stella asked without missing a beat and this time Scully’s knees really gave out making her land on the soft cushions. 

“I-I am. But I don’t feel like going out in public quite yet, my eye-’’

“I can come to you” Stella interrupted her again and Dana was glad there weren’t any monitors around. She was sure her heartbeat was a flat line by now. 

“If you’ll have me” she said again so silently Scully was sure she had made it up. 

Suddenly whatever resilience she had washed away and she gave the Brit her address and directions, stumbling over her words. Stella told her she’ll see her soon before hanging up, leaving Scully to panic. Dana looked around her apartment and sighed in relief that it was spotless. 

The same thing couldn’t be said for her. She ran to the bathroom and winced at her reflection. Her eye was healing excruciating slow and her hair was curling around her neck making her look like a beat up twelve-year-old. She decided against makeup and threw a comb over her hair tying it loosely on the nape of her neck with a scrunchie, a flew strands escaping their confines and framing her face. 

She shed her fluffy robe and put on a comfortable pair of pants, along with a long burgundy shirt that she usually wore around the house. There was no point in trying to look put together now, knowing very well she’d look ridiculous next to Stella no matter how she looked. 

A glass of wine and a lot of painful pacing later the buzzer rang and Dana almost jumped out of her skin, running to let her in. “Second floor” she said into the buzzer and cursed at how squicky her voice sounded. She had approximately two minutes to get her shit together and it didn’t look promising. 

Stella knocked on the door and Dana opened it reluctantly taking in the sight in front of her. The detective was wearing a simple grey cotton shirt that hung low on her cleavage and some black slacks, not unlike the ones dana had on. Her black coat stopped at her knees and she still managed to look like the poster child of business attire. Her hair was effortlessly styled into perfection and her curls bounced as she raised her hand holding the take out bag as a peace offering. 

“Will you let me in or do I need to show you identification?”

“Shit sorry come on in” Dana stepped aside to let the blonde in and caught her smiling at Scully's choice of words. 

“I’m sorry the place is such a mess” she lied the way people do when they have people over and have spent the last two days cleaning furiously. 

“Are you going to keep this up all evening?” Stella inquired, looking around her house like she was examining a crime scene. She looked amused when her eye fell on the tiny Christmas tree dana had still up in March but didn’t comment on it. 

“What?”

“The saying sorry bit. I thought we had gone over that”.

“Right, sorry” Scully said automatically and Stella laughed, the soft sound going straight to Dana’s belly rearranging her organs.

Stella walked to the tinny kitchen island and let the bag down next to the bottle of wine Scully had forgotten to put back. 

“I see you’ve started without me” the woman said and poured herself the remaining Prosseco into Dana's clearly used glass, bringing it to her mouth and taking a sip without hesitation, her glossy lips closing over the exact spot Dana’s had been a few minutes ago. 

That thought threw her off so much, she stood frozen by the kitchen door opening and closing her mouth like her goldfish did when she used to take them out of their tank and make them kiss as a child. 

Stella raised an eyebrow at her as if daring her to say something about it and Dana averted her eyes. “I’ll get you another glass” she mumbled and opened her cabinet with a shaky hand. 

Stella took a seat on the islands stool and put a possessive hand over Dana's glass when the redhead offered her the clean one. The detective ignored her and started emptying the contents of the bag on the island. 

“I didn’t know what you like so I went with the safest option” she said and slid a carton filled with a well done steak and sweet potatoes towards her. It took dana a second to realize that the logo on the bag was from the steakhouse they first met. 

“I didn’t know this place did take away” Dana said and took a seat beside the blonde who smiled looking pleased with herself. “They don’t” she confirmed and took a bite of her aesthetically arranged burger. 

Scully was sure the woman in front of her could talk the queen of England into resigning so she made no further comment about it and hummed appreciatively as the sweet potato melted in her mouth. “That’s good, I haven’t had any real food all week.”

She felt rather than saw Stella looking at her disapprovingly and reluctantly turned to look at her. 

“How are you feeling?” The detective asked genuinely and looked at Dana’s wounded eye furrowing her brows. 

“I’m fine, it looks worse than it is” she reassured her but Stella didn’t look convinced. “Trust me I’m a medical doctor.” 

“So we’ve established” Stella said teasingly turning to her food again, giving Dana space to breathe. 

“How was your week?” Dana asked lamely after a few agonizing minutes of silence.

The detective paused and Scully felt like no one had asked the woman a simple question like that in ages. She couldn’t help but feel sad for her, which surprised her. At first glance, you would guess she was constantly surrounded by people, showered with attention and love but Dana doubted Stella actually let any of it in. At the end of the day, she was someone who felt the need to put an entire ocean between her and her real life. She looked in control of her situation and hell, more comfortable in Scully’s house than she did, but the fact remained; she was alone in a foreign country. 

“Uneventful” Stella said at last and looked at her, still lost in her thoughts. 

“Are you quite done profiling me?” She said again and Scully averted her eyes feeling caught. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“I just can’t think of a reason why someone like you would come here” she admitted truthfully.

“Someone like me?” 

“You know what I mean.” 

Stella was clearly avoiding the question, the both of them dancing around what they really wanted to say and ask. They ate the rest of their food in silence, both lost in their own thoughts but this time it wasn’t awkward but rather comforting. Dana stood up to throw away the cartons and moaned as the bruises in her lower back flared. She hadn’t applied the heat ointment since Jane had put it on her and her body could tell. 

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing, I haven't used my ointments recently.”

“And you call yourself a doctor.” She shook her head at Dana who got defensive and spoke before she had time to think of the consequences. “I can’t reach there, okay?”

Stella was taken aback by the outburst but stood up immediately extending her palm face up to Dana. 

“Ointment, now” She demanded and Scully tried not to laugh at the way her British accent glided over that word. The wine was getting at her. 

“Something funny, Doctor?” Stella asked and dana couldn’t tell if the woman was really getting annoying or playing with her. She decided not to push her either way and motioned for her to follow her into the small bathroom. She could feel her heartbeat in her ears as she opened her mirror retrieving the half-empty tube and handed it to the detective wordlessly. 

“Where is it?” Stella asked and looked at Dana’s feflection in the mirror as they both stood in front of it. Scully gulped visibly and tried to describe where she felt the pain in the middle of her upper back, a bit to the left. 

“Hold on to your shirt” Stella instructed and dana clutched at the burgundy cloth under her breasts holding it in place as Stella lifted it from behind and gathered it in her left fist all the way up, over her shoulders. 

A shiver went down Scully’s spine, a combination of the semi-cold air hitting her back and the way Stella was looking at her bare skin. She didn’t have a bra on, leaving her practically naked under Stella's scrutinizing gaze. 

She had taken a glimpse of the bruises when she took a shower earlier that morning and had winced at the sight. The one in the middle of her back wasn’t as bad as the one over her left hipbone that started from the small of her back and disappeared into her panties. 

Dana watched Stella in the mirror, surreptitiously and if she wasn’t breathing so hard she would have noticed that Stella's hand trembled slightly as she unscrewed the lid and squeezed a good amount of ointment into her palm, with five free, trembling, fingers like a ninja. 

She raised her palm to the bruise and ever so lightly spread some of the cold gouey substance on it. Dana gasped audibly and stella withdrew her hand, her eyes searching dana’s in the mirror. 

“Am I hurting you?” she asked apologetically and her breath fanned dana’s neck causing her to squirm. 

The truth was that Dana couldn’t even feel her face at this point, let along her bruised back. Her reaction had been her body’s response to Stella’s light fingers on her bare skin and that realization was so dangerous it scared her.

“No, it’s just cold” Dana lied and Stella rolled her eyes at her reflection.

“Don’t be such a baby” she teased but the next time she touched her, her fingers were even lighter, slowly working their way covering the miscolored skin. Dana’s eyes closed involutory, the sensation too overwhelming to be looking at the woman who was responsible for it, at the same time. 

Stella massaged the substance into her skin and without opening her eyes, Dana crossed her arms over her breasts, hiding the evidence of arousal before the older woman could see it. 

“May I ?” she asked now and without looking at her Scully knew she was asking permission to move to her lower back. She didn’t trust her voice so she just nodded and felt Stella tracing the outlines of the bruise with her finger as if she was painting on her skin. Scully never wanted her to stop. 

Her eyes snapped open after a few seconds when she felt Stella tagging lightly at the hemline of her pants and turned around instinctively, miscalculating how close the blonde actually was. She was pinned in between her body and the sink, unable to escape, not that she wanted to.

Logic and sense had deserted her the second the woman in front of her had stepped through the threashold. 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it hot in here or is it just me?


	6. Chapter 6

They were the exact same height. Stella must have kicked off her shoes at some point without Scully noticing and for the first time, the latter had the opportunity to openly stare and examine her. She was easily the most stunning woman she had ever seen. Her skin creased lightly around her eyes and the puffy darker skin underneath them was the only indication she was, in fact, human. The laugh lines at the sides of her uniquely shaped lips betrayed either happier times or a lifetime of faked tight-lipped smiles. Her cheekbones looked like a skilled sculptor had taken his sweet time carving them into existence, while every other line and blemish on her otherwise porcelain skin had a story to tell and Dana wanted to know them all. Her eyes flickered to an almost healed scar over her right eyebrow and she wanted to lean in and press her lips to it, taste the story behind it.

The scar wasn’t the only place her lips ached to be when Stella’s tongue darted out and licked her top lip in a clockwork motion drawing Dana’s attention to it. 

Scully looked away self-consciously and Stella took a step back giving her space. Dana knew what would happen if she gave in to her wants and she couldn’t allow it. Not now, not like this. 

“I’m-“ she started but grounded her teeth together. She wasn’t going to say she was sorry, even though she was. Sorry that she let herself act like that, sorry that she didn’t do what she desperately wanted to and sorry for wanting it in the first place. Her head was an impossible place to live in as of lately.

She looked up and Stella was looking at her expectedly to finish what she was saying. She couldn’t read the older woman’s mind but she could tell something in her had shifted in the few seconds Dana had taken her eyes away from her. 

“Thank you,” she said instead and ducked her head as she walked past Stella and out of the bathroom. She headed straight for her wineglass and emptied the whole thing before Stella returned. 

“It’s getting late,” She said not looking at Dana and slipped back into her oxfords looking around for her coat. 

“You don’t have to go,” Scully said and meant it. She didn’t want her to leave, but she knew she had nothing to offer at this moment worth making her stay. 

Stella looked at her, her lips settling into a small pity smile. “I really do. Thank you for dinner.”

“You bought it, I didn’t even get the chance to thank you properly.”

“Oh please,” Stella waved a hand dismissively at her. “My pleasure.”

Dana could tell that last bit was far from the truth and her face paled significantly. She was running out of time and excuses to keep her here. 

The blonde headed for the door and Dana all but run to stand in front of it. What was she going to do? Lock her in? Embarrassed, she undid the chain and opened the door breathing deeply when Stella passed by her, burning the memory of her into her brain, fearing that this was going to be the last time she would ever be this close to her. 

Stella paused and nodded at Scully’s long forgotten black eye, “take care of yourself.”

There was a finality to her tone, she might as well have said: “have a nice life” for all Scully knew and the thought made her panic. 

“Let me make it up to you.” She tried one last time and hoped the older woman couldn’t hear the desperation in her voice.

“That won’t be necessary.” 

“But- "

“Dana.” She cut her off and gave her that little pitying smile again. “I think we both know this won’t go anywhere.”

Scully wasn’t naïve. She knew what “this” entailed but hearing it out loud still took her aback. There she was, the most interesting woman she had ever met, putting her cards on the table for Dana. The mere thought of it was ludicrous but then again Scully had always been extremely hard on herself. 

She had been tiptoeing around the subject instead of confronting it head on like she always did, but this was different. There were too many variables in the equation. There was Jack, (Jack!), to think of and her and Stella’s student-teacher, professional relationship.

The truth was, however, that those were rational obstacles with solutions and what had, literally, been keeping Dana up at night was the fact that Stella was a Stella, if she was going to be honest with herself. 

Dana had thought herself straight all her life. Despite her obvious, deep admiration and love for her sex and its members that made a difference in society, she had never found herself thinking of a woman in that way. Not even as a child or in college when some of her girlfriends had experimented. 

This was foreign territory. Dana had always prided herself with knowing who she was and what she wanted out of life, so having her identity shaken to its very core like this, was not to been taken lightly. She couldn’t justify her body and mind’s reaction to this stranger of a woman that was flung out of space and into her orbit. 

Stella perceived her silence as a response and took another step back “I thought I could do the friend thing, but truth be told it’s not working for me. I don’t want a friend right now Dana, hope you understand.”

She did and didn’t. The detective gave her no chance to answer and hastily bid her goodnight, turning on her heels.

“Stella” Dana put a hand on her arm firmly, holding her in place. It was the first time she had addressed her by her first name and it felt weighted, like saying the f word as a child around her parents, scary and exciting. The blonde must have been thinking the same thing because she stopped walking. 

“Have dinner with me next week. I’m not quite myself right now” she pointed at her eye but meant so much more. “I know that you don’t need a friend and I…” she couldn’t finish but looked at the woman in front of her and hoped with all her might that her eyes would speak the words she didn’t dare say out loud. 

The blonde starred back, searching, thinking, deciding. This was her last chance. She knew Stella always got what she wanted, whomever she wanted, and had already broken many rules for Dana. 

“I’ll think about it.” And with that, she disappeared down the hall leaving Dana staring into nothing at the spot she had been, for the next five minutes. 

\--

The following week passed both agonizingly slow and incredibly fast at once. Scully couldn’t miss any more of her classes or work so she stalked up on makeup, hiding her black eye under layers and layers of Maybelline hoping no one would mention it. 

She pretending to go on about her life as if nothing had happened and technically nothing had. Her students barfed in lab bins over chopped livers, her friends teased and called to say how much she was missed on Monday’s drinking session, Jack had slept over almost every night and everything was back to normal. 

Back to normal apart from the blonde curls in her dreams. Back to normal but for the tripping over her feet at the mention of a woman’s name, the quickening of her breath at the sight of a said woman and the superhuman effort it took to not openly stare at her in front of fourty other agents in class. 

Yes, everything was back to normal. 

By Thursday night Dana had decided that Stella’s “I’ll think about it” meant “I won’t”, the way she knew her dad’s ‘maybe’ meant ‘no’. She threw her pajamas into a duffle back with unnecessary force and zipped it, kicking it close to the door. She had completely forgotten about her birthday gift, the cabin getaway weekend, until Jack had told her to pack light this morning. 

She had wanted to cancel, but all her reasons couldn’t be said out loud, especially to jack who was oblivious to the raging war that had been going on inside her head. Surely he could tell from the way she kissed him, Dana thought, and certainly from the way she had blamed her eye and faked a headache to get out of other activities she wouldn’t have objected to three weeks ago. Yet he hadn’t, which was both infuriating and a relief.

-

Jack picked her up from her apartment the following day and she slept for the entire four-hour car ride there. By the time they got to the cabin it was snowing and Dana felt more miserable than ever. This was supposed to be her chance to relax and let loose with Jack, who had yet to pick up on her foul mood. 

“Home sweet home” he announced and locked the door behind them shedding his snow-covered parka and helping Dana out of hers. 

“I forgot to tell you that this is an electronics-free type of house and there’s no signal up here.” He informed her and ushered her to the frosty living room, bending in front of the fireplace to get a fire going. 

Great. Dana thought bitterly and was glad she had called her mom in the morning to tell her about her plans so she wouldn’t worry if she couldn’t reach her. 

No one else would either. She thought as an aftermath but dismissed it immediately. She had a chance; three to be exact and she blew it. 

-

Their weekend passed quicker than she expected. At some point, she even forgot about wanting to check her email and voicemail and concentrated on the beautiful nature around the cabin instead. She built a snowman and made snow angels that looked rather pitiful due to the fact a sixth grader had longer limbs than her. On Saturday the power went out and Jack had to wrap her up in three blankets to keep her warm which ended with them naked under them after them some time.

Scully wondered what she was even thinking about these past three weeks, laying next to Jack, spent and fulfilled. This was what she’d known all her life, the pressure of a man’s weight against her small body was comforting, familiar, making her feel safe. How could she ever replace this feeling with something unknown and unfamiliar, or in her case too familiar?

She flushed just to the thought, her mind conjuring up images of a dirty magazine she had once found hidden under her brother’s mattress depicting two women doing all sort of things to each other.

Those images stayed in her mind until the trip was over and she found herself back in her apartment on Sunday night checking her voicemail. She had 3 new messages and her heart leaped as she hit play, only to be filled with disappointment as two of them were from her friends and the third from her mom asking to see if she had gotten back safely. 

By Monday evening the thought was buried deep and stored away in her head in that ever-growing file of things that didn’t work out, as she made her way to Stella’s leadership class and took her usual seat as far away from the center of the room as possible. 

“Good evening, everyone.” Stella greeted them and Dana could immediately tell something was off. The older woman looked impeccable as always, dressed in a tight pencil skirt and a black lace button up, her hair spilling down her back in soft waves, but her voice was strained. She looked a million miles away, and maybe she was or ought to be. Dana had to bitterly remind herself that this wasn’t her home, in all intents and purposes she belonged an ocean away and it showed. 

Her suspicions were confirmed as the class went on and her fellow agents had to repeat their questions twice to the detective before getting a half-hearted answer. In fact, when a particularly annoying guy that had undergone field training with Dana pressed Stella with a strategic question the woman was clearly unfamiliar with since it included a sub-law of the American enforcement system that the English one didn’t include, she saw Stella faltering for the first time ever, and Scully raised her hand automatically. 

Stella looked at her and if it was anyone else they would have missed the fleeting look of relief that crossed the older woman’s face before she nodded at Dana to speak.

“Actually,” Scully begun and unfaltering went on explaining the difference between the two systems, answering Mr.Competition’s question in the process. This was her element. She was sure in her knowledge and herself. Laws were easy, life not so much. 

“Precisely,” Stella added when Scully finished talking and Dana felt warm all over. The detective finished the lesson without another hitch and before she knew it they were filling out of the class once again. 

“Agent Scully” she faintly heard the woman call at her as she was stepping out into the hallway and she stopped dead on her tracks making the girl behind her bump into her. She quickly stepped aside and went to stand closer to the front desk waiting for everyone to leave the class, looking at her feet. 

“Thank you,” she heard Stella whisper at last and she looked up to see her staring out of the window absentmindedly. 

Scully was about to ask what for, but she knew this wasn’t the time to fish for flattery and reassurances. She knew that Stella had caught what she had done earlier. 

“Anytime, he was pissing me off,” she tried to joke it off and Stella’s lips turned a tad upwards on the sides but it didn’t reach her eyes. 

Dana wanted to close their distance and hug her so tight there would be no room for whatever was plaguing her. 

“Is everything okay?” she tried, knowing very well she wouldn’t get an answer. Maybe she didn’t deserve one. 

As predicted Stella ignored the question but turned to look at her as if she just now realized her physical presence in the room. 

“Can I still take you up on your offer for-"

“Yes,” Dana cut her off before she could even finish asking and immediately turned beet red. This time Stella did smile and put on her coat. 

“There’s a dining hall in my hotel that’s quite nice, you can have something there while I put a dent to their alcohol storage.” She said and motioned for Dana to follow her. 

“It’s five o’clock somewhere,” Scully said and followed her out of the room and all the way to the parking lot, trying to ignore the stares the both of them were getting by literally everyone they passed on their way there. 

“Let’s take my car” Stella suggested and unlocked the door of a rental Prius that had seen better days. Dana hesitated for a second wondering how she was supposed to get home after, but the force with which Stella closed the driver’s door told her this wasn’t the time for debates. 

Dana had barely put on her seatbelt when Stella zoomed out of the parking lot and into the highway with the ease of someone who had been driving on the right side of the road all their life. 

Scully put a hand on the dashboard gripping the hard plastic for dear life as Stella flew past the other cars on the road whispering profanities under her breath, pushing the speed limit. Dana was somehow both scared for her life and totally impressed by the way Stella pressed down on the gas with her 8th inched Louboutins. She really was the poster picture of the male fantasy right now and Dana felt oddly lucky that she was the one who got to witness it instead.

Before long, Stella was pulling into the hotel’s parking lot and Dana thanked God that she didn’t have motion sickness. 

The hotel was more of a branch of a famous line of hotels, that served rather as an apartment complex accompanied by a dining hall, an indoor swimming pool, and a tennis court, from what Scully could see as they made their way inside. There were a few men and women dressed in business suits in the lobby and Dana felt significantly out of place when they looked at her and Stella making their way to the elevators. 

Scully didn’t miss the way the men were ogling at Stella but once again she didn’t even spare them a glance as she repeatedly pressed the green button, willing the elevator to come faster. If it was in its power Dana believed that it would have. 

This whole time she had been trying to keep up with the older woman and the both of them hadn’t said a word but suddenly Dana was very aware of the fact they were probably heading to her room.

She gulped as the elevator biped, announcing its arrival and Dana was thankful that it was very spacious as they got in and the doors closed behind them, shielding them from the world for the short time it took them to get to the eighth floor. 

Dana pressed her back on the far edge of the left mirror-covered wall and tried not to look at Stella who stood proudly in the middle of it, her image bouncing off on all four mirrors, including the one on the ceiling. 

Suddenly there were six of her and Dana gulped audibly making Stella turn to look at her. Once again Stella looked like she had just remembered Dana’s presence but before she could say anything they were on the eighth floor and Stella was flying down the hallway again. 

She fished her key out of her bag and unlocked the door, waiting for Dana to follow her inside before kicking it shut with her heeled foot. 

“Make yourself comfortable, I’ll just be a minute,” she told Dana without looking at her and disappeared into what Scully assumed was a walk-in closet. 

She stood idly in place and inspected the spacious room. She knew these kinds of accommodations didn’t have room service and marveled at the pristine condition of everything but the bed, that looked slept on, indicating she had left in a hurry this morning. 

The entire place smelled heavily of her perfume and the distinct smell that was purely her, making Dana’s head spin. Apart from a few files on the small desk by the window, the room looked almost inhabited and Scully wandered how much time the detective actually spent in here. And with whom…

“Shall we?” Stella reemerged from the closet making Dana jump. She looked up at her and did a double take. The detective had kept her heels on but replaced her outfit with a pair of high waisted black pants, a simple white tank top that fit her like a glove and exaggerated the curve of her breasts as she slid into a light black blazer. 

Dana was glad all of a sudden that she had made an effort with her appearance this morning. She had routinely covered her bruised eye and added a reddish lipstick that matched her burgundy shirt. She even had on her favorite skirt and short black pumps yet somehow still felt grossly underdressed next to Stella’s effortless perfection. 

“Leave these here, you can come to get them later” Stella pointed at Dana’s coat and work bag that she was clutching close to her body. Scully complied, taking her wallet and living the rest, following Stella out of the room. 

The blonde looked significantly more at ease now that she had an hour ago but the haunted look had yet to leave her eyes. They were silent again on the ride down to the lobby and Scully searched for something fitting to say, coming up empty and giving up altogether.

The dining hall was relatively empty but for a table of five that were loudly arguing about something. A waiter offered them a table near the piano that was currently occupied by a woman dressed in the hotel’s colors, working her magic over the keys, filling the room with a calming tune that put Dana at ease. 

“A bottle of Cabernet and a food menu for her please” Stella ordered without consulting Dana, which pissed her off slightly. She was willing to cut the woman some slack because she was obviously going through something, but she didn’t appreciate being patronized by anyone, not even Stella. 

“Did I say I want to eat?” she couldn’t help herself but say when the waiter left to get the wine.

“Don’t you?” Stella challenged and Dana hated that she was in fact famished. She said nothing and the blonde gave her an ‘I thought so’ look that Scully ignored. 

The waiter came back with the wine, two glasses, and a menu. “You’re eating something too,” she told Stella who was about to object but Scully ordered two savory soufflés cutting her off. 

“Fine,” she mumbled and poured them both a glass holding it up to her. “To you.” Stella made a toast and Dana tried to ignore the way her stomach flipped, raising her glass to hers. “To whatever’s troubling you stopping” she deadpanned, feeling brave all of a sudden. 

Stella stared at her and Dana couldn’t decipher the look on her face as she looked away and took a long gulp. 

“How’s your eye?” Stella asked after a while, ignoring Dana’s prompt. “Hope I’m not keeping you from your friends tonight” she went on and Scully cursed internally. Today was Monday and she had completely forgotten to tell her friends that she wouldn’t be joining them at the bar. She was still too humiliated to go there even if she wasn’t having lunch with Stella. 

“It’s fine. Grateful for makeup.”

Stella searched her face but said nothing making Scully look away feel self-conscious.

The waiter came back with their food and Dana made a point of making sure Stella was going to eat it. She had a hunch that the older woman hadn’t had anything in a long while.  
She looked lost in thought again and Scully couldn’t bear the silence. 

“I know you don’t do this, but talking about it can’t hurt you any further and who knows maybe there’s something I can do to help.” 

Stella was taken aback but the sincerity she could hear in Dana’s voice and she smiled at her. A small, sad, resigned smile. “There’s not.” 

Dana pursed her lips together to stop herself from screaming in frustration. “Try me.”

“There’s nothing to be done now,” Stella said and Scully didn’t expect her to continue. But she did. “It’s my last case.” Stella started so quietly Dana had to lean closer to her to listen. “The murderer’s wife killed herself last night.” 

Scully frowned, knowing nothing of the case, yet seeing on Stella’s face how much this development pained her. 

“She had two children and recently miscarried on top of everything happening with her husband. Those poor children…” she trailed off, her eyes glazing over and Dana had never felt more useless in her life. She wanted to help her but instinctively knew that nothing she could do would help the older woman now. 

She reached over the table and took Stella's hand in both of hers holding it in place when she tried to pull away. All she could do now was be here with her and make sure she knew she wasn’t alone, no matter how much she fought her. 

“Tell me about it” she urged her and started rubbing small circles on the inside of Stella’s palm. With her free hand, the detective took another sip of her wine and after a minute of silence, she started talking. 

She took things from the beginning, speaking monotonously, void of emotion but at least she was talking. Scully could tell she was leaving out a lot of things but she puzzled together the main events and grew more horrified by the second. She had studied a lot of murder cases in the Academy and something told her she won’t be a stranger to them in the future but the horrific nature of crimes this Spector guy had committed, chilled her to the bone. 

By the time Stella finished talking, the wine was gone and Scully was almost as distraught as the detective appeared.

“I’m-" she started but words failed to embody the horror, disgust, and anger she felt.

“You are inspiring,” she settled for at last and Stella’s head snapped to her direction, withdrawing her hand.

“Inspiring?” she all but yelled incredulously and Scully heard the pianist stop playing for a second. 

“Let me finish!” Scully pleaded and Stella gripped the wine glass so tight Dana feared it was going to break in her hand. 

“To handle such a case, to handle this person in the way you did…not a lot of people could do that” she knew Stella wasn’t listening and nothing she would say now could explain what she meant. 

“You don’t get it” Stella laughed humorlessly, a cold, sinister sound that made Dana’s skin crawl. 

The next few minutes passed in agonizing silence before the blonde dug in her pocket to retrieve her room key, dropping it on the table. “You can get your things and leave the key to the concierge afterward,” she told her and stood up. Dana just stared at her unsure of what was happening, immobilized by the cruelty of the detective’s tone. 

Sensing that she might have gone overboard, the woman, looked into Scully’s eyes for a second and said: “thank you for dinner.” 

She then strode over to the bar where a guy in his early thirties was sitting and from the looks of it had been watching over the two women for a while. She saw Stella's lips moving and the guy looked momentarily baffled by whatever the blonde had told him, before nodding and jumping off the high stool. He threw a twenty next to his unfinished drink and put his hand to Stella's back, not quite touching her before the pair of them disappeared down the hallway and towards the elevator, leaving Scully gaping after them in shock. 

 

==

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my skin crawls when I feel like I'm writing Scully OOC and if you feel this too pls cut me some slack keeping in mind this is baby Scully, a year pre txf pilot and MAYBE, maybe she would do and say some of these things I make her do.  
> p.s. chapter thoughts?


	7. Chapter 7

Scully stayed frozen in place for ten minutes after Stella was gone, staring into space before she sprung to action. She threw the biggest note she found in the wad of cash in her wallet onto the table and all but run out of the dining area not waiting for her change. 

She didn’t want to cry in front of all these strangers. She didn’t want to cry period, but sometimes she found that her tear ducts were inconveniently woven with the limbic system of her brain responsible for the sea of emotions she felt right when she walked past the elevator and up the first flight of stairs. 

She had to keep moving or else she would break down and that was simply unacceptable. She tried reasoning with herself, telling her ego that this would have happened sooner or later and just because the older woman had allowed her to get a glimpse into her heart through a crack on the ancient old fort wall that she had spent years building around it, it didn’t mean she had any type of claim to it whatsoever.

An anger fused tear managed to escape as she turned the corner of the third floor, starting on the stairs of the next one. She wasn’t angry with Stella, she was furious with herself for getting into that car with her in the first place. She tried to ignore the little voice in her head that wondered in which of these rooms was Stella getting fucked by a complete stranger right now but she banished it as soon as she heard it and continued her ascend. 

She jammed the key in the lock with trembling hands and slid down the door as soon as she closed it behind her. She felt humiliated above everything else and just couldn’t get over Stella doing something so blunt right in front of her even though deep down she knew this wasn’t the first or last time the woman had done something like that. 

She wanted to her but she literally had no right to and if she was the feminist she claimed to be she shouldn’t have found anything wrong with that picture. To the contrary, the older woman’s resilience and power were to be envied. She got what she wanted and just because Dana wasn’t it, she couldn’t judge her.

The previously intoxicating smell of her in the room turned foul and Scully felt it close over her like moving walls. She had to get out of there and soon. Jumping up again she gathered her things and fled the room.  
The older lady at the lobby desk threw her a questioning look when she left the key for Stella but thankfully said nothing.

The night air outside was freezing but Dana welcomed it with open arms, inhaling the crisp smell of rain that turned into q shaped snowflakes the second it left the dark clouds’ sanctuary.  
She walked towards the highway, away from the hotel’s lights and let the snow form a thin white layer of frost over her hair and coat. It was so cold that it didn’t melt when it came in contact with her skin and Dana thought that it could cover her whole, making her disappear if she held perfectly still for an hour or two. 

She shook her head at the intrusive thought and opened her bag to look for her phone to call a cab, only to come up empty-handed. Panicking she squatted on the wet asphalt and rummaged through folders and forgotten granola bars, cursing out loud when she realized the pouch she used as a wallet was gone as well and as an aftermath remembered putting her phone in it when they went down for dinner. 

Scully stood up and threw back her head laughing like a crazy person. Her shoes were completely soaked through, her pantyhose did nothing to stop the cold air from biting at the bare legs as she realized she had no way or means to get back at her house. She laughed again because of course, this was happening to her right now. Murphy’s law had taken hold of her life, pushing her at her limits. “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong” she confirmed out loud and all 1.60 pitiful inches of her swayed dangerously as a strong gust of wind tore through her. 

She had two options and neither one of them was optimal. She could stay here and freeze to death or she could go back inside and get her wallet inevitably facing Stella again.  
Death didn’t seem so bad to her as she made her way back to the hotel and pass by the lobby woman who called out “Ma’am, ma’am can I help you?!” at her. This was her own version of the walk of shame and she didn’t even believe in its original context. She would have taken walking back to her house in last night’s clothes after a one night stand a million times over this pitiful, soaked walk back to the 8th floor. 

It had been more than an hour since Stella had left her in the dining hall and Dana instinctively knew she would be back by now. She didn’t look like the sleepover type. 

The doors of the hotel didn’t have peepholes and Dana had never been so grateful for such an overtsight as she stood in front of Stella’s dripping into the lush carpet. The snow was melting off from the hotel’s full blast heating, making her once straight hair curl around her face and neck. 

Her ego and pride were screaming at her to bolt, but she too heavy to move all of a sudden. It took her five minutes to raise her fist in resignation and bang on the door twice. 

Stella opened it almost immediately “I thought I told you not to- “she stopped talking the second she saw it was Dana in front of her instead of her most recent conquest. She still had the same clothes she had on earlier but for the jacket, her arms and chest a shade warmer than her usual skin tone, her hair slightly disheveled. 

She reeked of sex but perhaps that was just because Dana knew what she had been doing. Scully looked away from her flushed face, “I think I left my wallet here,” she justified her presence before Stella could make any assumptions about her. 

“Good gracious, you’re soaked” Stella stated the obvious and Dana shrugged. She was beginning to disassociate from her surroundings which sometimes happened when she had a lot on her plate and at this instant, her plate was fucking overflowing. 

“My wallet,” she said again and took a step forward making Stella step back into the room to avoid colliding with her. There is was again, the silly little dance they did whenever they were around each other. Always at arm’s length, never quite there. 

Scully’s suspicions were confirmed when she spotted the wallet behind the door from when she had sat there gathering herself not so long ago. She silently picked it up and went to leave without bothering the detective any further but Stella put a hand on the knob stopping her. 

“You can’t possibly go out like this, you’ll catch a cold,” The woman told her matter of factly and Dana’s clouded thoughts perceived the worried gesture as Stella’s attempt to have the last word. She was certain that the older woman couldn’t care less whether she lived or died and laughed humoursely. 

“I don’t care.” She told the woman who in turn frowned at her. 

“Well, I do” she deadpanned and Dana laughed again. She knew she looked crazier and crazier by the second but she didn’t care. 

“Do you?” Scully challenged now, not caring and reached for the door again. 

“Dana!” Stella raised her voice, forcing Scully to look at her and see the surprise and what might look like hurt in her countenance. Dana doubted she was capable of feeling the latter. 

They two of them stared at each other and for once Stella was the one to look away first. “Look, about before-”

“No need to explain yourself” Dana sneered.

“I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

“I’m a big girl,” Scully said ironically childishly. 

This time the hurt was distinct in the other woman’s face, who gave her a small tight-lipped smile ”I can see that.” 

“Then do something about it” Dana whispered and all of a sudden she let go of her bag and didn’t wait for Stella to take her up on it before raising her hands to cup the surprised woman’s cheeks and press her cold lips to Stella’s blazing hot ones. 

Her force knocked the detective to the wall behind her and the shock of the impact along with the action itself made them break apart, giving Dana a chance to realize what she had just done. 

Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open ready to apologize but it only took a second for Stella to retaliate and meet Dana’s open lips with her own again. 

Scully’s heart beat violently, her eyes closing when her lips came together trapping Stella’s bottom one between them. 

She was literally gasping in the older woman’s mouth and Stella brought her hands to Dana’s neck making sure she didn’t pull away. 

It was awkward at first. Dana feared she had forgotten how to kiss. The sensation was unlike anything else she had ever experienced. There wasn’t any harshness, nor cheapness, no mustache, no stubble pocking at her, only softness. 

Stella’s lips were so soft, so very soft pressing motionlessly against hers and Dana remembered how to move hers again. She released her bottom lips and tilted her head slightly to avoid their noses knocking together before pressing back on her fully covering them fully with hers, a perfect match if she’d ever seen one. 

Stella took over then, indulging Dana for far too long already and the latter willingly gave up control, letting the older woman take off her coat and press her back against the door. 

The blonde cupped Dana’s cold cheeks that came to life under her touch, before bringing her lips back to Scully’s more urgent than before. Their teeth clung but neither of them cared, repeating the motion over and over until Scully’s lips were as hot as Stella’s. The DSI took the opportunity to part hers open, forcing Dana’s mouth to follow their movement. Stella didn’t ask for permission before sticking her tongue in Dana’s mouth who moaned audibly at the feeling bringing her hands up, waving them in Stella’s hair. She could feel that the woman was about to protest that so she pulled her closer, their joined mouths opening wider as a result and Dana’s tongue sprung in life battling with Stella’s, testing, tasting, devouring her. 

She tasted unlike any other man she had ever kissed and she wished she never stopped. The wine was still there, faintly, but mostly it was just her. Sweet and sour, her tongue as soft as her lips that now licked Dana’s fuller bottom one before biting down on it making her gasp, giving Stella the opportunity to deepen the kiss again.

Scully worried she was doing something wrong, the very novelty of it making her self-conscious but Stella was now breathing almost as hard as she was and at the end of the day it didn’t matter that she was a she. In fact, Dana had never been kissed like that. It had less to do with the fact it was with a woman, and everything to do with the fact it was with Stella fucking Gibson. 

That thought made her stop and push not so gently on Stella’s shoulders, unlocking their lips. Stella’s chest was rising and falling rapidly, her tank top exposing her flushed chest and the top of her lacy bra which momentarily distracted Dana who was on the verge of hyperventilating. 

It had dawned on her what she was doing all of a sudden and the voice of logic screaming at her in her head couldn’t be ignored. 

“I can’t do this” she whispered and was glad the door was against her back because her knees were trembling. She felt guilty and ashamed that she had given in to her urges so freely. Jack’s face appeared in her mind and she almost cried at the implication. Dana Scully had never cheated on anyone until now and the mere thought of it disgusted her. 

“Dana-"

“That man,” Scully cut her off, “I can still taste him on you.” She lied venomously and the other woman flinched. She knew that was a low blow. Uncalled for even, but Dana was so lost she wanted to take Stella down with her. 

The shame she felt was so overwhelming that she had to place the blame on the woman who made her quite literally lose her mind and become something she’d promise herself never to be. 

“That’s bullshit,” Stella replied after the initial shock of the accusation and Dana wanted to disappear. She had seen through her like an x-ray machine and Scully couldn’t even deny it. 

Stella closed the distance between them again and spoke quite literally on Dana’s lips, brushing them with each warning word.  
“I know you have a lot of shit to take care of, but that’s on you. You came here, you decided that, hell, you kissed me. If you don’t want this it’s fine, but if I were you I’d drop this charade and own up to what I really want.” 

She kissed her forcefully for the shortest of seconds before pulling back and turning her back to her. 

“I’m not going to vex or beg you into anything. And I’m certainly too old for these kinds of games. If you want it, you’ll know.” She disappeared into the bathroom and Dana knew it was for her benefit, giving her the chance to leave with whatever dignity she had left. 

Silently she gathered her things off the floorand slipped out of the room, letting the door close behind her as she heard Stella say one last time “If you do, you know where to find me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?????????


	8. Chapter 8

She could go home. She could forget about all of this and move on with her life. She could, she should but doesn’t. 

She gives the cabby Jack’s home address and closes her eyes in the back of the worn leather seats, trying to get her breathing under control. She doesn’t dare think about Stella, what she said and that kiss. Her mind, however, automatically conjures the image of the older woman pinning her against the door and she shudders. 

Fifteen minutes later she’s standing in front of Jack’s building, freezing in the snow-covered night once again. It’s late, she doesn’t even know if he’ll be here but she has to see him, won’t be able to live with herself if she doesn’t. 

He answers the buzzer almost immediately and it takes her a second to find her voice to tell him who it is. When he opens the door he has a mischievous glint in his eye. He has completely misunderstood the purpose of her visit this late in the night, which only makes what she has to tell him harder. 

His smirk turns into a frown when she sees her disheveled appearance and the way her jaw clenches. 

“Dana, what’s wrong? Come on in,” he ushers her to the couch and she sits stiffly on the very edge like the first time you visit a new friend’s house and aren’t comfortable to act like yourself. 

She thought about the many times she had been naked on this very couch and almost laughs at the turns of events. 

“I need to talk to you” she states the obvious, prolonging the inevitable and Jack gives her time. 

“I kissed someone” she blurts, getting straight to the point. They never had the talk but it was pretty clear they were exclusive and this just wasn’t fair to him. 

“What now?” he stood up and unceremoniously poured himself two pinches of whiskey from the bar cart. “Who was it? Why?”

“It doesn’t matter who it was” although it did, it was all that mattered. “The thing is it did and I am sorry.”

“Well, hell Dana, what am I supposed to do with that?” he emptied the glass and poured himself another one. “Was it Miller?”

“Ben? No, no” of course he would think that. She had always gotten shit for having male friends that are just that, the concept unspeakable to some even now.

Scully had a sick feeling that if she told Jack whom she had kissed they would be having a very different type of conversation right now. In fact, she was sure that it wouldn’t have mattered to him at all, and would elicit talk of more bodies on a bed than it was designed for. If she was someone else she could have played that card, and won. ‘Women don’t count.’ And from the way Jack and everyone else to that matter were reacting to Stella, Scully was sure to get special treatment for her ‘achievements’. The mere thought made her sick. 

“Then who? And why?” he repeated again getting frustrated but Scully had no real plan or thought out what she was supposed to do after telling him.   
“It doesn’t matter who it was, I can't take it back and I-".

Jack looked down at her, daring her to finish the sentence. And she did;  
“And I don’t want to.” There it was, the truth, at last. Shying away from it wouldn’t change the reality of things and Dana didn’t feel like running anymore. 

“I thought we were doing good.”

She stood up and hugged him from behind, “We were. I’m sorry that I had to happen this way, but you can’t control the way things are going to go no matter how much you try.”

“So this is it?” he turned and cupped her cheeks which only reminded of another pair of softer, smaller hands on them and that was an answer on itself. 

“I think so. You have been wonderful these past few months, and I’ll always care about you” she said and meant it, raising on her tiptoes to give him a kiss shy off his lips but he pulled her in and deepened it. She let him and momentarily wondered if she was doing the right thing. He must have felt the hesitation and asked her if she was sure. 

She wasn’t. Was it worth ending something good and familiar for… she didn’t even know what for. 

“I’m sure” she smiled small up to him and with a lingering look told him she’ll see him around and fled his apartment as quickly as she had come in. They would inevitably see each other at the Academy and Dana prayed she wouldn’t hold this against her and resent her for the rest of the year. 

\--

The week passed and somehow Scully had avoided complicating her life even further. With Jack out of the picture, she should have the clear to do whatever she wanted. Yet her phone had remained hooked and she hadn’t strayed further than her lab and classes on the lower floor of the Academy. 

She didn’t know what her next step into this lunacy of a situation was supposed to be or how to take it. Stella had said that Scully knew where to find her, but Dana wasn’t under any impression she was going to wait for her in the meantime. The annoying voice in her head also known as logic had been persistent in reminding her, that she had thrown her stable relationship away for one night. 

The thought alone was terrifying, hence all the staling. Stella didn’t pin her for the relationship type nor was that what Dana needed right now, she just knew she had to see her.   
Sighing, she made her way to Jane’s apartment and was greeted by Meg who was chewing on red licorice and waved her in. 

“Da..na” she spoke through a mouthful and waved her on to the couch where Jane was already under a duvet, one hand buried deep into a bag of Cheetos. They did this once a month on a Friday just the three of them, unwinding, binge eating shitty food and catching up with each other without the teasing ear of the guys’ input. 

“Hey, take a seat and pick your poison” Jane gestured at the assortment of junk food on the table and Dana winced at the copious amounts of it. She took off her coat and planted herself on the empty love chair next to Meg who was still chewing on the licorice and laughing at whatever was on tv. 

“You know that stuff can literally kill you, right?” Dana pointed at them and Meg scoffed. 

“Relax Doc, that’s black licorice, the red one is harmless” she smiled toothly at her and Scully shook her head in resignation but picked up a freshly thawed Ben and Jerry’s tube from the table herself. 

“That’s more like it Doc” Meg approved and Dana dag in. 

“It’s a spoon straight to the tube kind of day” she shrugged and Jane turned to look at her. 

“I knew it. Spill.” Jane pointed an orange stained finger at her and Dana rolled her eyes.

“Jack and I broke up.” Another spoonful of vanilla fudge. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry what happened?”

Dana had thought long and hard about this all week. What was she supposed to say to her friends? Should she let them in on what was going on or was it too risky for too many reasons?

It felt incredibly lonely, not being able to share, take advice but not foreign. Scully had always ‘toughed it out’ by herself, never asking for help, going through everything alone, not wanting to lose face, even in front of her family and friends. 

“It just wasn’t working out” she lied, at last, choosing the lonely, albeit, safest road. 

“How did he take it?” Jane asked but she could feel Meg’s eyes boring into her side profile. She had stopped chewing.

“Better than I expected. He was very gracious about it, which only makes me think he wasn’t all that into it, or me, in the first place” she said truthfully this time.

“That’s buttcrap and you know it” she got the orange finger again. 

“Did you just say buttcrap?” 

Jane ignored her and fished another Cheeto from the bag before continuing. “I don’t think you realize the extent of the effect you have on men. Jack was smitten out of his big boy pants by you and so is everyone else you encounter on a daily basis.”

Dana frowned, taken aback by the sincerity in her friend’s voice. Of course, she knew she was above the typical average example of her sex, but that was mainly because of her academic achievements and current occupation. Sure she was attractive, in that baby face, kind of way but beyond that she wouldn’t go as far as having smitting anyone. 

Jane rolled her eyes at her “The fact you’re not aware of it is infuriating, like how do the rest of us stand any chance with women like you around?”

“Hey, speak for yourself, I’m a success story” Meg threw her candy at her but you could tell she was joking. 

“First of all, stop. That’s absurd. This isn’t a competition, what’s wrong with you, and you certainly don’t want to be in my shoes right now.”

“Why?” Meg deadpanned, still staring at Scully like she knew there was more to it that she was letting on. 

Maybe she could kill to birds with one stone. She mouthed ‘later’ at her when Jane wasn’t looking and changed the subject. 

\--

Jane was always the first to get tired so it came as no surprise when she announced she was going to sleep a minute after midnight. “Stay, don’t stay, my couch and fridge are always open for you two. Dana don’t let her have more candy, she’s already way too hyper for my mental well being.”

“Goodnight granny” Meg yelled at her which earned her the finger and Dana rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time at these children she called best friends. 

They waited until Jane’s bedroom was shut and they could hear the faint snoring before Meg turned to her expectedly. How was she even supposed to bridge the subject without blowing her cover?

“When did you first know about yourself?” 

Meg who clearly didn’t expect this kind of question threw her an incredulous look. “Uhm, you just know. When other girls my age were head over heels about a different guy every other week when we were teenagers and I couldn’t care less, I thought there was something wrong with me.” She paused, clearly reliving the trauma and Dana felt bad for bringing it up. 

“But then I met Stephanie and I wanted to be with her, near her all the time and something clicked. When she kissed me for the first time I knew it was a done deal.” She smiled at the though and Scully found herself relating to that last part more than she should. 

“Why are you asking?” Meg narrowed her eyes at her.

“Dunno was thinking about something.”

“Dana Scully are you coming on to me?” she joked and Scully threw a pillow at her. 

“And how did you know what to do when…” she trailed off, unable to even say it.

“When…?”

Scully looked at her pointedly hoping she’d get where she was going with this and Meg’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline when she did. 

“You just do. It’s not any different than what you do, there’s no science behind it. If you like the person you just know.”

Dana tried not to sigh in disappointment. She wanted more than that, she felt grossly underprepared and out of her depth in this situation. 

“Hey Dana?” she must have seen her spiraling and brought her back to reality. 

“What?”

“You’ll just know.” She smiled encouragingly at her, knowing not to pry any further but giving her the exact ammunition she wanted. 

Dana smiled back and something in her shifted. “I have to go” she jumped off the couch and Meg just nodded in understanding. 

This was insane, she was insane. It was after midnight on a Friday. She doubted she was even gonna be in her hotel but didn’t have the guts to actually call and check. What if she turned Dana down straight up? She couldn’t risk that as she jumped into her car and twenty minutes later she was pulling into her hotel’s parking lot.

This was a gamble, but maybe she would catch her at the bar if she wasn’t…preoccupied at the moment. 

She passed by the lobby to head into the dining area but a familiar voiced called at her, “It’s you again.”

She turned and saw the older woman from last week, surprised that she remembered her. She must have made quite an impression at her pitiful state, she thought as she approached the older woman. 

“Hello”

“May I help you with something?”

“I’m, I was wondering if one of your resident guests, Stella Gibson, was in tonight.”

The woman’s eyebrow shot up in surprise, but something told Dana she knew exactly for whom Scully was here for. 

“I’m sorry I can’t give you that kind of information.”

Dana’s stomach fell but and but she nodded in understanding thanking the woman and turning to leave. 

“You should try the pool, though.” The lobbyist said with a coy smile very quietly and Dana gave her the most grateful look she could master.

She followed the signs leading to the indoor pool and wondered what on earth Stella could be doing in there this early. 

She found the doors leading into it easily and paused in front of them, nervous to death all of a sudden. “You’ll just know” she repeated Meg’s words to herself and slid it quietly.

At first, she thought that no one was here, the place empty, barely lit and dead quiet. But then she saw her, at the opposite end of the pool, her small frame immersed in the chlorinated water up to her breasts, facing away from her. 

She didn’t want to startle her so she made sure she stomped her feet as she made her way around the pool coming to stand directly in front of her. 

The older woman was still breathing heavily from doing laps, but she had taken off her cup and glasses, her hair pulled back into a ponytail. Even now, panting and makeup-free, she was stunning and Dana gulped before saying hi. 

Stella startled visibly and brought her hand to her ears taking off her earplugs. 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Stella looked up at her saying nothing for a moment, before pushing on the tiles, getting out and sitting at the edge, her legs still inside the pool. “You didn’t.” 

This new position made it impossible for Dana to look at her so she walked a bit to the side so she was facing her, trying not to stare at the way her black one-piece clung to her breasts and highlighted the muscles on her arms and back. 

“The woman in the lobby said you might be in here.”

“Lily, yes. She lets me swim whenever I want in exchange for a box of Walkers Shortbread.”

Dana had no idea what that was but smiled nonetheless at the thought of someone succumbing to Stella’s charms yet again. 

“What are you doing here Dana?”

“I wanted to see you.” She replied simply and held the woman’s gaze. 

“I still have a few laps to do.” 

Dana tried not to grimace, getting impatient now. “I can wait.” 

Stella sensed the annoyance in her voice and the side of her lips rose upwards. “Why don’t you join me?”

“Oh no, I couldn’t possibly.”

“Come on there’s no one else in here.”

“No, I mean that literally. I can’t swim.” She admitted embarrassed and looked at her feet. This has actually been a huge insecurity of hers and it was downright ridiculous with her father and brother being Navy men. 

“Really?” Stella sounded genuinely surprised and Dana rushed to explain herself. 

“My father was a captain in the US Navy, so when I was little I accidentally fell off a boat during one of his ceremonies and almost drowned. I’ve been avoiding the water ever since.” She couldn’t believe she had just told her that, hating to sound like a traumatized weakling. 

But Stella was looking up at her with understanding. She swung her legs out of the pool and got up, walking past Dana. Scully watched her walk to the doors she had come in from and lock them from the inside. 

She then came back to stand in front of Dana; “Let’s change that.”

Dana paled at the implication and scrambled to find an excuse. “I don’t have a bathing suit.”

“So?” Stella challenged, “I’m sure you have on underwear.”

Dana could feel the heat rising to her cheeks but she wasn’t one to shy away from a challenge. 

“Alright.” She sighed in defeat a moment later and Stella squeezed her forearm. She walked to the metallic stairs leading in the pool and sat down on the first step, looking away from Dana, giving her some, pointless, privacy as she started taking off the many layers of clothing she had on. 

To Scully’s good fortune, she had on a matching pair of black simple cotton underwear that from a distance could even pass as a bikini. 

“Uhm” she made a sound to alert the older woman that she was done and shivered at the cold air bitting at her bare skin. 

Stella turned to look at her and Dana didn’t miss the way the detective’s eyes scanned her body thoroughly in appreciation before coming to rest on her now beat red face. 

“Come here, we’ll take this slow” Stella promised and Dana wondered if this applied to more than just their current predicament. 

She reluctantly put her hands on both sides of the metal stairs and let her toes submerge to the water. 

“It’s hot” she exclaimed in childlike awe, expecting the water to be freezing cold for some reason. 

“Yes indeed,” Stella replied without missing a beat, looking up at her from inside the pool. 

Another wave of heat rushed to her face and chest at the implication and she was seconds from just jumping directly into the water, to end her flustered misery. 

“Get in, there’s a stepping tile where you can reach”

Dana was gripping the ladder so hard her knuckles turned white as she submerged herself into the water and sighed in relief when her feet found the promised tile just as her breasts were about to go underwater. 

Stella let go of the floating line and came to stand next to her on the tile putting her hand in the middle of her upper back. Dana could feel her heartbeat in her ears, creating from both the touch and the fact she was quite terrified. Stella sensed her squirming under her palm and leaned closer to whisper to her ear, “Do you trust me?”

Dana nodded because for some inexplicable reason she trusted this woman with her life, which might come in handy at this moment. 

She nodded and Stella breathed “good” in her neck, which wasn’t very helpful at the moment but distracting enough to not immediately notice that the older woman was pulling her away from the tile’s safety. 

“Stella!” 

“Hold on to the float line and let your legs come up, so you can float on your back. I’m right here, you’ll be okay.”

Trying not to panic, she did as she was told and to her surprise, her small body floated easily to the surface making her smile at the tiny triumph. 

She could see Stella telling her something from her peripheral vision but her ears were into the water and she couldn’t make out what it was until she felt the woman’s hands circling her body and coming to rest under the elastic of the bra on her back. 

She was taken so aback by her proximity and the way her hands felt on her skin that her head went underwater and she swallowed some water, which made her panic and lose control of her limbs, kicking and clawing at whatever she could find to bring herself to the surface. 

Before she had the chance to freak out completely, Stella pulled her out easily and dragged her to the edge, making sure her feet found that tile again, so she could stand. 

Scully coughed, the chlorine burning her throat, making her eyes water as she clung to the floating line for dear life, gasping for air. 

“..ana, Dana” she realized that Stella had been calling her name for a while and turned to look at her staring back with concern and what looked like guilt on her pretty face. 

“Are you okay?” she asked urgently and Dana nodded, smiling at her to convey that she was in fact fine. 

“I floated for a second there,” she said proudly as soon as she could breathe normally again and Stella stared incredulously at her. 

“You’re insane” the older woman breathed. “I thought I would have to administer mouth to mouth.”

Scully’s smile dropped and she turned to look at her again, only now realizing their proximity. 

Stella was looking back at her, both their chest rising and falling in and out of the water in synch. 

“I think you might have to” Scully breathed and Stella was on her, her lips coming to find hers and Dana forgot all about her fear of water as the blonde pulled her close to her, their bodies touching fully from head to toe with little to nothing in between them.

Dana’s legs wrapped around the woman’s waist making them break the kiss so that Stella could hold on to the ladder making them both float in place, before reaching in again and taking her lips between hers.

Stella tasted like chlorine at first but after a few seconds of licking and sucking ceremoniously, she could taste just her again, the sensation so overwhelming that Dana’s tongue darted out forcing her way to Stella’s mouth who moaned and mimicked the gesture immediately, her free hand coming to rest under Dana’s butt, to hold her in place more than anything but Scully’s response was so immediate that it echoed around the hollow empty space of the pool. 

They broke apart again because Dana was breathing so hard she was threatening to slip back underwater and Stella was struggling to keep her above it. 

“Darling, you got to calm down, or we’ll both drown.” The blonde breathed in her lips not quite touching them which drove Scully insane, along with the use of the pet name that she would have hated coming out of anyone else’s lips. 

“This isn’t helping” she admitted and pressed her lips to Stella’s again, softly at first, desperate a moment later. She tilted her head to have better access to her mouth and their tongues found each other again, hot and needy, battling so urgently, their lips were opening wider to let them, tasting the skin around each other’s mouths in the process, mapping their territory. 

If anyone was looking, the sight would have been animalistic, both women fighting for dominance, devouring each other quite literally. 

But no one was looking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your lovely comments on the last chapter yall make my day so I wanted to make it up to you. I appreciate all the constructive criticism or feedback I can get especially because English isn't my first language and I constantly feel like yall can tell. Tell me what you thought of this one!


	9. Chapter 9

This had been a terrible idea. Scully was tip-toying behind Stella, holding her clothes and shoes awkwardly away from her body in an attempt to not get them wet. She was dripping onto the slippery tiles around the pool and lost her balance once or twice when her focus was drawn on the detective’s slender form and swaying hips, as she led them to the showers. 

They had stayed in the pool until Dana’s unaccustomed fingers had started pruning and her lips turned into a suspicious hue of blue, although that might have more to do with what she was doing with them than the actual cold. 

“I only have one clean towel so you can go ahead and shower first” Stella told her when they reached the locker room and she glided the lock over 796 to unlock hers and retrieve the said towel along with a small basket of shower stuff. 

“Oh no no, you go ahead” Dana declined immediately and dumped her clothes on the bench sitting down on the very edge of it, trying not to think about the possible fungus lurking on the floor. 

“Don’t be absurd” Stella told her and Dana couldn’t even imagine this same woman was calling her darling not so long ago. She felt like whatever she did and said was the wrong thing and she was getting fed up with it. 

“Meet me in the middle then” Scully stood up and took Stella’s free hand pulling her towards the shower stalls and walking both of them straight into one, closing the little modesty door behind them. She took the towel from her, hanging it on the nail on the back of the door and was glad her hand wasn’t trembling like the rest of her. 

Stella was looking at her somewhat amused and before she could lose her nerve turned on the tap, adjusting the water, shy off giving them 1st-degree burns. The shower spray came down between them and the steam was so thick it obscured the view of the blonde completely until she felt her hands on her shoulder pulling her under it.

They were so petite, that standing flush to one another like that they were both completely under the sizzling water. They stood there for a minute, not moving, nor talking, getting used to the temperature and Dana thought this was the most intimate she had ever been with another human being.

“Hi” Scully breathed at Stella who was examining her face in deep concentration which was unnerving. She knew she looked a mess. She had forgotten she had light makeup on when she jumped into the pool. Her mascara was smudged under her eyes and the concealer covering her bruised eye had washed away living her yellowish skin exposed.   
Stella must have been noticing the same thing because she raised her hand to Dana’s face and traced the outline of the healing bruise, so lightly Scully barely felt it. Her expression was unreadable and Dana was sure her mind was miles away, to another time, another bruised face, another person perhaps. 

She cleared her throat and stepped away from her, retrieving the shampoo bottle from the basket and squeezing out some on her hand, before passing it to Stella. She wasn’t under any impression they would be washing each other’s hair and skipping into the sunset together afterward. 

There was no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow, she thought bitterly but let the strong scent of jasmine invade her senses as she massaged the shampoo into her scalp. It was so distinctively and intoxicatingly hers that Scully knew she wouldn’t be able to look or smell the purple flower ever again without thinking about the woman in front of her. 

Stella was moving her palms against one another working the shampoo between them but making no move of bringing them to her head. Her eyes were glazed over and Dana knew from personal experience that a bomb could go off in the next shower stall and the blonde wouldn’t even blink. 

Scully rinsed her hair and cautiously reached for the older woman’s hair, slowly tagging on the elastic of her ponytail until it came off, letting her blonde locks fall around her face. The weight of the water straightened her otherwise perky curls that fell halfway down her chest, making her look a decade younger.

“You’re so beautiful” Dana marveled, no point now, hiding the extreme attraction she harbored for the woman. Her words seemed to shake Stella out of the spell she was under, and she gave Scully a small smile as she finally raised her hands to her hair, “it’s just a face.”

Scully swallowed the cliché ‘there’s nothing ‘just’ about you’ that forcibly babbled in her mouth and moved on to conditioning her hair in silence. 

What happened next would follow her to the grave and well into the afterlife if one believed in such a thing, and from where Scully was standing right now, she did. 

Stella brought her hands to her shoulders and unceremoniously slid off the straps of her one piece, pulling it down quickly and practically but Dana felt like she got the hottest ticket in town for a strip show. 

The blonde let the swimsuit fall around her ankles once it was past her thighs and she quickly stepped out of it bending down to pick it up and rinse it, all the while Dana was trying, and failing, to not panic. 

All of a sudden her toes were extremely interesting and she didn’t dare look up at Stella’s full breasts or the dips her abs created on her flat stomach, or her prominent hip bones or-

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” Stella said and Scully really slipped this time, trying to hold on to the actual water at first, and then grab onto Stella when that obviously failed. 

The latter chuckled as she steadied Dana who was now openly staring at the woman’s breasts and experiencing a strong case of not knowing whether she wanted to be her, or on top of her. 

“Dana,” Stella put her index finger under Scully’s jaw pushing her face up so she was forced to look at her and Dana gulped at the impatience she found there.

This was all new and exciting to her but clearly not Stella’s first rodeo. 

“There will be time for that later, let’s just finish here before my skin melts off,” she made a point of gesturing at her reddening chest as if Dana had been able to look anywhere but there. 

She nodded nonetheless trying not to dwell on the first part of what she’d said and passed her the red loofah she found in the basket, squeezing body gel on it while Stella held it.

It was then, standing that close to her that she noticed the healing bruises that covered a huge expanse of skin over her ribs and stomach. If she wasn’t a medical doctor, she might not have noticed them but now it was all she could see. Stella’s eyes followed hers and her gaze immediately hardened, conveying to her loud and clear that she didn’t get to ask about them.

Her medical opinion told her she had recently broken a few ribs from the position of the darker splotches of skin and suffered a hard blow on her lower abdomen. Her blood ran cold at the thought of someone doing this to her, but she tried to fight the thought and pretend she didn’t notice anything for both hers and Stella’s sake.

Instead, she watched her lather her skin and scrub off the chlorine from every nook and cranny of her body, while she felt her heartbeat a lot more south than usual. 

The detective caught her starring and raised an eyebrow, “what are you waiting for? There’s an unopened bar of soap in there, use it.” 

Scully who was desperate to do something with her hands took her up on it gratefully and started rubbing on her skin as well. She knew showering with her underwear on was ridiculous and she was getting significantly more uncomfortable standing there semi-clothed while Stella was wearing nothing but her birthday suit. It felt like she was leering at the blonde from a standpoint of comfort and all of a sudden she wanted to even the score. 

Without looking at her, she unclasped her bra and slipped out of her panties, thankful that the water had washed off most of the evidence of the effect Stella had on her body.

She continued lathering her body, avoiding the areas she wanted to touch the most and didn’t even notice when Stella turned off the water and stood staring at her. 

“You certainly were holding back to me, Agent Scully.” She observed making Dana startle and drop the soap, cursing out loud. 

“Stop doing that” she mumbled and bent down to pick it up, hiding the flush that rushed to her face in the process. 

She knew she had a nice body despite her height. Field training and her general healthy lifestyle had done wonders for her frame but she was still soft around the edges, the baby fat on her face, a prime example of that. 

The only thing she had on the woman standing glistening in front of her was time, a couple of things fighting gravity better than the detective’s counterparts. Two things, to be exact. 

“I’m not done,” she said defiantly and turned on the water again to rinse herself, pretending her knees weren’t shaking under Stella’s watchful eye roaming up and down her body.   
By the time she was done, she was sure they had done significant damage to the hotel’s water bill, while stepped out of the shower stall where Stella was patting herself dry, a smaller towel draped around her hair in that intricate way women seem to know how to achieve from birth.

“Here,” she unwrapped the towel from her body and handed it to Dana who dumbfounded watched her parade back to the locker room butt naked. 

The sight was almost too much and by the time she managed to dry off and follow her she was already dressed in black matching sweats that looked more professional on her than Dana’s actual pantsuits did. 

She hurried to get dressed as well, wincing at the thought she had to go without underwear and Stella must have read her mind because she waved at the general area of her crotch and said, “I can help you with that.” 

If it wasn’t rounding 3 am and Dana was a little bolder, she would have come up with a slyer response than a grateful smile. 

She followed Stella back to her room, marveling at how fast things changed in just under a week but more terrified at the possibilities than ever. 

The detective ushered her in and told her to wait a second before reappearing with a pair of lacy black panties in hand. Dana didn’t think it was possible to blush any further but her reflection in the mirror as she took the underwear from Stella without a word and disappeared into the bathroom told her otherwise. 

She knew she was being ridiculous, being naked at arm’s length of each other not minutes ago, yet the thought of putting on the older woman’s lingerie was too much. 

She found the hair dryer on the counter and helped herself to it thinking they were past the point of asking. She blow-dried the auburn mess into submission and cleaned any leftover makeup from her face before reentering the room. 

“You know if we keep this up, you won’t have any clothes left.” She told the blonde referring to the underwear and blouse. 

Stella, who was sitting on a chair looking out the window absentmindedly, turned to her raising that damn eyebrow, making Scully curse at her choice of words. Of course ‘this’ wasn’t going to be occurring again. Realistically, she only had limited time left with her.

“I meant that the-"

“I know what you meant.” Stella cut off her babbling and walked passed her and into the bathroom, starting on the dryer as well.

Scully tried not to take her sudden change of mood personally, getting accustomed to the no-nonsense behavior Stella frequently used around her. She had the same policy as well, regardless of the fact she hadn’t applied it in her life since a certain blonde literally flew into it. 

She didn’t know what the next step was for them but she was quite certain they wouldn’t take it tonight. “It’s late, I’m gonna go.” She shouted once she heard the hair-dryer turn off.

Stella walked out soon after and checked the watch on the wall indicating it was 10 past 3 am. Scully didn’t remember the last time she had stayed out this late and thought this could only go two ways. One the blonde could ask her to stay and whatever that included or two they would, hopefully, take a rain check.

What Stella said instead was “I’m starving”.

Dana furrowed her brows but couldn’t help but admit she was as well, the pool shenanigans had worked up an appetite. For more than one things. 

“It’s not healthy to eat this late.” She slipped off into doctor mode and watched Stella put on a jacket. 

“Does that mean you won’t be joining me?”

“No it doesn’t,” she said and came to stand next to the brit before whispering “I’m only human after all” into her ear.

They took both their respective cars this time, and Dana instructed Stella to follow her to the only place she knew it was open at this hour.The neon sign on the highway greeted them 20 minutes later and Scully signaled Stella to turn into the empty parking lot of a dingy looking establishment that had the best pizza in VA. 

“I don’t indulge often, but when I do, this is the place to do it” she told Stella when she was within earshot and they pushed their way into the pizzeria, the smell of freshly baked dough, making her taste buds salivate. 

“Do you like pizza?” it suddenly occurred to Scully she hadn’t even asked her and was now significantly worried since she’d only ever seen her eat gourmet.

The detective crossed her eyes over her chest and neared the self-service counter, her eyes scanning over the oversized printed menu on the wall,” I am only human after all,” she threw her words back at her.

“Doubt it” Scully murmured and felt Stella’s eyes on her but thankfully the guy working the night shift appeared from the back at that very second. 

“Ladies” he nodded at them, doing a double take over Stella who was still looking at Scully and didn’t even acknowledge his presence, “what can I get you?”

“Hello, I’ll have the small Neapolitan for one.”

“I’ll have the same.” Stella followed her and got two cokes for them as well from the nearby fridge. They paid and sat down waiting to be called. The silence that fell between them was charged with unsaid things and unspoken questions. Stella was watching her, examining her face again and Dana wondered what could possibly be so fascinating about her. She wasn’t an open book and rarely shared anything personal involuntary but she would if it was her asking. 

But she didn’t and Scully thought that perhaps she didn’t want to in the first place.

She stared back at her and when the older woman ran a hand through her hair, revealing her neck, Dana’s eyes widened the size of a flying saucer. 

“What is it?” Stella inquired and Scully was too anxious to point out the purple hickey in the shape of her lips on the woman’s neck. She didn’t even remember making it, her administrations in the pool blending into one another hazily. 

“Uh, your neck… I’m sorry I didn’t even realize I gave you one.” If she was sure of one thing, it was that the detective was not going to be marked or tied down to anyone. Territorial love bites, even if she didn’t mean them as such, were antics that belonged strictly to adolescence, or shared intimately between couples and the two women were neither. 

Stella’s hands rose to her neck under her ear and brushed over the exact shape of the darkened skin, not taking Scully out of her sight. She knew about it. 

“Why?” she asked and Dana thought she meant why had she made it, but then it clicked that the blonde was asking her why she was sorry, clearly implying she wasn’t.

She was saved by the bell, or rather the pizza when the worker called them over to get their orders and they dug in, inhaling the Italian delicacy in silence. Dana had miscalculated how famished she was and by the time Stella was picking up her last slice she was already done with hers and watching the other woman make a mess of herself. It thrilled Dana, for some reason, to see her eat as sloppily as anyone, getting tomato sauce on her chin. She had thrown her newly washed hair in a low pony at the back of her neck and a few strands had escaped framing her bare face. The neon fluorescents over their booth were exaggerating the blue of her eyes and the person in front of her was far from the “ball busting DSI” she had heard someone in her class call her.

She instinctively leaned in and run her thumb over the woman’s chin, scooping the sauce residue and bringing it back to her mouth. She froze when she realized what she did, the time and fatigue affecting her actions and slowing her motor functions. 

She avoided looking at her and started playing with the tin lid of her coke. She and her sister Melissa used to play this game of moving the lid back and forth while going over the alphabet and the letter the lid broke on was going to be their future husband’s first name initial. 

The lid broke on the seventh try and Dana startled when Stella asked, “what letter did you land on?” She was incredulously surprised the brit knew of the silly little game and even more surprised she had realized what she was doing.

“F” Dana admitted embarrassed that she was caught playing such a game.

“Lucky guy” Stella mused and to her surprise, Scully didn’t see the slightest hint of irony on her face. 

“How do you know it’s going to be a guy?” she deadpanned and Stella just gave her a small smile that conveyed ‘oh come on now’ more clearly than saying the actual words would have, which pissed Dana off for whatever reason. 

“Are you done?” she changed the subject and Stella finished her coke standing up. They bid the guy goodnight, or rather a good morning since it was rounding 5 am, and headed back into the frigid night air, the clear sky starting to light up faintly with the colors of dawn and Scully threw her head back, looking up at it. 

“You were right” Stella brought her back to earth as they headed towards the detective’s rental and leaned back against it like they had done all those weeks ago the first time they met. 

“I always am, but what about in particular?”

Stella huffed at her response and her hot breath was visible against the frozen air, making her look like she was smoking. Scully detested smokers but the thought of the blonde with a cigarette between her lips elicited an immediate response to the lower regions of her body. 

“That was one of the best pizzas I've ever had” Stella admitted and Dana beamed at her, the fatigue lowering her inhibitions, imitation a drunken state. 

“I had to pay you back for the swimming lesson.”

“Dana you almost drowned. Again.” Stella reminded her and Scully shrugged. 

“I’m pretty certain you’re a better teacher on other fields” she pushed away from the car beside the detective and came to stand in front of her. 

“Oh?” Stella challenged and Dana leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her lips, tasting the salty residue of the pizza on them.

“Yes, your leadership class is quite efficient.” She teased, imagining following a completely different set of instructions by her that required significantly less clothing. 

“Is that so?” Stella joked back and with a swift motion turned them around so that Dana was the one pressed against the car door this time.

Scully gasped but let the older woman pin her arms on each side of her body on the dusty car window with hers. “Almost as good as Luks class,” she breathed and Stella’s lips were on her, forcefully and roughly working in synch with hers, forcing them open with her tongue and all Scully could focus on was how warm and soft her tongue was in her mouth. 

“You were saying?” Stella spoke into her mouth and Dana opened her eyes to tell her that she didn’t remember but instead her attention was drawn to a figure across the parking lot. It took a moment to realize it was the guy who had served them, who was now literally pressing his palm on the glass and staring at them with his mouth agape. 

Dana startled and went to move, feeling violated despite the fact she was the one making out in public. 

“What’s wrong?” Stella noticed her body freezing up. 

“The guy who took our order is gaping at us, and I can only see one of his hands” she added as an afterthought and shuddered visibly. 

Stella raised an eyebrow but didn’t turn to confirm the fact for herself, instead she moved even closer to Dana, “So?”

Of all the responses she expected, Scully didn’t think the detective would react like that to getting caught being intimate with somebody, let along with another woman. 

“Let’s give him something to talk about” she let go of one of her hands and brought it up to Dana’s neck, circling her soft skin lightly, holding her in place before leaning in and giving the guy enough to write a short novel about. 

\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you sm for 1k hits yall truly the best. did you like this one?


	10. Chapter 10

They drove away to different directions as soon as the first rays of sun hit them and Scully kept one hand on the wheel and one on her swollen lips, evidence and proof tonight had actually happened. 

She unplugged her landline and turned off her phone as soon as she got home, beelining for her bed, with enough energy to strip down to her, well Stella’s, panties before falling face first on the soft mattress. 

Next thing she knows, somebody is persistently ringing her doorbell and she jumps off the bed disoriented, throwing on her robe and running to the door, letting Meg in.  
“What the hell happened to you?” she demanded, pacing around Dana who was still sleep ridden and barely comprehending a word her friend was saying. 

“I was ready to call the cops.”

“We are the cops” Scully mumbled and tried to smooth down her hair that was flying everywhere around her face.

“Why haven’t you been answering your phone? Jane chewed off my head for letting you leave that late and I couldn’t even tell her where you went, not that I know to begin with but-“

“I can’t believe I’m the one saying this to you but you need to relax. I wanted to sleep in, uninterrupted. I got in early this morning.”

“It’s 9 pm”

Dana turned to the window thinking Meg was messing with her but sure enough, it was pitch black outside and the clock over her bookcase read a bit past 9. She must have been way more exhausted than she thought, the stress of the breakup and everything going on with Stella finally getting to her. 

The junk food eating session with her friends seemed ages ago. A lot could happen in 24 hours. A lot did. 

“Tea?” she offered Meg who was still looking at her like she’d grown a second head. She put the kettle on and took out two mugs not waiting for a response, motioning at the brunette to sit down on the stool. 

“Care to tell me what the hell is going on?” 

“I don’t know what’s going on” she admitted and dipped the teabag in and out of the scalding water. She wanted to tell her but she was scared. Admitting it to someone other than herself made it real. 

“I met somebody” she started, testing the waters, “a woman.”

Meg nodded, having already guessed as much from their little talk last night and waited for her to continue. 

“I broke things off with Jack because it didn’t feel right with her in the picture.”

“In what way is she in the picture?”

Scully paused thinking about it, coming up blank. She could say it was purely physical. A carnal desire that could possibly be satisfied by a sweet night and then after her curiosity was met she could go back to whatever her life was before Stella. 

But it was more than that. She barely knew anything about the woman, yet she found her fascinating, the very air of mystique she carried herself with the most probable cause of that although the rare instances she had let her guard down a bit, she saw way more than that cold cool exterior. 

“I don’t know,” she said instead, “all I do know is that I want to be with her all the time.”

“Who are you and what have you done to Dana Scully?” Meg fake gasped and Dana threw the kitchen towel she was holding at her head. 

“Who is she?” she asked again and Scully turned her back to her, fearing she could read the answer on her face. “A girl does not kiss and tell.”

“You’ve kissed?” Meg’s voice went up an octave and Dana turned back at her a coy smile tagging on her lips. Last time she had a conversation like that she was in middle school, telling Melissa about a boy she thought was cute that had kissed her against her locker. 

“A lot.” In fact, her lips were still tender from earlier that morning. 

“Have you-“

“No.” she cut her off quickly knowing where her thoughts were heading. 

“But you want to?” Meg guessed and Dana thought about the woman’s lips on hers, her breasts, her abs, her smooth…

“Yes.” She stopped her mind for trailing further, despite the fact her photographic memory had already stored every inch of her body in the “For Later” file of her brain.  
“You do realize you have to tell me who it is, now right.” 

Scully laughed at the seriousness of her friend’s tone but didn’t reply. She feared that letting anyone else in on whatever was happening was going to ruin it. Like the way you don’t make your birthday wish out loud so that it will come true. 

“It’s Gibson isn’t it?” 

Dana’s head snapped back to Meg who was looking coolly at her, searching her face until her eyes registered Dana’s reaction and she literally jumped up. 

“No way.” She gasped. “No. Fucking. Way. I was only messing with you. Holy shit Dana.”

“Keep your voice down.” There was no point denying it at this point. “Why would you even say it is her, in the first place though?” she panicked thinking somebody had seen them somewhere. 

“Holy shit” Meg repeated, completely ignoring her question. “You’ve had my respect before but now,” she whistled and Scully rolled her eyes. 

“I saw the way she was looking at you in the hospital. She almost shot this poor paramedic that accidentally banged your head on the floor while they were getting you onto the hospital gurney.”

Scully’s eyebrows rose to her hairline and her heart skipped a beat at the thought of Stella caring for her even when she wasn’t conscious to witness it.

“At first I thought she was mothering you but come to think of it she did look like she was about to go off on Willis ass, every time he opened his mouth that night.”  
Dana found this amusing, internally basking in unjustified pride that the detective had that reaction over her. Out of everyone competing for her attention, Stella had seen her, even if her intentions weren’t long term. 

“What is she like?”

“Intense,” she said truthfully. Sometimes she thought that Stella was going to explode, that all the pent up rage and sadness Scully had caught glimpses of, was gonna pour out of her and consume her. Yet she’d never seen her lose control of herself, apart from that time over dinner. 

“Alright, I can see you’re too whipped to talk. I’m going to leave you to daydream about that hot girlfriend of yours, but this conversation isn’t over. Man, I can’t believe, you, of all people, are getting more girl action than me. Crazy times.”

“Please refrain from making any more of these ridiculous comments, and keep this information to yourself.” There wasn’t much truth to her silly commentary and she hated that she was making her lie to Jane as well but discretion was key at this point. 

“Whatever you say, boss.” Meg fake saluted her and was out of the door before Dana had the chance to make sure she was going to comply with her request. 

She spent the rest of the night tossing and turning. That salute had reminded her of her father and what would he think had he known about his Starbuck‘s latest activities. He was disappointed in her as it was, she didn’t even want to consider letting him down any further.

She forced herself to get up early in the morning and catch up on all the work and studying that had been piling up. She had never been this disorganized in her life and hated every minute of it. Stella’s arrival had thrown her off her rhythm yet the blonde was all she could think about at the end of the day.

Meg had called her in the afternoon because she had thought of more pressing questions and “couldn’t sleep unless she knew the answers to them”, but Dana had literally had hung up on her at the mention of carpets matching the drapes. 

No carpet. But that was just for her to know. 

-

She knew their names. Almost everyone in her leadership class was addressed by their surnames and Stella had only been teaching them for a few weeks. Scully was in a foul mood after teaching her forensic classes all morning but had readily partnered up with Ben and three other people to work on a project on strategic management while on high-risk operations. She found herself talking loudly over the rest of the group, pushing for her strategy to be heard and borderline yelling at a postgraduate agent in her team whose mindset was faulty, to say the least. 

“Agent Cantu, what seems to be the problem here?” Stella approached the table their group was bent over, Cantu’s snide remark undoubtedly catching her attention. The use of his last name, which Dana had shortened and given a British twist in her head to match his attitude, made her momentarily marvel at the thoroughness with which Stella did her job before she was reminded why she was gripping the edge of the table with unmistaken force, to begin with.

They had been arguing over evacuation protocol and Scully was insisting that they evacuate the day-care of the building before the SWAT team even goes in. Cantu had dismissed her before she was even done supporting her proposition, yelling that she was being too emotional.

Dana’s grip was so hard her knuckles had turned white. She didn’t want to go off on him and give him the satisfaction of confirming his point by losing her cool, so she pressed her lips shut as Stella came over to them. 

The detective saw her distress and raised a hand to the small of Dana’s back barely even touching her but Scully stepped away. She didn’t need saving, she could handle this prick on her own, she had been doing as much all her life.

"Nothing's going on here. Agent Cantu was just completely disregarding protocol for macho ideologies" Dana cooed coolly without looking at Stella. 

Ben who had the good sense to not get involved covered his mouth with his hand and Scully was sure he mumbled 'damn' into it. 

If Stella was pissed they were making a scene she didn't show it. Instead, she held Cantu's gaze, daring him to continue the argument until she made sure he wouldn't. 

She then went over their entire strategy, pointing out missteps not even Scully's careful eye had noticed and she was having trouble concentrating even now. 

Stella had come to stand next to her leaning over the target building's blueprints, indicating something to the other woman in their group. 

She could literally feel the heat radiating off her small body and instinctively drew closer to her. From where Scully was standing she had a perfect view of the detective’s breasts, that were revealed to her even further when the blonde leaned over the table to get a pen, causing the top two buttons of her shirt to pop exposing more cleavage that the professional attire allowed. 

She looked away immediately feeling guilty that she was lusting over her in their place of work, only to realize she wasn’t the only one. Both Cantu and Ben were openly starring at Stella’s chest area with dumb expressions on their faces, unfoundedly processing nothing she was saying to them. 

Dana coughed and smoothly stepped in front of the detective blocking the men’s view of her, making a point of reaching for some papers she didn’t need. Ben smiled at her apologetically and Cantu looked more annoyed that he got caught than anything else but took the hint as well. By the time Scully retook her place and Stella came into view, her buttons were done up and her expression was unreadable. 

It turned out that Cantu had been right about the evacuation order albeit the reason having nothing to do with sentimentality. Scully was immaturely pissed off and in desperate need of punching the smug smile off Cantu’s face but he was literally saved by the bell when Stella dismissed them and she walked out of the room without another look at any of them. 

She was halfway down to the parking lot when she felt her purse buzzing and she pulled out her phone to answer it. 

“What did you run out so quick for?” Ben’s laughter bounced off the speaker and Dana sighed. She had half expected it to be Stella for some reason and couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed. She halfheartedly assured Ben that she would be at tonight’s gathering at the bar having canceled two weeks in a row, and headed to her place to get ready. 

Despite the day she had, Scully found herself laughing along with the guys and even joining Jane in completely murdering a TLC song. She had opted not to drink a lot so she called it a night after one beer and avoided Meg at all costs. The brunette had been looking at her pointedly all night but Dana pretended not to catch the innuendo fraught looks that would inevitably bring up a certain somebody. 

She was in the middle of lecturing Dave about the implications living off burgers would have to his sexual performance long-term, when her phone buzzed with an incoming text. 

"Come see me?"

She read on the small screen and her heartbeat spiked when she saw the sender was one filled under SG.

At first, she didn’t notice the question mark and was taken aback by the imperative, although the message remained the same. 

“Why are you smiling like a damn fool?” Dave asked and she tried to morph her countenance back to its resting stage, not realizing she was smiling in the first place.

“None of your business” she tried to joke it off and luckily everyone was intoxicated enough to buy it. Meg, on the other hand, coughed dry and show-offy but got no reaction from Scully who quickly typed back. 

"I’m with friends right now." 

She had never been one to ditch a friend over a non-platonic person in her life and she tried to convince herself she wouldn’t start now, even if every fiber of her being was dying to go to her. 

"Right, Monday. Enjoy x"

She stared at the single x and wondered if it really looked condescending or if she had finally lost her mind. What had she expected? For Stella to beg? Clearly, she knew her better than that by now. 

"That didn’t mean no."

She wrote back, her fingers not obeying her brain that ordered them to put her phone away. 

"I’ll be at the hotel’s bar."

Stella replied an agonizingly long minute later and Scully let out the breath she was holding, only to panic anew at the promise of seeing her again so soon. 

“Didn’t your mother teach you it’s rude to be on your phone while with company?” Tommy sneakered in between gulps of beer and Dana shoved her phone back to her purse fishing around for the twenty she had thrown in there earlier. 

“I’m sorry you guys, I’m gonna call it a night. Headache.” She pointed at her head as if the gesture backed her argument. 

“Party pooper” Ben booed her and Jane pointed out it was just rounding ten pm and she should stay. 

“More fries for us” Meg joked and gave a surreptitious little nod at her, clearly catching on to her sad excuse of a lie but giving her the opportunity to slip out relatively easy. She made a mental note to thank her tomorrow and was out of the door as soon she was done explaining to the waitress that she was indeed the one who got knocked out in the bathroom and embarrassingly let her buy her the drink “on the house.” 

She got to the hotel relatively fast and spent a minute assessing herself in the little mirror of the overhead compartment before stepping out into the frigid air. Hastily, in order to avoid another run-in with the lobbyist, she headed to the dining area and scanned the relatively empty room for the blonde. 

She stopped dead on her tracks when she spotted her at the bar sitting awfully close to a guy in an expensive looking suit. She couldn’t see her face but the guy was laughing at whatever she was saying making Scully wander if coming here had been a mistake. 

She removed her bulky coat and tried to hide her uncertainty as she marched up to them and put a hand around Stella’s waist fisting the fabric underneath the wire of her bra. She was the one who had texted her. 

The older woman startled at the touch and raised her eyebrow at Dana, fighting a smirk. 

“Hi, the traffic was horrible. Forgive me?” she lied and debated leaning down to kiss her but decided against it not sure Stella would appreciate it. 

“No worries, Patrick here kept me company.” She nodded at the guy who had taken a step back and was examining Dana’s grip on Stella, clearly trying to guess the nature of their relationship. 

Scully gave him a tight-lipped smile that didn’t reach her eyes and tightened her hold around the blonde territorially, “Thank you, I’ll take it from here.”

The guy opened his mouth to protest but Dana dropped her coat at the back of the chair between them and took a seat facing away from him. Stella smiled and raised her shoulders in a ‘what can you do’ gesture, at him until Scully could no longer feel him towering behind her. 

“That was interesting.” Stella mused and motioned at the bartender, ordering Dana a glass of red without asking her. 

“Does this always happen to you? Of course it does, what am I saying.” Scully chastised herself and took a sip of her wine. 

“Men always gravitate towards what is not readily theirs for the taking, and I enjoy what they have to offer. It’s a rather beneficial transaction if you choose smartly.” She said with the nonchalance of someone discussing market stocks and not their sex life. 

“A transaction? Is that all what it is for you?” Dana echoed, wondering how anyone could be so detached from their emotions but recognizing sex did not require the involvement of any, for many people. 

Stella examined her face and Scully was sure she saw the disappointment painted clearly in the way her lips were pressed together and her eyes were looking at everything but her searching ones. 

“Does that bother you?” She asked her at last and Dana finally looked at her shaking her head no. 

The detective still had on the same outfit she wore in class and Dana could see where her badge had been clipped on it, leaving behind a wrinkle, the only anomaly in her otherwise seamless perfection. No, it didn’t bother her, Scully would take whatever was given to her. 

Stella followed her gaze and mercifully changed the subject. “Thank you for today,” she touched the uncooperative buttons of her shirt and Dana scowled at the thought of Cantu. 

“Agent Cunt was ogling at you” she shrugged and Stella let out a laugh at the name.

“Nice nickname, very British of you.”

“Yeah, you’re rubbing off on me.” She said jokingly but the lighthearted atmosphere changed instantly as the two of them stared at each other, the double meaning of her words hanging heavy between them. 

“You’ve never been with a woman, have you?” Stella said quietly, stating rather than asking but Dana didn’t find any condescension laced within her words. 

“Does that bother you?” Scully threw her words back at her proud that her voice came out steady, unlike her frantic heartbeat. 

Stella smiled and stood up, taking Dana’s slightly trembling hand in hers. “Want to come up?” she offered and Scully stopped breathing altogether.

This is it, she thought. She could say no, she almost did, but instead, she stood up and squeezed the detective’s hand in affirmation, not caring that it was shaking. 

“Put it on my tab,” she told the bartender without looking away from her and guided her out of the hall towards the now familiar path to her room. They didn’t hold hands, this wasn’t this kind of deal but Stella raised hers and caught a stray strand of red in between slender fingers, as soon as they were alone in the elevator. 

“I like it like that,” she said and pinned the hair behind her ear. Dana had worn her hair up in a little twist clipped at the back of her head and a few strands were too short to stay in their confines, escaping to frame her face. Apart from her red lipstick, she didn’t have any other makeup on which made her look even younger than she normally did. 

Stella must have noticed her same thing because she glided the back of her fingers down Dana’s face, cupping her cheek and stroking the soft skin there, living a trail of goosebumps behind her. 

“So young” she mused and brought her lips to her cheekbone, the administration so innocent and pure Scully raised her hand and cupped Stella’s over her cheek, “I’ve never felt young,” she admitted truthfully not wanted to be treated as such right now.

She guided Stella’s hand to her lips and kissed the back of her palm, staining her skin in an almost perfect imitation of her uneven lips which made them both laugh. 

“Lovely shade” Stella joked and her breath fanned Scully’s face an intoxicating mix of wine, toothpaste and her. 

Before she could retort that it would look better on her the elevator stopped at the DSI’s floor and they broke apart, nodding at an older woman in the hallway who threw them a nasty look that they both chose to ignore. ‘Nothing was going to ruin this for her’ Scully thought and locked the door behind her as soon as Stella let them in. 

“Do you want some more wine, I have a mini-“ Scully pressed her lips to Stella’s cutting her off. She was in desperate need of taking control over the situation otherwise the mere thought of what was about to happen was too overwhelming to bear. 

Stella kissed her back for a few seconds before raising her hands to Dana’s shoulders and pushing her away gently. “Take it easy love, we have time.” 

Scully tried not to take offense or read anything into the pet name which was clearly void of any actual affection, while she nodded and let Stella go fetch them a glass. 

She sat down at the little cushioned bench at the foot of the bed and let the sound of rain outside soothe her erratic breathing, closing her eyes. “I love rain,” she said when she felt Stella sitting beside her and without opening her eyes extended her hand to reach for the wine glass, taking a long sip when Stella handed it to her. 

“You would love London. Have you been?” 

“Briefly as a child, I don’t remember much. Do you miss it?” she opened her eyes and saw her staring at her intently, “not really.” 

Her eyes spoke of a different story but she didn’t press it. Even with Dana’s lipstick smudged all around her mouth, she was breathtaking but Scully smiled softly of the mess, taking pride in the fact she was responsible for it, at least for tonight. 

“What?” The blonde asked and Dana wiped some of the sticky substance from her chin and showed it to her. 

“You should see yourself” Stella mused and Dana’s hand flew self consciously to her mouth. 

Stella took the wine from her and let both of them to the table by the window before disappearing into the bathroom only to return a few seconds later with a makeup wipe. 

She gently raised it to Dana’s lips and wiped away the remaining lipstick. Dana took it from her when she was done and used the clean side to return the favor but didn’t stop at her lips. She moved the wipe across her entire face, revealing the little scars and age lines. Stella let her, closing her eyes. Somehow the gesture was more intimate than undressing, although Scully wanted to get to that part as well.

She leaned in and kissed the corner of her mouth, and then the other until Stella raised her hand to the back of Dana’s neck pulling her fully against her now open mouth. She kissed her like no guy had ever kissed her. Soft at first, tasting each other, each kiss echoing loudly in the quiet room. Hot and moist later. Stella’s tongue pushing easily into Dana’s mouth, searching for hers, moaning as they started moving in sync, sharing one breath. She didn’t know where she ended and Stella began and still, she wanted more. 

She pulled away and brought her shaky fingers the infamous buttons of Stella’s shirt but the older woman stopped her, catching her arms and pulling her up with her, both of them breathing hard. 

Without breaking eye contact she walked them around the bed and Scully thought she was going to push her back on it but instead she flipped them swiftly, sitting on the soft duvet instead. Stella spread her knees and tagged on Scully’s hand who came to stand between them. 

Looking up at her, Stella pulled on the hem of Dana’s shirt who raised her arms to help her and let the shirt fall on the floor. Stella brought her hot lips to Scully’s stomach working her way up to the elastic band of her bralette.

Scully moved closer to give her better access and closed her eyes as the older woman’s hands moved to her back and easily unclasped the lacy undergarment, leaving Dana half naked and soft as playdoh under Stella’s capable hands. 

The blonde’s hands stayed on Dana’s back manhandling her so that she could get better access to the valley between her breasts. Scully’s arms flew to Stella’s shoulders to steady herself when she felt the woman breathing against her left nipple which hardened to its full extent. 

“Look at me” Stella ordered and her voice was as raw as Dana’s breasts felt, before she took one in her mouth slowly circling her sensitive skin, repressing the sound that babbled in her neck when her hand moved to the other one, cupping, fondling, tagging. 

She looked down at her moving from left to right and back again, her tongue leaving a wet trail on her flushed skin, teasing her merciless. No one had devoted so much time on pleasing her before and her blood pounded in her veins as hard as the rain on the window outside. 

Scully pushed her away this time, and Stella looked up at her with concern, “Did I-“

“I want to touch you.” She cut her off before she could think she did something wrong and brought her hands to Stella’s buttons again. This time the blonde didn’t stop her but did get fed up when Dana’s trembling hands fumbled and she undid the rest of them herself.

She ached to feel her, the fullness of her, the entire length of her body against her own. She shoved her back on the bed and climbed next to her, pressing their bodies together. 

Stella looked at her amused at first but then seem to remember the novelty this unrehearsed choreography of bodies paused to Dana and propped herself to one elbow before bending down to place a reassuring kiss on her throbbing lips. At the same time, she shed her shirt all the while never breaking away from her lips. 

Dana pulled her closer, her hand slipping over lace, over soft skin, over one curved hip, resting there. 

“Can you get the light?” She panted between Stella’s lips and the latter pulled away to frown down at her. 

Scully was comfortable in her skin but only when she didn’t have to actively compare herself with someone else in the room. She knew this wasn’t a competition but the older woman’s confidence and experience left her feeling inadequate on some level.

“Don’t be absurd, you’re fatally prepossessing,” Stella said and pulled on the clip in her hair letting it fan against the white duvet, creating a flaming halo around her face. 

“I wasn’t fishing for compliments.” She quickly explained herself although the blood that rushed to her face tinting her cheeks, betrayed that she enjoyed the gross overstatement. 

“And I was simply stating a fact.” Stella ignored her request and crushed her mouth to hers while strong fingers slipped around her neck to keep her in place.

The boost of confidence made her brave enough to reach behind the blonde and unclasp her bra, pulling her small body on hers, the two of them fit together like a puzzle. The press of Stella’s firm, full breasts against her own was maddening and the touch of her hands on her warm bare skin sent a bust of heat straight to Dana’s core, the ache causing her to gasp in Stella’s mouth that seemed to get the message. 

Stella moved her way down her body agonizingly slow, her mouth moved beneath hers, nibbling and sucking at the sensitive skin of her neck. Her hand slid down her body and over her hip, drawing her simple slip away and Dana lifted her hips to let her.

There was nothing between them now but Stella’s pants and Scully’s hands flew blindly to the single button with the urgency of a teenager after prom in the car of her date’s beat up truck. 

This was infinitely better than her first time already. A chance to redo a first, for all intents and purposes it was. And with the most mind bobbling woman she had ever met to do it with. 

Stella stripped down to a tiny thong that was barely covering anything and looked at Dana asking for permission with her eyes. 

Scully’s hands dove into the other woman’s soft, lush hair and she ran her fingers through soft tendrils, fulfilling a recurring fantasy of hers. The real thing felt better. “Yes.”

Stella’s fingers slipped between Dana’s thighs and she jumped as she cupped her delicate, aching flesh applying pressure.

All Dana could feel was her touch, all she knew was the pressure and heat building up under Stella’s hand. She was more than ready and the older woman smiled at her before instructing her to spread her legs and bend her knees. 

Scully felt her frantic heartbeat between her legs, each pump of her heart coating her with a new wave of arousal and it took everything in her not to touch herself. 

Stella straddled one of Dana’s thighs and Scully was confused as to what was happening before the blonde started moving up and down the firm skin of her upper leg, rubbing herself against it.

A soft moan left Stella’s lips and Scully gasped at the feel of wetness the other woman’s administrations were leaving on her leg, despite the fabric between them. She was as turned on as she was but Stella knew exactly what to do about it. 

She bent down to kiss Dana without messing up her rhythm while her finger slipped inside Scully without warning, causing her to cry out.

“So tight,” the blonde frowned against her lips, “you need to relax if this is going to work.”

Dana wanted nothing more than this to work and took the challenge at heart bringing her hand down to Stella’s thong, pulling at it until she heard the unmistaken sound of fabric ripping and the older woman stopped moving. She raised her eyebrow questioningly and Dana blushed, “I’m sorry, I just meant to take them off-”

“Fuck, Dana. Stop talking” Stella all but growled and her mouth was on hers again, forcing her way in, desperate and hungry. 

Her finger found its way inside her again but this time Dana bucked her hips against Stella’s hand, more than ready for her. 

“More” she whispered and Stella immediately added a finger moving in and out of her in sync with her own body’s movement against her leg. 

Dana wanted to reciprocate, the surface of her thigh, sleek where soft wet flesh met strong muscle but Stella gently slapped her hand away. 

Instead, Stella pinned both of them over her head with her free one, while the other was curling inside her hitting that sweet, sweet spot. 

She was panting, on the verge of hyperventilating. Her staccato breathing mixing with Stella’ moans filled the room. She felt too exposed, too vulnerable. Each sensation on the different parts of her body demanded her attention and the combination was so overwhelming she felt a tear run down her cheek. 

Stella saw it and kissed it away, pressing hard on the bundle of nerves between Scully’s legs giving her what her body craved. 

She held onto the older woman as she rode it out, the pressure releasing and warmth spreading everywhere making her dizzy. 

Stella held her until her breathing returned to normal and then got up, slipping into a pink robe. She took a sip from her long forgotten wine and turned to look at Dana who was looking at her with reverence. 

“Good?” The blonde asked, as composed as ever, and Scully grinned like a fool,

“Never better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there it isssssss. i know this was absolute crap and it took way to long to write but a sis tried. thoughts?


	11. Chapter 11

“Did you…” Dana asked, her voice strained and rolled over to her stomach to look at Stella who smiled into the glass.

Come? No. It had been hard to do so lately, but she was hopeful for tonight. After Dana was gone, she was going to take care of herself with the help of the detachable shower head and the thought of the very girl looking at her expectedly from the bed. 

“Don’t worry about that.” She said to the redhead who propped herself up with her elbows, resting her flashed face on her palms. If she was to lift her calves off the mattress and cross her ankles in the air swinging them back and forth, they’d be having a very different conversation right now.

But she didn’t, and her eyes were hard on her, “Don’t patronize me.”

“I wasn’t,” Stella said immediately and held her gaze for her to see that she meant it. The last thing that she wanted was for Dana to question herself. She could easily see that the young woman was comfortable in her skin and took pride in who she was as a person, and yet Stella couldn’t help but see through it.

A hand pulling conspicuously on her cross, the tip of her pink tongue checking on her lip, a strand of hair repetitively pinned behind her ear, even if it hadn’t dared escape in the first place. 

It was those things that kept her coming back for more. Her therapist used to say that she had a fixation with broken people and naturally gravitated towards them, working tirelessly to fix what wasn’t hers to mend as a defense mechanism of avoiding her own baggage. 

She no longer saw her therapist and besides, Dana wasn’t broken. 

She was slow burning fire. The kind that clings to the log even after you have poked, drenched and blown on it. Whatever life threw at her, she could handle. But she was young and it is the youth that makes you question the very things you long for as time goes by. 

Her small body was perfect. Soft, lean and strong all in the same breath and Stella wanted to breathe her in forever. If it was anyone else the whole ordeal would be over by now. She had to work for every single thing in life but this. Never this. 

Ever since she was thirteen she had attracted that kind of attention whether she wanted it or not. 

Before her father died she looked away. After, she welcomed it. There was no such thing as lost innocence. The second she stepped out in the world, a baby, a girl, a woman, she bore the crimes of those before her down to the very first one, womanhood.

So she welcomed it. Changed the narrative. Took back the power that was taken from her under family dinner tables, her childhood bedroom, dark alleys, the back of cars, movie theatres and in broad daylight. 

In time she learned to enjoy it, crave it. Relishing on the fact she was in charge of her own body, her own choices she wanted the high to never end. So she studied, a lot. And with every degree, she grew and so did her options. She got recruited in between lovers’ beds, strangers’ couches and eventually her own. 

There were a lot of men at first, and then she found out women’s bodies could be equally pleasing. There were even some women that had it in them to stand up next to her, shoulder pads and all, without biting into society’s forced ‘kill or be killed’ trope that rendered them, enemies.

She made her way to the bed and run a finger down Dana’s body starting from her freckled shoulder, following the visible line of her spine to the small of her back, where she leaned down to feel the goosebumps she caused there with her lips.

The redhead turned to her side to look at her, flushed anew. “What now?” 

Stella looked at her looking, each pair of eyes searching the other for answers and Stella realized it had been a while since she couldn’t come up with a clear one. 

“I don’t know.”

“I have work and classes tomorrow,” Dana said and Stella nodded, tightening the sash of her robe that had started to slip open. Even in this state, the younger woman proved to be the responsible one among the two and Stella almost laughed out loud at the change of roles. 

“What’s so funny?” 

“Nothing. You should go get some rest.”

Dana averted her eyes and Stella could tell the younger woman was annoyed with her yet again. 

“Or not. The choice is yours.” Stella added and finished her wine that left a bitter taste on her tongue. 

Scully who was beginning to put her clothes back on paused upon hearing her and looked conflicted for a few seconds before she let her panties drop again and came to stand in front of where Stella was sitting on the bed. 

“Does this place have a bathtub?”

Stella followed a bead of sweat that what found refuge on the hollow of Dana’s collarbone, run down between her breasts, a captivating race of skin versus gravity and then smiled up at her. 

“There are essential oils in the cupboard.”

Dana nodded and with a lingering look disappeared into the bathroom in all her naked glory leaving Stella to consider her next steps. 

It was late, she was beyond tipsy, her thighs were getting progressively sleeker where they met aching flesh and she was tired of thinking. 

She carefully placed her hotel glass on the table and uncharacteristically took a swig straight from the bottle, trying to chase away that bitter taste.

When that failed she rummaged the drawer next to the mini fridge for anything edible that she could find and almost fist bumped the air when the sound of plastic wrapper scrunching under her fingers filled the room. 

Marshmallows. The result of a jet-lagged late drive to the gas station and her sweet tooth. 

She popped the bag open and fished a sugary pillow out, putting the entire thing in her mouth, working it with her tongue until it melted to a manageable size to swallow. Her fingers were already coated with the residue and her lips stuck together with sugar when her tongue darted out to clean any evidence of her splurging away.

She heard the tap stop running and water slashing against the floor followed by a barely audible curse. 

Smiling she made her way to the bathroom only to see Dana neck deep in purple foggy water with her eyes closed. 

“I see you found the bath bomb.”

Dana startled visibly causing yet more water to spill on the tiles and looked at her apologetically. 

“Hope that’s okay.”

“It was a gift, I don’t like that stuff so you’re more than welcome.”

“So that means you won’t be joining me?” She said this without looking at her and Stella was free to smile unwatched. 

“No. But I will keep you company if you want to.”

The redhead nodded and Stella pulled a stool under the sink placing it next to her head, watching the younger woman close her eyes and sinking lower into the water.   
Stella took the opportunity to have another marshmallow and Dana cracked an eye open in order to see her devour the entire thing, scrunching up her narrow nose. 

“Those are bad for you.”

“What isn’t?” she deadpanned and popped another in her mouth. 

Dana seemed to consider this and before Stella had time to react a wet hand shot out of the water and grabbed her robe pulling her down enough for Dana to crush her lips to Stella’s. Scully took Stella’s bottom lip in her mouth and nibbled at it, surreptitiously sucking the sticky sugar from it before pulling away enough to look at Stella who raised an eyebrow at her.

“Sweet” Dana hummed and it took everything in Stella not to drag her out of the bathtub and redefine what sweet was. Instead, she let the bag drop to the floor and tangled her fingers into the girl’s wet hair pulling her upper body out of the tub enough to capture her lips again. 

Dana’s mouth was hot against hers, her full lips parting so her tongue could lick the remaining sugar clean off Stella’s. Without warning Stella parted Dana’s lips with her tongue and passed the melting marshmallow from her mouth to hers. 

The redhead groaned in surprise but deepened the kiss instantly taking it from her, the sweetness on her velvet tongue almost unbearable. 

“I changed my mind. Smores are quite good.” She panted between her lips when Stella pulled away for air, smiling up at her.

“Just quite?”

“Hmm” Dana’s chest heaved. Her torso coming in and out of the water, baptizing her breasts in lavender water with each breath. Stella shimmied out of her right sleeve and dipped her arm in the lukewarm tub cupping one of them and squeezing forcibly.

“How about now?”

Dana moaned and let her head fall back to the tub as Stella moved her hand down south and slipped two fingers inside Dana who gasped against her mouth. 

“Better?”

“Much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small chapter with Stella's POV bc i remember someone asking for one and if anything we aim to please/ what did you think?im not sure if this was an one time thing or not


	12. Chapter 12

She was restless. Her toned little body tearing away from Scully’s now and again limps getting tangled in quality linens, fingers scribing away on little notebooks with the same ferocity they had worked inside her mere hours ago. Of course, Scully wasn’t aware of any of this until light crept into the hotel room and she saw the evidence of it on the marble nightstand beside the bed where the notebook was shut firmly but the pen had lost its lid and the excessive ink was slightly dripping into the abstract designs on it.

She could feel Stella had been watching her before she even opened her eyes. She didn’t recall when she fell asleep in the woman’s bed but the prominent shadows she saw under Stella’s intense gaze, when she did open them, made her worry that she shouldn’t have stayed over. Intuitively Scully knew her presence was insignificant and Stella would have fought with Morpheus and lose whether she was there or not. 

“Do you ever sleep?” she asked closing her eyes again, just because she couldn’t think of anything else to say and felt Stella’s breath fan her face when she snorted, which automatically sped up her heart rate.

“Only when I absolutely have to” Stella replied and Scully had to look at her this time to see if she was serious or not, frowning when she realized she was.

“I cannot understand how you function, I am dead on my feet if I get any less than six hours of-” she trailed off, only then realizing Stella was fully dressed, her hair styled into her signature effortless-looking curls.

“Shit, what time is it?” she looked around frantically to locate a watch.

“Half-past six”

Dana sighed in relief and pinned the white sheet under her armpits, very aware she was naked all of a sudden.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” she mumbled, avoiding her eyes. Last night’s streak of confidence had worn off and everything seemed a little bit too real and overwhelming in the light of day.

“I tried but you just scooted my hand away. I was certain the blow dryer would wake you after that but you must have been pretty exhausted.”

Scully blushed at the implication of the reason behind her newfound exhaustion and didn’t even try to correct her by saying that this was the norm and she could sleep through a marching band routine.  
“Sorry about that” she mumbled again scanning the floor for her underwear and clothes which to her mortification she located neatly folded on the chair across the room. Scully briefly considered wrapping the sheet around her as she made her way there but that would only draw more attention to the fact she was uncomfortable and she didn’t think she could afford to lose any more face.   
She took a deep breath as if she was about to run a marathon and without looking at Stella, all but sprinted to the chair, surreptitiously turning her panties inside out before hastily pulling them up. Her bra was next but her hands were so sweaty and shaky that she couldn’t get the little clasp shut behind her back, getting more frustrated by the second until she felt a cool hand on her shoulder that made her jump.

“Let me,” Stella said and quickly hooked her bra, letting her cool fingers fall to her side over Scully’s ribs.

“What’s the matter?” she asked again and Dana closed her eyes trying hard to regulate her breathing.

“Nothing, I don’t want to be late for work.” She said as convincingly as she could master not turning to look at her until Stella forcefully span her around.

“You need to work on your poker face” Stella lifted her chin forcing Dana to take her eyes off that fascinating spot on the carpet and look at her.

She was unfairly breathtaking this early in the morning, dark circles and all. Scully didn’t want to think what she must look like but judging from past experience it wasn’t pretty. 

“You are regretting what happened” The older woman stated rather than inquired and Scully shook her head vigorously. 

“No, of course not,” she said before Stella was even done talking and turned around to finish dressing.

“Then what is it?”

Scully fumbled with the button of her pants purposefully prolonging the automatic habits of dressing to keep her hands busy. “I just-”

“Look at me when I’m talking to you” Stella cut her off and Dana hated how flustered she was getting, not appreciating the detective’s tone but recognizing she was being childish.

She took a deep breath and turned around to face her, her eyes immediately falling to Stella’s slightly pursed with annoyance lips, leaning in without thinking and pressing her own to them until she felt the older woman’s facial muscles relax.

“I just wanted you to have as good of a time as I had” she admitted, and Stella’s eyes softened ever so slightly.

“Who said I hadn’t?”

“Oh come on” Dana rolled her eyes and pushed passed her and into the bathroom. She sighed at the sight of her hair and tried to comb through it with her fingers. She saw Stella follow her and lean against the doorframe in all her poised glory watching her. 

“I’m not going to humor you or stroke your ego if that’s what you want.”

“That’s not why I said it” Scully offered and snorted humorlessly. She had never been one for chasing complements but rather silently stewed in them after they were given to her freely and in abundance only after she had worked tirelessly to be worthy of them. She didn’t feel she was deserving of them now, not that Stella was offering in the first place. 

Stella came to stand next to her and took the finger that Dana had squeezed some toothpaste on to use as a substitute toothbrush, guiding it under the running water to clean it off. She then handed Scully her own, “Use mine. We’ve already swapped bodily fluids.”

Dana’s cheeks flamed and she didn’t know if she should be grossed out or turned on. One look at Stella’s face in the mirror solidified the latter and she got brave. “Not successfully.”

Stella laughed earnestly and the sound liquefied Dana’s organs in her tummy. “Next time,” Stella said and her breath caught visibly. She turned around and looked at her trying to read the older woman’s face. As per usual, she didn’t find any answers there so she opted for fabricated nonchalance instead; “Yeah?”

“You seem surprised.”

“I thought you didn’t do this twice.” She gestured between them and instantly regretted it.

“What exactly is it that you think I do?”

“You know what I meant.”

“You’re right. I don’t do this.” She stepped away from her and Dana pulled on her arm pleadingly.

“Stella, please.”

“I wasn’t finished.” The blonde said solemnly and Scully turned back to the faucet and splashed cold water to her face to calm down. Everything she wanted to say was coming out wrong and if she didn’t tread lightly she could mess this up irrevocably. 

“I’m not a case file. You can’t build a profile about me and speculate about my next move, my wants, my needs when I’m standing right here in front of you and then act out when I don’t fall in line with what the idea of me in your head would or wouldn’t do.”

Scully stared at her in stunned silence. She hadn’t even realized she was doing that in such extend until it was looking at her straight in the face. And boy was it pissed.

“Can you really blame me?” She said, relieved for it to be out there in the open. 

“You think it is easy for me to let myself be seen, in every sense of the word, by you and then spend days feeling guilty for simply wanting the same in return? I know you don’t do this, whatever this is, with anyone and yes maybe this is further than most people get with you but it’s not fair to me and you know it.” 

The words came out in a tumble and Scully could feel her heartbeat ringing in her ears but Stella had heard her loud and clear judging from the way she was looking at her, a mix between witnessing someone kicking a puppy and being turned on by something you shouldn’t. 

Stella held her gaze for what seemed like forever but was probably just a few seconds before sitting down at the edge of the bathtub her shoulders shrugging forward in defeat. Scully knew from personal experience that keeping it together took enormous effort and Stella looked like she was carrying the weight of the entire world. For all Dana knew she did.

“You’re right,” she said looking unblinking but not seeing at her general direction. “It’s not fair to you.” Scully didn’t let herself rejoice, sensing the “but” coming like the certain promise of rain from blackening clouds on a clear day. And it did.

“But I never promised you anything. You knew what you were getting yourself into. I am sorry however that I let it go this far, it’s not fair to you.” She repeated and Scully’s eyes stung. 

“I’m not.” She said defiantly as a child. She would never forgive herself if she cried now.

“But you said it yourself. You want more and I’m not the person who can give that to you.”

“I don’t want more from just anyone just for the sake of it. Hell, I left my boyfriend for you.” She regretted it as soon as she said it, partly because it wasn’t the entire truth but mostly for the way Stella’s eyes glazed over momentarily reliving a similar moment, with another fool, another time who had said something of the sort to her. Dana wasn’t the first, not would be the last person to move mountains for the blonde without her asking or wanting them to in the first place. 

“That’s on you. I thought you were smarter than that.” She sighed and her shoulder’s sunk even more. “I never asked you to.”

“Maybe you should have.” Scully knew she was walking a dangerous road but she felt like there was nothing more to lose. “If you’re still here it must mean at least a part of you wants to be. What are you so afraid of?”

Stella looked up at her and Dana could pinpoint the split second the Brit made the decision to let her guard down, “Everything”.

The sheer anguish that single word carried made Scully’s knees buckle as she closed the distance between them on autopilot coming to stand between Stella’s knees and pressing her body tight to hers. Her chin rested on top of the shock of blonde and her hands remained entwined on the older woman’s shoulders until she felt Stella loop hers around her wrinkled shirt and pull her even closer, in an uncharacteristic display of need. 

“That’s how us mortal folk feel all the time, you’ll get used to it.”Scully said after minutes of silence had gone by and the tension in the room was so thick you could cut and serve it at high tea.   
She felt the vibrations of what she hoped were Stella’s silent laugh travel up her body and she moved her head to kiss the top of hers, pausing a moment too long to breathe in her scent. An addict coming back for more. She smelled like lavender and the faint chemical odor of that purple shampoo she remembered her sister using that one summer she had gone blonde. 

“Come on I’ll buy you coffee.”

\--

Scully was aware they were back at square one, not having really solved anything by saying their truths out loud. They had gotten coffee at a gas station off the highway before driving away to their respective destinations with the bitter taste of espresso on their lips and the promise to talk more soon.

Every time her phone buzzed she jumped out of her skin only to pull herself back together when she saw it was only Meg or her mom calling to tell her she sounded tired. She was suddenly glad of all the miles between them. If Margaret thought she sounded tired she would have a fit if she took one look at her. 

She had lost at least two pounds and the darker skin under her eyes was getting harder and harder to cover with makeup. She hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in forever until last night, that is but then again any ounce of energy she might have reclaimed was lost the morning fiasco. 

Stella, on the other hand, looked as put together as always at class, any evidence of the bathroom’s conversation locked away in that endless storage room the blonde seemed to possess for repressing her emotions. 

Scully followed her lead and focused on the work instead of obsessing over the micro gestures and the way her eyes flicked briefly over hers before moving on to the person sitting next to her in the amphitheater.   
She had given up hope of Stella contacting her by ten-thirty and was halfway through her bedtime routine when the doorbell announced the blonde leaning on Scully’s doorframe and breathing heavily.  
“Come away with me.” Stella breathed as soon as Dana opened the door and her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

“What? Now? Where?” 

Stella shook her head impatiently. “This weekend. Roadtrip. You said you wanted to get to know me- ”

“Yes”

“-nd I can’t think of anything other than being stuck together for hours- “ Stella continued clearly having not heard Scully agree to it instantly but seeming determent to deliver her speech that sounded calculated and rehearsed.

“Stella. I already said yes.” 

 

\------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> L O N G time no see. I'm sorry it took forever to update but I was away for months plus had a severe case of writer's block but we're back on track now. Tell me what you thought as always.


	13. Chapter 13

It is weird how time seems to slow down when you’re really looking forward to something. By the time Friday rolled around, Scully was bouncing off the walls with equal amounts of anticipation and dread. She had readily agreed to go with Stella in the heat of the moment but the logical side of hers started overthinking it the second the blonde was out of sight. She didn’t know where they’d do, where they’d stay, how they would get there and what responsibilities would have to get neglected for three days. 

She made the decision to tell someone where she would be for safety reasons but came up with a very short list of people she could trust with such information. It wasn’t like she could ring up Jane and tell her she’d be skipping town for the weekend with yet another Academy instructor and oh did she mention it was a woman? 

So she called, to her dismay, the only person on her list. To her credit, Meg had been civilized for three whole minutes before questions about bed-sharing came up and Scully had to pretend she was losing signal in the elevator before Meg pointed out she had called her from the landline. 

Stella had texted her the meeting point along with a reminder to pack an extra sweater or two “because it gets cold around here” and Scully had tried her best to keep from telling her that she’d been living here her entire life and knew her way around the appropriate clothing for April.

These thoughts came back to bite her in the ass on Thursday night as she spent twenty minutes standing in front of her empty suitcase, both fists resting on her nonexistent love handles, looking as if right clothes would manifest in it Matilda style if she focused hard enough. 

The truth was she was more nervous than eager, the ‘what if’s stopping her from reveling in the fact they were finally making progress in their little twisted cat and mouse game. She tried to ignore that Stella had said loud and clear that the only way she could think of letting her guard down as if she was physically restrained in the cabin of the car with nowhere to go. Intrusive thoughts of the Brit opening the door on the highway and jumping onto the upcoming traffic when Scully asked a difficult question, popped in her mind and Dana dismissed it by folding her favorite shirts into the luggage.

A trip to the mall, that she had argued with herself was irrelevant to the trip, had left her covered on the underwear department, or uncovered depended on when you were standing. The sales lady at the lingerie store had given her a knowing smile and Scully had wanted to laugh at how far off the girl must be.

A restless night and a few unmemorable lectures later Scully was driving down Stella’s hotel where she would be picking her up. They had agreed on her car but would be splitting gas and accommodation expenses in half. 

Dana popped the trunk for her to put in her bags and rolled down the window to give Stella a funny look when she came to stand next to the driver’s door.  
“In case you forgot, in this country, the passenger’s seat is on the right” she joke but the blonde just pursed her lips at her. “I didn’t forget. I’m driving.”

Scully opened her mouth to protest but Stella opened the door and all but yanked her from the seat. “Look, you don’t even know where we’re going. It’s more practical this way” she said as Dana closed the passenger’s door with more force than necessary. She knew that this was only partially true and Stella’s choice had more to do with control and the simple act of having something to do with your hands when you got uncomfortable. From the way things were looking that was a given.

“Where are we going anyway?” she asked and her hand shot up to reach for the handle for dear life as Stella swerved into the highway. She had forgotten how fast she liked to drive. 

“The lack of trust you display in me is unnecessary, Agent Scully,” the brit said without looking at her and Dana realized she must have spoken out loud.

“I’m in a car with you, towards an unknown destination without any way to protect myself, is that trust enough for you? For all I know you’re taking me to the woods to murder me” she laughed but the joke fell flat and the way Stella’s features hardened into an unreadable expression told Scully she had unknowingly hit a nerve. 

She cleared her throat after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence and fumbled with the radio for a few seconds before landing on a country station and some guy drawling on about the one that got away. She turned it down to above a whisper and took upon looking the blackening sky. They were pushing six o'clock and even the most defiant rays of the sun had given way to moonlight. 

“What are you thinking?” Stella asked and Dana jumped a little in her seat, half expecting the older woman to be silent until they reached their destination.

“How fast it gets dark in winter and I barely see the sun anymore” she replied truthfully after her heart rate returned to normal. She turned to look at her and saw the corner of her lip tugging upwards ever so slightly. 

“What?”

“I’ve upped my SPF level since coming here for exactly the opposite reason.”

Scully huffed out a laugh, “So it’s true. It’s always raining in London.”

“Not more than necessary. That city needs regular washing.” 

Scully frowned at that, trying to read between the lines. She was certain the detective was talking about the monstrosities happening away from the touristy eye.

“What’s your favorite part of living there?” she decided to spin the narrative to something less negative and this seemed a safe enough place to start.

Now it was her turn to frown as if she couldn’t think of a single good thing. 

“I like people watching. Everyone’s always running. Running to get home, running to work, to the pubs to catch a train or a play. Expertly maneuvering around slow-walking tourists who stop every five seconds to take pictures of anything that might look like something. It’s soothing in a way. To now that life keeps going even if something happens that makes you feel like your feet are planted in cement.”

Dana absorbed every word, every syllable, not daring to breathe in case the spell is broken and she stops talking. God, she never wants her to. As if reading her mind, the blonde continued.

“My lawyer’s office is at the South Bank so when I go in to see her I give myself the luxury to walk around for an hour or so. Past the sea of men dressed in suits looking like penguins and women in heels no matter how dreadful the weather, there’s a small opening in between buildings, opposite a museum paying homage to the first railway tunnel. It overlooks the river and everything is far enough to look pretty. It’s when you look closer that things get ugly.”

Scully nodded. The picture Stella painted, so vividly in her mind, that she felt like she was there yesterday. 

“What do you do for fun?” she asked innocently enough but her throat tightened when Stella raised a questioning eyebrow at her.

“I mean going out or something.” She hurried to explain, images of a line of suitors in between the older woman’s legs flashing uninvitingly behind her eyelids. 

Stella smirked at her discomfort before shrugging. “Nothing really. There’s no time when I'm working on a case and when I don’t I’m too exhausted to even entertain the possibility. I may go watch a play if there’s something worth catching at the west end or read a book or two.”

“But-“ Scully started, trailing off not sure which part she wanted to object to. Being comfortable in her own company herself, she could understand the allure of staying home and curling up with a good book and a glass of red. It just seemed so ludicrous that Stella wasn’t constantly surrounded by people. So she told her as much.

The woman in question eased her foot from the pedal to look at Scully searchingly before averting her eyes back to the never-ending road. “I think I might have oversold myself.”   
“No. I can see the way people respond to you. Not even in a physical way, although God knows it’s distracting” she mumbled that last part “but in every other sense of the way. May it be admiration, love or hate you have everyone’s attention. The way you hold and conduct yourself… it has an effect on people.” 

Dana stopped in fear she was pushing it but it felt good to say what she was thinking out loud. Stella, on the other hand, acted as if she hadn’t said anything. If it wasn’t for the way her tongue was wetting her top and bottom lip, Scully would have thought the blonde hadn’t heard her. 

“You should see me on a good day.” She joked at last but the smile that stretched her lips didn’t reach her eyes.

“You sound envious,” She said again and Scully’s eyebrows shot to her hairline at her candor. She was right though, “Why shouldn’t I be? It’s inspiring. That’s how I strive to be.”

Stella mulled this over frowning. “Darling, you only see what I want you to see. Behind every member of society who heard or saw me in a professional setting stripped off prejudice and sexism and elitism, there are twenty who didn’t. There is scrutiny and ridicule and patronization in every step of the way but I have years on you. Years of rejection, years of dismissal that tore me down to the point that I was forced to develop thick skin.”

She stopped, looking surprised with herself, mimicking the expression that must have been plastered all over Scully’s face. 

“That doesn’t mean things won’t get to you anymore. A single comment, an order that goes unheard or an opinion that is undermined can send me spiraling back to zero. It’s an ongoing process and this word we stupidly chose to step in, you and I, it will try its darnest to make sure we regret it.”

Scully was at a loss of words. Her eyes were stinging, for whom she didn’t know but Stella’s truth hung so loud in the small vicinity of her car, it mingled with their breaths and fogged the windows, demanding to take up space. 

“Is that…is that why you came here? It got to you?” she managed after a while and noticed that Stella was freely crying now, silent tears running down her cheeks and disappearing into the black turtleneck she had on. 

“I fucked up.” She said at last not making an effort to hide her pain. “I fucked up” she repeated and Scully knew that second time was for her own sake. She had to acknowledge it out in the open. “I got cocky and careless and I fucked everything up.”

Scully leaned over and took the wheel from her angling it so that they pulled over on the rural highway. She was afraid Stella was going into some kind of shock, her eyes so wet from months of storing unshed tears that she was positive the older woman couldn’t even see a foot in front of her. 

Scully turned off the engine and unfastened her seatbelt, stepping out into the frigid night and circling the car until she was the one doing the yanking this time.  
Stella didn’t even put up a fight as she pulled her from the seat and closed the door behind her guiding her back to rest against it. 

“Breathe.” She whispered so close to her face that she couldn’t tell if the moisture she felt was from Stella’s tears or her own. It broke her heart to see anyone in such pain as a rule but to see someone she had come to care so deeply in such a state was a different type of hurt.

She thumped the tears away pressed both hands on each side of her face forcing her to look at her, the moon being the only illumination between them. 

“I’m right here.” She knew her words didn’t hold any power in them and Stella looked a thousand miles away but she had to try.

To her utter disbelief, Stella’s pupils focused on hers and she blinked twice as if to make sure she was seeing correctly before crashing her lips to Scully’s.

The kiss was anything but soft. Stella’s desperation was so palpable it felt like a third person was standing there observing them cling to one another. She could taste their combined tears and snot mixing together with the unmistaken taste of her on her lips. Scully didn’t care one bit, pulling her back in when Stella broke away an inch to make her plea over and over again. 

“Stay”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was either the most OOC chapter I've ever written or the most IC one. ill leave that up to you to decide but man shit hit the fan.


	14. Chapter 14

Scully drove and Stella slept. She could tell she hadn’t done so in a long time and almost envied the deep sleep that follows a good cry. She rarely allowed herself that luxury and was certain Stella never did.

She drove for two hours in silence, Stella’s rhythmic breathing a much-preferred substitute to whatever inconsequential song was on the radio until a weather stricken billboard announced a motel with vacancies.

She pulled into the almost deserted parking lot and killed the engine. From what she could see only one room was occupied apart from the dimly lit office while the blue motel sign hanging above them cast an eerie light to the entire place. Scully weighed her options, deciding to ignore her uneasy gut feeling over the promise of stretching her spine.  
She turned to Stella and it was a good five minutes before she broke out of the spell the older woman’s beauty cast on her before she raised her hand and gently stroked her cheek with the back of her fingers.

Stella startled and jumped away from her, a hand going automatically to her side, where Scully assumed she used to keep her service weapon, but coming up with nothing but a handful of her sweater. 

“Stella, it’s just me.”

The blonde regained her bearings and buried her face in her palm. “Don’t…don't do that.”

“I’m sorry I-“

“Never mind it’s fine, where are we?”

Scully stepped out of the car and the freezing night air made her eyes water. She was starting to get frustrated over the entire situation. She didn’t like that there wasn’t a solid plan, that she knew of at least, she was cold, hungry but if she was honest with herself she felt like a round peg in a square hole when it came to what Stella was going through.  
“I got tired” was all she said instead and retrieved her bag from the back. Without looking back at Stella she made her way to the office and rang the little bell on top of the small desk. 

“Just a sec!” somebody yelled and a woman emerged, straightening her shirt and all Scully could do was stare when she smiled at her as a greeting. 

Dana didn’t know what she had expected the owner of such a place to look like but it certainly wasn’t the blonde that was now looking expectedly at her.

Her hair was curly and just barely touching her shoulders. She was probably in her late thirties but you couldn’t really tell by her flawless skin and striking smile. What gave her pause however were the woman's eyes. They were such a striking hue of blue she felt like drowning in them.

“Can I help you honey?” she asked in time the door opened and Stella came to stand beside her. 

“Uhm, we would like a room please.”

The woman greeted Stella with the same captivating smile and only because Dana was looking at her so closely she noticed that the woman stared openly at Stella a second too long, her turn at being star struck.

“You’re lucky you caught me this late.” The woman said and opened a bookings book to take down their info that Scully gave absentmindedly.

“I must tell you that the nicest room only has a double bed would you consider sharing with your sister?” she said and her eyes returned to Stella once again. 

Scully blushed and opened her mouth to correct her when somebody beat her to it. 

“They aren’t sisters.” A young guy came to stand next to the woman and Scully took a step back bumping into Stella who steadied her. 

“Jeez Norman” the woman scolded but turned back to them with wandering eyes to get a confirmation.

“Oh” was all she said when her eyes fell to where Stella was still holding Dana by the waist.

“A double is fine thank you” Stella piped up in her usual no-nonsense voice and if Dana wasn’t busy staring back at Norman she would have caught the way the blonde’s eyebrow raised with curiosity at Stella’s British accent.

His eyes were similar to the woman’s and Dana guessed they must be related. Her son, perhaps. His, however, didn’t have the depthless childlike secrecy his mother’s betrayed but instead something else entirely. Scully couldn’t put her finger on it and she didn’t make a habit out of judging people by their appearance but something about Norman made her skin crawl. 

Sinister, she thought at last. His eyes looked sinister. 

“-just follow me, I’ll get you all settled before I go up to the house. Norman, finish with the books and I’ll be right back honey.”

Scully tuned in as the woman was retrieving a key with the number one hanging from its keychain and herded them outside. 

“Yes Mother” Norman replied automatically not taking his eyes off Dana who followed his mother in reluctant silence.

She sighed in relief when the woman ushered them into a normal-looking motel room and scolded herself for worrying. What did she expect? Coffins and a moat?

“There are clean towels in the closet and I just bought warmer linens since it gets so cold at nights” The woman trailed off and seemed lost in thought. Something told Scully the new bedding wasn’t a result of the cold but her growling stomach put an end to that thought.

“Excuse me ma’am do you have a vending machine around?”

“Huh? Oh sure honey head back to the office and ask Norman for help if the snacks get stuck. They do that. Everything’s falling apart the second you look away. Isn’t it funny how life works.” The woman let out a little nervous laugh that made Dana’s uncomfortable gut feeling return.

She dug her wallet out of her back and walked the short few steps back to the office, locating the sad-looking vending machine opposite the reception desk. She was trying to decide between a bag of Doritos and off-brand olive crisps when Norman appeared next to her, so silently, he could have all but manifested to the spot out of thin air.

“You’re back,” he said and Scully’s hand flew to her heart as if to will it back to normalcy. 

“Hungry” she pointed redundantly at the machine and avoided making eye contact with him.

“I am afraid you don’t have a lot of options around here.” Norman cooed and Dana thought once again that he wasn’t talking about the snacks at all.

“It’s fine.” She offered quickly and pushed a few coins into it getting both things plus some bottles of water. 

“You have to excuse my mother,” Norman said again when Dana thought she was in the clear and about to head out.

“She can be a little slow.” Scully doubted the woman was slow and even less than this strange creature in front of her thought anything other than his mother hang the moon and the stars. She didn’t need her intro to psychology to tell her that. 

“It is fine,” she said again and willed herself not to blush. What did it matter what two strangers thought of her and Stella? She had to admit the mere thought of them being related was appalling but these people didn’t know any better and she could understand why a third party would think so.

“Have a nice night.” She bid him a hasty goodnight and was out of that suffocating room before the young man had the chance to say anything else.

Once outside she shook her head as to clear it and barged into the room thinking the woman would be long gone. What she stumbled upon however made her drop one of the bottles she was juggling in her arms.

The blonde was sitting next to Stella on the bed, one arm extended over her hair, brushing a strand of the detective’s curls away from her face.

“-lways wanted to leave mine to grow out but I don’t have the patience for it” she caught the last of what she was telling Stella before her entrance made the woman look over, not in the least concerned about getting caught doing whatever it was they were doing.

What stroke Scully as odd wasn’t the woman’s behavior, but the fact Stella was letting a stranger touch her. Dana knew that her hair was Stella’s pride and joy and it had taken weeks to even muster the courage to run her fingers through it something this person had managed to do within seconds of meeting her.

Stella didn’t even look at Dana when she came in but instead tilted her head as if this new point of view would give her a better insight at whatever was going on inside the stranger’s head.

“Oh good, you found something.”

Scully gave her a weak nod and the woman went back to looking at Stella who in turn had never stopped. 

“I better be going. Call the number on the card next to the phone if you need anything. It’s my landline”

Scully wondered bitterly if she gave her number to all her motel guests or if she made an exception for the unfairly pretty ones with posh accents.

“Thank you, but I don’t imagine we will,” Stella replied softly in a tone Dana had never heard her use before. 

The blonde nodded and turned to leave when Stella reached up and gently pulled at her arm. “Actually, do you happen to have any glasses?”

“Glasses? No, but I can bring some from the house if you want.”

“Would that be okay?”

“Sure, just give me ten minutes and I’ll be back. Those steps seem to be multiplying with each passing day.”

“I’ll come with you if you don’t mind, so you don’t have to come back.”

“It’s a plan,” The woman said and they both headed for the door paying no attention to Scully, who was still standing awkwardly next to it.

“Darling, you go ahead and unpack I’ll be back shortly” Stella told her before stepping outside and Dana had a strong case of déjà vu from her childhood when her mom had guests over and didn’t want her to make a fuss in the living room so she used to send her to her room with the pretense of doing something unnecessary like dusting her already spotless bookshelves. 

She always knew not to mess with the grownups no matter how much she wanted to be included in the conversation.

That’s how she felt as she stood there trying to process the last few minutes. 

At last, she disrobed and decided to take a shower to compose herself. Lately, the shower water had taken a new therapeutic agency in her mind. Whenever she felt overwhelmed she hopped under the sizzling stream and let the water do its thing. 

It almost worked. Almost.

She was about to unclasp her bra when her previous uneasiness returned thrice as strong. Scully had the unmistaken feeling of being watched. She immediately scanned the room and made sure the curtains were closed. Still, the feeling wouldn’t go away so she made sure to lock the bathroom door once inside and let the hot water do the rest. 

_______________________________________________________________________

 

Stella stood frozen at the entrance of Norma’s house, although, the term ‘house’ was a gross understatement. It was more of a mansion. The kind that made people like Shirley Jackson rich.

“Well come on in then, we don’t bite” Norma smiled at her and Stella forgot to be mad about the use of such an idiotic phrase. 

A staircase lead upstairs to what Stella guessed the master rooms were and she briefly wandered about the “we”.

“Your house is impressive” she stated truthfully as she followed the blonde through a corridor and into a large kitchen. 

“It is something,” Norma said absentmindedly looking around as if she too was seeing it for the first time. 

“Was that your son back there?” Stella tried to bring her back to the present and Norma’s head snapped back towards her at the mention of her son.

“Yes, that’s my Norman. It’s just us two in the house.” Stella had tried not to dwell on the fact both mother and son had practically the same name when Norma had introduced herself back in the room.

“But my eldest pops around every now and then to lend a hand. God knows I need it.”

“Your eldest?” Stella inquired, her eyes scanning the woman in front of her who didn’t look a day older than thirty-nine.

“He’ll be twenty-one this year and yes I know what you’re thinking I was one of those lost causes. Did the whole teen mom thing before it was popular.” She smiled apologetically as if it to dignify her life choices and Stella had the uncharacteristic urge to shield this strange woman from the world.

“I wasn’t thinking that at all” she stepped closer at her and held her gaze while she spoke with as much conviction she could muster. It didn’t take any particular effort. She was being honest.

Norma’s eyes glazed over and she didn’t look away like most people do when Stella grants them her undivided attention.

“Shit happens,” Norma said and shrugged.

“That it does.”

The two of them stayed like that, their eyes saying everything their lips didn’t dare to, and Stella felt the alienating sensation of looking into a mirror while drunk and not recognizing yourself while instinctively knowing it is just you.

Stella knew she didn’t have a monopoly on pain and misery but she’s always been a generous sponsor to both. And yet, as she looked into Norma’s eyes she could have sworn she’d never met anyone carrying a bigger cross up the hill than her. Her martyrdom seemed inevitable. Not a choice, like a lot of her own silent suffering, had been, but an animalistic necessity for survival.

“Mother!” 

They both jumped at the intrusion and took a step back despite not being inappropriately close in the first place. 

“What Norman?” The blonde snapped in annoyance and Stella couldn’t help but smile a little at the woman’s aloofness. She reminded her of a bird. Always fidgeting and tweeting.   
Unable to stay in the same place for any respectful amount of time.

“What are you doing?” the young man asked and stared at Stella with the intensity of a jealous husband which was an odd thing to say for somebody’s child, but so unmistakably that. Stella had had her fair share of those looks burning holes into her body since she could remember and knew how to identify them.

Norma ignored his question and started opening cupboards at random as if her kitchen items had snuck up on her and rearranged themselves just to trick her. 

“Did you drive Emma home?” She asked without looking at him and Stella guessed there must have been a third person hiding in that office when they came in. She had been so engrossed with the blonde who now made a victorious sound as she located the glasses, that they could have been housing an elephant back there and she would have been none the wiser.

“Here you go. Leave them on the table when you leave.” She said and handed Stella two crystal cups. 

“Thank you for being so accommodating Norma.”

“Well, yes. That’s my job.” She smiled but didn’t look at her this time. In fact, she hadn’t looked at her since her son had made his presence known obnoxiously. 

She couldn’t quite put her figure on what exactly their situation was but it was obvious she hadn’t stumbled upon a normal, functioning family. 

“Either way, thanks again. Goodnight.” She nodded at Norman who just stood there looking intently at her and followed Norma to the door.

She wasn’t going to say anything else when she felt a hand on her elbow.

“Come say goodbye before you and your little friend leave,” Norma whispered and was gone as quickly as she had appeared. 

She was certain Scully wouldn’t have appreciated being called anyone’s little friend and Stella had to admit if anyone was going to be a little friend to anyone it would be her, even if things didn’t appear that way. They rarely ever did.

She was reminded suddenly of what she was here to do and she knew she had already managed to fuck up.

She hadn’t planned on having a complete mental breakdown in the car and then fall asleep pretending like nothing had happened. And she certainly hadn’t planned on meeting Norma. Not that it was anything like that, of course, but she was certain Dana was picturing the two of them in really compromising positions up in that house.   
She couldn’t blame her. Norma was striking and in another life, Stella would have undoubtedly dotted on her like she deserved to. But this was now and now had only four letters.  
She stood outside room one for a second and gathered whatever courage was left in her before entering the room and raising the glasses suggestively at Dana. 

 

“Up for a drinking game?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii its been a while but I've been getting such lovely feedback lately that i thought i owed it to you to update. This chapter and the following include characters from the TV Show Bates Motel which I love but you don't have to worry about it since they are not vital to the plot. I also know that that show is set in Oregon and our girls are in Virginia so like let's ignore that bc i really wanted to see that two interact and give you a bit of both Dana and Stella's POVs. PLEASE tell me what you thought of it. ILY


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: dub-con

Scully practiced what she would say in the shower like she so often does. She is used to coming up with entire dialogues for situations that may or may not arise just to be ready in case they do. She plans a hundred ways a conversation can go and carefully crafts her responses so nothing can catch her off guard. 

She is a heavy sleeper but it doesn’t always come naturally at her so since she can remember herself, she uses those restless nights to put her mind at work. Going over various scenarios and hypothetical situations with the wheels in her brain spinning furiously until she has perfected her part in them. She doesn’t feel like wasting any conscious minute.  
People are predictable and she moonlights as a computer algorithm that collects data from the subjects tested and comes up with things they would say or do in a given situation. Stella has tricked the system. An anomaly that the program can’t read and predict. Every time Dana thinks she’s closer to cracking the code, sure in what the next words out of the detective’s mouth are going to be, Stella makes a complete U-turn and leaves her grossly underprepared. 

She looks at her now from where she’s sitting uncomfortably at the edge of the bed, not sure of what to do with herself.

Stella has two glasses raised, propositioning her with alcohol and games when she thought she would be halfway to Canada with her new friend by now.

“Norma was busy?” she sneers and Stella sighs, looking like she expected that response. She may be unreadable but Scully wasn’t. Another great mind succumbed to the petty desires of human nature. And she hates it. 

Stella sets the glasses down at the nightstand and fumbles with her bag a little before retrieving a sealed bottle of tequila. 

Dana should have seen this coming. There always had to be a third party involved when they were alone, may it be a random man at a hotel, a swimming pool, a past trauma outburst or a bottle of alcohol. Anything to lubricate their unusual fit enough so that the friction of their clashing personalities and respective baggage goes from painful to bearable. 

“What am I doing here Stella?” she asked looking anywhere but her when she sat down next to her, the faint scent of her perfume invading her safe space. She didn’t like it when people addressed her by her first name so often in conversation, especially when there wasn’t anyone else around, but Scully wanted to get through to her. Employing every weapon of intimacy she had established so far; her arsenal was poor but every time she addressed her like this, her pupils dilated momentarily without fail. 

“I want to apologize about earlier in the car. I shouldn’t have put you in that position” the older woman says instead and Dana turns to look at her incredulously. She is more serious and remorseful than Scully has ever seen her and she’s never been a violent person but suddenly she wants to punch something.

“Put me in that position?” She echoes mockingly. “That was the realest you’ve ever been with me and you want to absolve me? Water under the bridge?”

Stella regards her composedly, so fucking composed, before executing an MMA worthy knockout punch with just her words.

“What is it that you want from me exactly? To fix me? Play doctor? Play house?”

Every word felt like a slap and Scully leapt to her feet away from her, stinging all over. She knew she was crying and breathing like the oxygen in the room was running out yet she stood her ground. 

She wanted to force Stella to witness the collateral damage her hurricane existence caused to anyone who dared stand in her way. Photo evidence of the casualties shoved in front of the drunk driver that caused them, in the interrogation room. 

She wants her to feel guilty. To hurt like she hurt. Deeply and in abundance.

“Fuck you” she whispers but the room is so quiet it comes out like a scream and Dana doesn’t know who is more surprised to hear it, her, or its intended recipient. 

Stella flinches slightly and yet, she looks like she expected nothing else. A masochistic smile tags at her lips and Scully has an epiphany. P versus NP solved at last.   
She realizes this is exactly what she wanted all along. For Dana to understand she is capable of hurting her like this. To cause her nothing but pain. To hold this power over her and be deserving of the blame. A hyena marching proudly in the lion’s den. Here I am, come and get me. 

Scully’s laughing now, tears still staining her cheeks and Stella looks at her like she’s lost her mind. Maybe she has. 

“No,” she shakes her head in between fits of laughter and Stella is on her feet, a reluctant member of the audience handpicked by a Cirque Du Soleil performer making their way on stage cautious of what is to come. 

“No” Dana repeats and grips Stella’s upper arms forcibly pushing her backwards until the blonde’s back slams against the tapestry wall. Stella grunts and Dana feels the air that inevitably deserts the woman’s lungs hit her face. She knows the knock is twice as painful due to her still healing ribs, and is glad. 

If Stella wants her to play in her sick little game she will. She will indulge her, treat her with the cruelty she expects and thinks she deserves. And then, after she’s done stomping on the jumbled pieces on the floor she’ll put the puzzle back together. The image will have cracks and dents unlike the seamless one on the box but it will be real. The end results all the more rewarding. She knows how now.

She leans closer like she’s about to kiss her but stops inches away from her mouth. Her lips brush Stella’s as she speaks. 

“Do your worse.”

 

\---------------

Scully doesn’t give her the chance to take her up on that before slamming her lips against her with enough force to bang her head on the wall once again. The pain that shoots through her body is heaven and she’s grateful. So fucking grateful she finally gets it. 

Dana’s hands release her arms leaving behind evidence of the force she held her with and Stella can’t wait to see the bruises that will appear in their place. An eager photographer shaking a Polaroid urging the image to appear on it, making it real. 

Scully forces her way into her mouth and tilts her head to the side devouring both of her lips, her tongue moving so urgently, Stella has no space to respond. It’s invasive, it’s territorial, and it’s perfect. 

Dana bites down on her bottom lip easily breaking the sensitive skin there and she can taste blood. She gasps against her own will and Scully lets her lips go, moving to her neck where she bites and licks interchangeably over her pulsing point. 

Stella lets her have it. She makes no move to touch her. This isn’t a mutual experience, it is revenge and Stella wants her to get it. Patiently waits to get ravished and Scully wastes no time. 

She unzips her slacks aggressively and slides her cold hand inside her underwear and inside her. It’s just two fingers but she isn’t wet yet and her body doesn’t follow the same sadistic handbook her brain lives by. 

Her walls clench protectively against the intrusion of Dana’s digits and she forces herself to stay quiet in fear that any exclamation of pain makes Scully stop doing what she so desperately want her to do. 

For a second she feels the redhead stall undecidedly and she panics, but then her lips are on hers twice as forceful as before and she moans in relief into the kiss which seems to redirect Scully’s attention on the task in hand. 

She adds another finger inside her and her thumb presses forcefully down at her clit once making her entire body jerk. 

Scully presses her small body even tighter against her own, pinning her from head to toe so perfectly she thinks the universe used the same mold twice to make them come alive.   
Her mouth is hot and wet against hers and to her complete surprised she realized she’s crying. Scully notices too, her own tears long forgotten, and licks them away impatiently.  
One thing that becomes immediately clear to her is that the redhead is goal-driven and an excellent multitasker. While her tongue marks and soothes her skin so that she can mark her all over again, her fingers have not faltered for a second. They are moving in and out of her all the while her thumb is circling her clit, deliberately avoiding it. 

Her other hand has sneaked under her sweater and is painfully squeezing her breasts over the black lace of her bra and fuck she hasn’t felt like this in ages.   
Her body is screaming at her to put an end to this but for the first time in years, she doesn’t know if she’s capable and the mere thought thrills her. But then Dana is pressing against her clit and she cries out, her hands flying to Scully’s still fully clothed body for support and she’s coming. Abruptly and violently her lower stomach clenches and her inner walls contract seeking relief and finding none since Dana has cruelly removed her fingers and focusing on her oversensitive clit instead, prolonging the trembling and spasming of her body until Stella’s legs can’t support her anymore. 

Her knees buckle and Dana moves away from her letting her fall on the carpeted floor in all fours, panting.   
She takes a step away from her, her own chest heaving but her eyes are focused. She examines her the way she looks at the abstract exhibits at the Tate. Not sure if they can pass for art and even more unsure if she hates or loves them. 

And just like that the tables have turned and they’ve both hurt and been hurt in return. Setting the score even. A chance for a clean slate. And as she looks up at Dana from the floor and realizes that this is her last chance and she better fucking take it.

Something in her expression must have given her decision away because Dana is next to her all of a sudden hugging her fiercely and now they are both crying. But this time it’s cathartic. Limps and hearts aligned, the puzzle complete at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of the hardest things I've ever written hope I did them both some justice.


	16. Chapter 16

“Now we can play” Scully said and felt rather than heard Stella’s body shake around her with what she hoped was laughter. 

The older woman untangled her limbs from hers and stood up dragging Scully will her. Her hair was disheveled and some blood vessels in her eyes had popped making her blue irises stand out in the most breathtaking of ways. 

“It is not fair you get to look like that after this” she voiced her thoughts while tentatively raising her fingers to brush a lock of blonde hair away from her face. Stella regarded her for a second and then cleared her throat.

“And by “this” you mean fucking me against a motel wall? What is it with you and looks anyway? I refuse to believe you don’t know you’re beautiful and that everyone around you thinks the same.”

She could feel her face turning red at the crude, albeit true, word choice and chose to ignore it. She wasn’t fishing for a compliment, she never had, but listening to Stella say it gave her a weird sense of validation. If she, the most stunning woman she’s ever met, thought her beautiful then it must be true. 

“This isn’t about me. It is not a vanity thing, just a simple observation.”

“Looks are subjective darling”

Scully’s whole body tensed every time Stella called her that and this was the second time tonight, she was counting.

“What’s your type?”

Stella let out a real laugh at this and walked passed her and into the bathroom where she started getting undressed. “Save something for the game” she called over her shoulder and lifted her sweater over her head.

Scully looked away and went back to sit on the side of the bed that didn’t give her a view into the bathroom. Now that the moment had passed she was extremely aware of her bold choice of handling things. She couldn’t bear the thought of physically and deliberately hurting Stella so soon after whatever that Spector guy had done to her.

The mere thought of having bruised her skin made her sick despite her well-intended ulterior motives. Doubt and regret were beginning to crawl at every inch of her being and she had to forcefully remind herself of what her plan had been and even more so, that it had worked.

In all actuality, nothing was said or resolved. To a third party, it would look like Scully had angry fucked Stella, driven by revenge. But there was no third party involved unless she counted the feeling of being watched that suddenly returned to her now that she was alone.

She was up and checking the windows again while promising herself they would actually talk things through once Stella was out of the shower. Anything else would have to wait. Being on the giving end of things for the first time in her life had left her body’s needs neglected, evidence of which was making her underwear stick uncomfortably to her unsatisfied core. 

“What are you doing?” Stella asked and Scully jumped out of her skin assuming a fighting stance that had the other woman raise a questioning eyebrow at her. She was standing in the middle of the room dripping onto the carpet with a small white towel tucked under her armpits. Her hair was in a messy ponytail on top of her head making the angles of her bare face all the more prominent. 

“I have a weird feeling about this place,” Scully said relaxing her stance and trying not to ogle at her. They had to talk, and the way that damn towel was slowly slipping lower and lower over Stella’s breasts was not helping. 

“Weird how?” Stella asked furrowing her brows and Dana was glad she didn’t dismiss her unease despite getting chummy with Norma all but an hour ago. 

“Like being watched. I’m sure you know the feeling” she said without thinking and then winced internally at the way her words gave Stella pause. 

“You are aware I don’t and can’t control other people’s reactions to me, right? I don’t care to either.” 

“I didn’t mean anything by it”

“You did but it’s fine” 

Scully was about to protest when a loud bang coming from the bathroom’s general direction made them both jump into action with Scully pushing Stella behind her, instinctively, and grabbing the closest sturdy object she could see, a wooden lamppost, before making her way tentatively into the steamy bathroom. 

Taking a deep breath, she yanked the wet curtain to the side causing the loops on the rail above to go undone and fall over her small body. She yelped and pulled at it viciously until she heard Stella tell her to stand still before quickly removing it and tossing it aside. 

She was still grabbing the lamp like an AK47 and looking frantically at the empty bathroom and a very naked Stella who was giving her a worried look. The infamous towel was pooling around her feet and yet, she still managed to convey an air of authority, definitely the sanest among the two. 

“What the-"

Another bang cut her off again and she jumped into the tub almost slipping to her death in the process in order to press her face against the window where she swears she saw a dark figure running out of eyesight. The banging returned, however, and she redirected her focus to a pile of trash cans and a very confused looking fox that starred straight at her for a second before returning its hunt into the pile of trash. 

Stella joined her and quickly located the animal herself. “Oh, it’s just a fox” she said, the humor audible in her tone and Scully forced herself to remain calm. 

“Is there a particular reason you are butt naked?” She asked her dryly and the older woman had the audacity to look down at herself like she was just noticing she was prancing around in her birthday suit. Scully wanted to scream. 

“It must have fallen off when I put an end to your Banquo impression back there.”

“Did you just make a Macbeth reference?”

“Did you just get a Macbeth reference?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” asked Scully incredulously getting more offended by the second. 

At that point, she noticed Stella was forcibly pushing her lips together to keep a straight face and realized the blonde was taking her for a ride. 

She quickly stepped out of the tub and extended her hand to help Stella onto the mat, pulling harshly at her until her dump body was flush against her own, and her mouth against her lips.

Stella hummed into the unexpected kiss and Dana pulled away enough to speak. “Don’t fuck with me.”

“Right now or…” Stella trailed off smirking and Scully groaned loudly before turning away. There was no winning tonight. 

She kicked off her slippers and sat against the bed’s headboard with her feet crossed like she was about to meditate. With the way things were going she might need it.  
Stella followed her into the room, still very much naked but for the stupid smirk on her face.

“Your mood seems to have improved significantly,” Scully said just for the sake of saying something to distract herself from lunging at her when she took the elastic out and let her hair fall around her face. 

“Yes, thanks for that.” Stella replied without missing a beat and Dana’s face went back to its now bright red default state.

“Can you just put a shirt on, we need to talk.”

Stella’s smirk disappeared as quickly as it had made an appearance and she nodded taking out her telltale silk robe, slipping it on. 

Scully grabbed the long-forgotten snacks and handed one bag to her, while patting the mattress next to her. Stella took it gratefully but sat across from her at the bottom of the bed as far away from her as possible without falling off. 

“So,” Dana started awkwardly, avoiding eye contact, which was completely foolish after everything that had just transpired.

“About earlier, I’m-"

“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry”

Scully turned to look at her and the way the older woman was staring back at her with quiet desperation took her aback. 

“I wasn’t going to.” She admitted truthfully and saw her exhale in relief. 

“What I was going to say is that I’m not going to do it again. It’s just not who I am and I’m sure it’s not who you really are either.”

“And who am I exactly?” Stella challenged bitterly, and if Scully squinted hard enough she could see the walls that surrounded the blonde at all times go up higher than before.

"See, that’s exactly it. I have no idea, even If I fool myself into thinking I do.”

“What difference is it going to make?”

“How can you possibly be asking me that?”

Stella sighed exaggerated but Scully didn’t care. She wasn’t under any impression this was going to be easy, but there was no way she was going to have the same conversation they had been having for a month yet again. 

The blonde stood up and Dana started panicking before she realized she was just fetching the glasses and tequila bottle. The anesthesia shot before the tooth extraction, she thought bitterly but she’d rather have her here drunk than not at all. A prominent patter in their relationship, if she could even call it that; Stella wouldn’t. 

“Fine” she said and unscrewed the red lid that was shaped like a sombrero. 

“Fine?” Dana asked and received a “don’t push it” look as an answer. She took the hint and decided to let Stella take the wheel for the foreseeable future, so long as she kept driving. 

“I used to play this game at uni, many many years ago and it normally takes four but you’ll have to do."

“Gee thanks” Scully mumbled and Stella smiled at her, extending her hand to get her off the bed. 

“Sit” she pointed at the chair of the small table in the corner of the room and then brought everything to the table before going back to her bag and retrieving two lemons, a knife and a coin from her purse. 

Scully stared incredulously at her as she took a seat across from her on the table and started cutting the lemons into slices and then down the middle.

“Lemons? You brought lemons?”

Stella threw her another “don’t be daft” look and finished with the lemons pilling them on a napkin before filling the glasses one-third of the way and pushing them to the side as well.

“Right. We take turns holding a coin out of sight of the other and then you switch it back and forth in your left and right hand respectively until you settle on one. Then you hide it in one of your fists and put your elbows up on the table like this” she demonstrated and Scully nodded.

“After that, you bring your hands down on the table quickly, with the coin trapped between your palm and the table. There will naturally be a sound as the coin hits the table and the opponent is going to have to guess in which hand the coin is hidden. If you get it right, I have to take a shot and you get to ask me anything you want or tell me to do anything you want me to do and vice versa.”

“Anything?” Dana questioned suspiciously. “I get to ask you anything?” 

“And I, you.” 

“How will I know you’ll tell the truth?”

“Don’t you trust me Agent Scully?” she joked but sighed when Scully continued to look at her expectedly.

“Because that’s what we’re here for.”

Scully’s stomach tightened and she got nervous all of a sudden. She was finally going to get what she wanted all along and it sounded too good to be true.

“What’s the catch?” she squinted at her dubiously and Stella smirked knowingly.

“Oh, no catch… I’ve just never lost a game in my life.” 

 

\----------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your thoughts? i want them


	17. Chapter 17

Her face gave off nothing like it usually did; her strong features unmoving like a sculpture, her gaze straight out of Medusa’s handbook. Scully alternated her own between Stella’s hands on the table and the blonde’s features, trying to gage any reaction that would alert her to where a younger, shinier version of Queen Elizabeth was hiding. 

“Any day now love” Stella prompted after a few seconds of silent speculation and Scully briefly lost her momentum. She knew she only said it to throw her off and it almost worked.

“Don’t call me that” she replied coolly, eyeing her left hand suspiciously. She was almost certain that’s where the coin was, but almost wouldn’t cut it in this case. She had to be certain. 

“What?” the master of manipulation feigned confusion and Scully reluctantly looked at her only to see her exhibiting what appeared to be sincere wonder. Oh, she was good.

“The pet names. They won’t work this time.” She indulged her, in order to gain a few more seconds than anything else. 

“This time?” she echoed, eyebrow raised like the back of a cat trying to seek the touch of an extended hand.

“It’s in your right palm” Scully said instead, going against her hunch, opting to trust her ears and logic. Stella was right-handed; it was a safe assumption to start with that one. 

“Is that your final answer?” 

“Reverse psychology won’t work here.” She nodded her head and Stella smiled innocently before lifting her right palm revealing nothing but time-worn wood underneath.  
“Damn” Scully cursed aloud and begrudgingly took the glass Stella pushed in front of her filled one-third of the way. 

“That’s quite a lot of tequila and we won’t have any left if you keep this up.”

“I have two more bottles where that came from. Cheers”

Scully starred incredulously back at her, “Did you pack any clothes at all or just the entire spirits isle of Walmart?” 

“It’s my turn to ask the questions.”

Scully pretended to be unphased as she lifted the glass and downed the burning liquid masking her disgust by biting into a lemon slice. 

“Shoot” she challenged and Stella looked at the ceiling pretending to think about it. 

“Kiss me” she said after a beat, countenance as serious as ever.

“Is that what you’re wasting your win on?” 

“Who said I’m wasting it?”

Scully rolled her eyes but leaned in admittedly relieved she had gotten off easy. Stella met her half way and Dana lightly touched her lips to hers before pulling away only to have Stella rake a hand at the back of her neck pulling her back in. Her eyes shut involuntarily when she felt the woman’s tongue tracing her bottom lip, undoubtedly tasting the bitter remnants of tequila and every man that came before her. 

B.S.; Before Stella. Her mom had wanted her to become reacquainted with her faith but she never thought that it might be found in the most unlikely of places, in the most unlikely of people. She smiled at her blasphemous train of thought, into the said woman’s mouth which seemed to piss her off. She took Scully’s face in both hands angling it to her liking and kissed her like reading brail, finding out the answer to an unasked question with just her touch.

They pulled away breathing hard and Stella took the pound back in her hands switching it back and forth before slamming her palms on the table winning two more rounds and the recounting of two of her childhood stories about growing up on a Navy base. 

She’d never told anyone a single thing about that period of her life, but she found herself wanting to share it now, prompted by the alcohol slowly thawing her insides and Stella’s undivided attention. The older woman said nothing, just nodded every now and then to show she was following or gave her a small smile when she herself couldn’t stop one from forming on her lips at a particular nice memory. 

When she finished recalling the events of her eighth birthday that had involved a squid she hung her head feeling self-conscious all of a sudden, for having spoken too long. This game of theirs felt a lot like a first date in all its absurdity and she had never been good at those.

“In your left one,” she said when the blonde went again, preparing herself for the assault of another shot when Stella visibly froze for the smallest of seconds before revealing the gleaming coin where Scully said it’d be. 

Ever the silent sufferer, she took the loss stoically, pouring herself a shot that would qualify as an entire drink and downed the whole thing unceremoniously. Not with a whimper and certainly not with a bang. 

Scully watched her lick a lemon slice with an air of artificial nonchalance that she was sure had taken her an entire lifetime to master. She didn’t want to scare her off but didn’t feel like wasting a question either. 

“What were you like as a child?” she opted for, at last, and hoped to make the most out of it. 

“Curious,” Stella replied unforced almost immediately, but then paused, visibly tailoring the rest of that sentence. “…from what I was told, at least. I was always pointing at things and people as a baby wanting to know what they were called and meant. I couldn’t possibly have the intellect to retain any of it so early on, yet I was indulged.” The ghost of a smile on her lips told Scully Stella was glad of that fact, even while downplaying it. 

“Later on,” she continued to both of their surprises, “I had little to no patience for children my age and got in trouble quite a lot at school.”

“What for?” Scully couldn’t help but interrupt, the thought of young Stella breaking the rules sounded ludicrous but perhaps she was just projecting. 

“I used to antagonize my teachers. Unceasingly. I questioned their knowledge, their opinions and challenged their authority. I had transferred classes 4 times by the time I started year six. They couldn’t expel me because I wasn’t technically breaking any rules and was at the top of the class. My loophole was good manners and never raising my voice so they just moved me around a lot.”

“What happened in year six?”

“I lost interest. I wasn’t reprimanded at home and by then I had gone from one fed up teacher to another until everyone was warned about me and had stopped engaging all together. I found other things to busy myself with.”

Scully had a bad feeling about that last part, her mind presenting her with a plethora of hideous scenarios, and she had to stop herself from going there, especially since Stella looked like she wasn’t going to elaborate. Her imagination was always worse than reality. Until it wasn't. 

“Let’s see what you got,” Stella said playfully and passed the coin to her. Scully could tell she was eager to move on but she needed a minute to process. The bits and pieces all fit together somehow but she couldn’t quite make the connection to see the bigger picture with the little she had to go on.

She could see the appeal of little Stella provoking adults with authority and the reason behind it, may it be boredom, wanting to establish herself or even some good old attention. It dawned on her then that she didn’t even know if the older woman had any siblings which could clue her in a bit about that last one.

As someone who had silently sought attention and approval from a busy father of four all her life, she was no stranger to trying to secure that in any way possible. Somehow the thought of Stella acting out to get it seemed obscene. She couldn’t imagine anyone depriving her of it let alone her parents. 

Scully took the coin and hid it in her right palm before putting her elbows on the table and without much thought slammed her hands on it. The bang was audible and Stella immediately pointed at her left palm only to raise an eyebrow when Scully lifted it revealing nothing underneath. 

“Beginners luck” she allowed.

“In your dreams, baby” Scully shot back playfully, trash talk never being her strong suit, and then froze in realization.

“Wishful thinking?” Stella was smiling at her lasciviously, Alice and the Cheshire cat but there was no potion big enough to get her out of this one. 

“Whatever” she gave up, annoyed she was too flustered to come up with a witty response. She was tired of acting like a school girl every time Stella flirted with her. She was the one who had just fucked her against the wall for Christ's sake; she had to start acting like it. 

“Darling I’d much rather dream of you” Stella leaned over the table and a finger under her chin to lift it, forcing her to look at her. “Trust me” she added and all the playfulness of a minute ago was gone. The earnesty in her voice was reflected in her eyes giving Dana pause. 

“What do you dream about?”

“Is that your question?”

“Yes” 

“Cats, the moon, a dress, old friends, men, checkbooks, my father, a holiday, blood, the sea, killing, Croydon, being killed-“

“What’s all that?” Scully cut her off not liking the way her voice had spilled into a hollow and apathetic tone halfway into that list of miscellaneous lunacy. 

“Mistakes”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TO BE CONTINUED don’t jump me.  
> I thought a tiny chapter would be better than nothing at all.  
> I know a lot of yall won't agree with the background I'm giving her but in my mind this is canon. What’s yours?


	18. Chapter 18

She had never been one of those people who laughed at serious situations as a coping mechanism, but she oddly found herself wanting to do so now. Stella looked so stern, so bluntly hating herself for whatever schedule deviations life had thrown her way. That list of dreams, nay mistakes, was carried around like a cross while she added and added to it until the black ink covered every inch. Self-immolation, slowed down to prolong the suffering.

“So you have nightmares” she concluded understatedly instead of bursting out laughing to release the tension that built and built within her whenever Stella chose to throw crumbs of personal information at her without any actual context. 

“You could say that,” the blonde whispered, physically and emotionally withdrawing from her. She took her hand out of hers and all but said ‘you wouldn’t get it’. Scully, in turn, feigned cluelessness by ignoring the hint to drop the subject, sacrificing her own ego at the altar of making progress.

“Try me” she challenged her.

“What?” her heavy accent ate half the words and Scully’s confidence in the process. 

“I know you think I wouldn’t understand and I’m not going to pretend I know what you went, hell, are going through but I am here. Willingly. You have nothing to lose”

Stella took a generous swig straight from the bottle unprompted by the game and heavily motivated by her own vices. 

“Why do you always sell yourself short? Even while you’re making a strong case for your competence you’re putting yourself down in the same breath. Why’s that?”

“Well, I’m competent enough to know when you’re deflecting and let me tell you you’re not doing a great job either” she counterpointed, baring the enormous weight of her wounded pride like Atlas. Out of all the things she had expected out of Stella’s mouth, that lash-out observation that just barely flirted with the realms of truth wasn’t it. 

Stella snorted; already more at ease facing Scully’s poorly concealed anger over her raw sentiment of caring. When was the last time she had allowed anyone to care for her with no other agenda whatsoever?

“There’s nothing to tell. No profound revelation, if that’s what you’re expecting”

Scully crossed her hands over her breasts to keep herself from pulling out her own hair. Stella must have noticed she was walking on thin ice and surprisingly chose to tread more lightly. 

“Ten years ago I started keeping a dream journal. A therapist had tried it with me when I was a teenager and when I first started working on the field as a supervisor I thought it would be a good idea to start doing it in case it helps with any of my cases. I trained myself to wake up two times during the night; once before and once after my RED cycle, or when it’s more likely to occur by approximation. I used an alarm at first and most of the things I wrote down were nonsense but after a year or so my body got used to it and I’ve been doing it ever since with mixed results.”

“So you haven’t slept in ten years” she joked despite herself and was rewarded with a genuine smile.

“Do you only have nightmares then?”

“Not exclusively. The human brain mainly manifests your anxieties and current deepest feelings, bad or good, before projecting them in whatever retorted reality they are presented to you in sleep.”

“I know” she couldn’t help but feel impatient. She knew all this from med school and would rather have insight into Stella’s specific ones than have her explain the scientific logistics of dreaming to her.

“Forgive me, sometimes I forget I’m talking to a doctor”

“How? I bring it up constantly” she joked well naturedly at her own expense but her audience didn’t indulge her this time. 

“Can’t you stop? I mean now that you’re not working on a case.”

“I’ve tried, but the habit of it always ends up winning over my determination to stay idle. In a way, it’s cathartic, no matter how bad it gets at times.”

“Use me tonight.” She blurted without thinking and Stella’s eyebrow, which awoke at the slightest hint of anything sexual, rose halfway up to her hairline. 

“I mean instead of your journal. Wake me up when you do and describe your dream to me”

“Why on earth would I do that?” she asked tantalized. 

“So that you’re not alone with it, for once, whatever that is. I want to be there for you.”

Stella stared at her in silence, her eyes scanning her face, “I don’t need a therapist Dana”

“You do but that’s not what I’m offering. I wouldn’t know how to even if I wanted to.”

“Then what are you offering?”

“You know what.”

They kept eye contact saying more than words ever could and to her satisfaction she saw Stella lose whatever inner battle was raging within her and avert her eyes in defeat, “We’ll see.”

Scully slid the bottle between them closer to the older woman urging her to drink up before hitting her with the next round of questions.

“What did you study?”

“That’s not how the game wo-”

“Fuck the game” Scully rolled her eyes in exasperation getting tired of the ruse under which all of this was happening. 

“Impatient are we?” 

“Very” she admitted and Stella shrugged taking another swig of tequila.

“Come over here then”

“That’s not what I mea-“

“Dana” the blonde cut her off with a warning and she obliged, circling the small table and coming to stand over her expectedly. She hadn’t known how the evening was going to play out after she got out of the shower hours earlier, so she had settled on wearing black leggings and an oversized baby blue t-shirt that was far from flattering. She knew it brought out the blue in her grayish eyes, however, which she thought was all she had going on for her when she wasn’t wearing any makeup. Luckily she had also put on a new set of lingerie that may or may not include red silk and lace in a surprising combination that made her feel luxurious instead of cheap.

Stella turned in the chair and looked up at her for a second too long before grabbing her by the shirt and forcefully guiding her on her lap, each of Scully’s knees opening to straddle her. Dana’s hair went immediately to her neck for balance and Stella’s circled her body coming to rest on her ass for either support or her own personal agenda. 

“Hi” Stella whispered her face in perfect alliance with Scully’s breasts and she smiled down at her, overwhelmed by the newfound proximity that wasn’t a product of her initiation for once. 

“You drive me crazy, you know that right” Stella breathed, her voice deep and scratchy and it took an insane amount of willpower from Scully to not bend down and kiss her into oblivion. Instead, she chose to prolong the euphoria that overtook her entire body in the rare instances Stella was generous with her words.

“Bad crazy or good crazy?” she fished.

“Both” She admitted and kissed the corner of her lips and then the other, down her jaw, all the way to her earlobe which she then licked and nibble on, making Dana’s breath hitch.   
“You’re not off the hook you know” Scully warned but her lips found Stella’s open mouth involuntarily and immediately deepened the kiss that lasted several minutes too long for her to be convincing. 

“Ask away,” Stella said composed, the only evidence of their carnal exchange her swollen lips. Scully moved to get off from her but the older woman just tightened her grip on her.

“Aren’t I crashing you?”

“Dana you weigh less than my watch”

She huffed dismissively but was extremely pleased on the inside, having fixated on her weight since she can remember herself; an unhealthy combination of wanting to make up for being short by being thin so it balances out her overall appearance and internalized societal expectations.

“Tell me about your family.”

“I’m not close with my mother, my dad is dead and my half-sister lives in Wales with her son so I never see her, not that either of us wants to.”

“I’m so sorry about your father”

“It was a long time ago.” 

“How did he pass?”

Stella’s heartbeat quickened and she tried to look unaffected which was quite futile since Dana was sitting on her lap, pressed against her torso, her heart moonlighting as a lie detector underneath her silk rob.

“He killed himself. Mum was having an affair with her ex-husband, Jean’s father, and dad found out. They split when I was thirteen and a year later he overdosed on antidepressants. The medical examiner ruled it out as an accident.”

Scully was stunned into silence, hating herself for asking, hating the cruelty humans caused and received and the general injustice of it all. 

She willed herself not to cry by digging her nails into her palm still clasped loosely at the back of Stella’s neck, who had a distant look on her face; that of someone who had distanced herself from everything and was now looking in from afar with passive indifference. 

It was clear she thought it was no accident, and convincing her otherwise with such little information to go on would be suicidal in itself. Instead, she did the only thing she knew Stella would accept and kissed her again, glad she responded almost immediately, paddy beneath her body.

Stella’s hand slid up her back under her shirt until she traced the silk texture of her bra clasp that made her let go of her lips to whisper “for me?” with the intensity of a child seeing the presents under the tree on Christmas. 

Scully nodded, breathless and Stella went to dive back in but Dana stopped her, pushing her luck one last time. 

“Why me? Why did you pick me at that stake house on my birthday? You could have left with anyone in the room.”

This, she definitely didn’t expect. She looked up at her, eyes hooded with lust and now something else entirely. 

“I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I’m not going to lie and say that ‘I knew’ upon seeing you if that’s what you want to hear. I can say with extreme certainty that I wanted you squirming underneath me the second you walked it, though. I was deciding on a course of action that would end up with your cunt on my face, but then you looked at me. You were trying so hard to look unphased up to that point, like someone who belonged in there, someone who had dinner alone all the time and couldn’t give less of a fuck of what people thought of her. When you looked at me I saw myself in you and was thrown off. The last person I wanted in my bed that night was a younger, put-together version of me, so I abandoned my libido for the sake of self-preservation.”

Scully’s mouth fell open but no words followed. Her mind was reeling at the thought Stella had thought them similar at some point and almost passed up talking to her.  
“What changed your mind?” she asked, at last, avoiding her eyes.

Stella huffed and kissed her jaw sloppily. “You looked offended. Offended that I was looking at you, offended that you looked back, offended when I talked to you, at last, and I knew then and there you couldn’t be further from any version of me.”

“How so?” Scully asked coldly, taking that last statement as an offense.

“Darling that’s a good thing. Twenty-seven year old me would have marched straight up to whoever looked at me the way I was looking at you, and either caused a scene in front of everyone or fuck them quickly in the bathroom just to prove that I could. You, on the other hand, had a pureness about you upon closer inspection, and I’m not talking about sex. The way you carried yourself muted all the noise in the room and centered me like no one had in many, many years.”

She was crying freely now, overwhelmed that someone would say such things about her and that the someone was Stella fucking Gibson with all her history and strength, her ridiculous resilience and bruised beauty inside and out.

As if reading her mind Stella framed her face with both hands and spoke directly into her lips; “Women don’t need to be defined by trauma and darkness to be interesting.”

She kissed her then to seal the deal, show her she truly meant it, before putting it out there in her own words, “And I’m pretty fucking interested.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you KNOW my ass had to throw jean to the mix, its an illness at this point really. what did you think of this one? in my mind thats what went down with her family (minus jean lol) and im sticking to it.


End file.
